|Season 3, episode 17|
|Air date||February 9, 1990|
|Previous||Bye, Bye Birdie|
As D.J. and Stephanie sleep in their room, D.J.'s alarm clock goes off at 3:47 a.m. She excitedly proclaims as 13 years ago, she was born a minute later at 3:48 a.m., which she excitedly counts down to. This provides little comfort to Stephanie, who, in addition to her usual "Well, pin a rose on your nose", says that she liked her as a kid and that D.J. has an excellent memory. D.J., in addition to not inviting Stephanie to her upcoming birthday party, says that those days are long gone, and Stephanie has to accept the reality that she is now sharing a room with an older sister who is a sophisticated and mature young woman. (See Quotes.)
A lot of friends are coming to D.J.'s 13th birthday party, including Kevin Gwynn, a boy she likes. Kimmy Gibbler tries to get D.J. and Kevin to dance with each other, but they are too nervous, so Kimmy, Kathy Santoni, and the rest of D.J.'s friends try to get D.J. and Kevin to kiss by setting them up during a game of "spin the bottle."
Meanwhile, during the party, the uninvited Stephanie sends Michelle out to the living room with a Polaroid camera to take a picture of the events going on, which surprises D.J. (see Quotes). If that's not bad enough, Stephanie outs D.J.'s love for Kevin, and D.J. is shocked that her sister would find out about it (see Quotes)!
D.J. then allows the family to go out and say hello to Kevin and the rest of the guests, then has them say good-bye before escorting them all out, but Stephanie manages to get past the kitchen door and back into the party, and say hello to Kevin again before the birthday girl has to forcefully escort her back out (see Quotes).
In Michelle's room, she is having her own fun, singing and dancing (see Quotes). Just then, Comet enters the room, and Jesse tries to get the pup to sit, but it fails, leaving Michelle to do it herself (see Quotes).
Back at the party, after a spin, just as D.J. and Kevin are about to kiss, Danny, Jesse and Joey get a little too overprotective and try to prevent it from happening in a most embarrassing way. Becky tries to stop them, but to no avail (see Quotes). D.J. becomes furious and feels humiliated by what the guys did and she feels that they have ruined her 13th birthday by humiliating her in front of her friends, so she storms off upstairs in tears. And despite Danny's "agreement", she is not fooled, and is even more shocked that they would try to do anything silly in front of her guests (see Quotes).
Becky then comes downstairs as Danny tries to explain, but she has a lecture for the guys (see Quotes).
D.J. sits on her bed, crying and cuddling her "Pillow Person" when there is a knock on the door, to which she says that she does not want to talk about what happened. However, the knocker is Becky, and when she sarcastically asks if she can borrow $5, D.J. lets her in, and Becky mentions that she did not really need to borrow any money, but it was the only way to get D.J. to open the door. She promises that anything they talk about will just be between the two of them, such as first kisses (complete with inspirational music), and they do one for good measure (just as the music stops).
It seems the "woman-to-girl" talk worked (as in "A Little Romance"). The guys apologize to D.J. for overreacting, and D.J. apologizes for being angry at them. The guys agree to relax a little and try not to humiliate her like that anymore.
She returns to the party, which ends with Kimmy's apology, and Jake Bitterman, the guy that Kimmy was made to kiss during "spin the bottle", walks her home. Kevin returns to bring D.J. her card, and she nervously says, in her own giggly way, that Kimmy thinks they are the perfect couple. Nervously chuckling back, Kevin replies that Kimmy can't be wrong about everything.
D.J. walks Kevin out to where his bike is, and they say goodnight. Then, they kiss, after which Kevin tells D.J. that he will see her in Algebra class the following Monday, and she says that she will see him, too. After he pedals away, she screams, "yes!" and stares after him (as the studio audience applauds and the EP credits appear).
[In the opening teaser, D.J.'s alarm clock goes off near her bed, and it awakens her and Stephanie. D.J. hits the snooze button...]
Stephanie: [groggily] What time is it?
D.J.: It's 3:47. [She turns her lamp on and gets up out of her bed.] I was born exactly on this day 13 years ago at 3:48.
Stephanie: [sits up] You have an excellent memory.
D.J.: [She looks at her watch, and counts down to said time.] 4, 3, 2, 1. Yes! [She pumps her fist in excitement as she looks in the mirror.] I am now officially a teenager.
Stephanie: Well, pin a rose on your nose.
D.J.: Well, I have to rest up for my party tonight. Oh, and don't forget, you're not invited.
Stephanie: I liked you better when you were a kid.
D.J.: Well, those days are over, because you're now sharing a room with a sophisticated, mature young woman. [Stephanie covers herself up as her older sister hops back into bed and turns her lamp off. All is quiet now, when suddenly, she kicks and screams:] I'M THIRTEEEEEN!
[The birthday girl is shocked about Michelle 'crashing' her party with the camera.]
D.J.: Dad, Stephanie sent Michelle to spy on my party.
Stephanie: All I got was a shot of the living room ceiling. Don't have a cow!
[The family gathers around the birthday girl in the kitchen.]
D.J.: What are you guys doing down here? I thought we had an agreement.
Danny: Yes, we do. Our agreement is that you and your friends behave responsibly and we'll stay out of your way. I'll be right upstairs with Becky working on Monday's show (Wake Up, San Francisco). So let us just say hello to your guests, show them a little bit of your baby photos, maybe run that video of your first bath...
Stephanie: I just wanna meet Kevin Gwynn, the boy you're secretly in love with.
D.J.: You little sneak! You read my diary!
Stephanie: Hey, it's not my fault. You left it in the bottom of the sock drawer, with the key taped under your bed, where anyone could find it.
[The birthday girl has gotten all uninvited guests out of the party and back into the kitchen...all except one.]
D.J.: [ushering the family] Out, out, out!
[The camera switches to another angle, and her look of happiness...]
Stephanie: So, you're Kevin Gwynn. I've read all about you.
[...turns into one of anger.]
D.J.: [storming over] Stephanie, for the last time, get out and stay out!
D.J.: ...rude! Bye! [She escorts her sister out.]
[Upstairs in Michelle's room, she plays with a big plush Bugs Bunny as a music box plays and her uncle watches.]
Jesse: Now this is a party. You got singin', dancin', cwazy wabbits ('crazy rabbits' in Elmer Fudd rhetoric).
Michelle: He's not crazy. [But then, Comet comes in.]
Jesse: Hold it, fur-ball. Why do you always follow me around?
Michelle: The doggy can't talk.
Jesse: I know that. [to Comet] Hey, you! Out! [Comet licks his shoe.] Hey!
Michelle: Comet loves you.
Jesse: Alright, Comet. I'm gonna teach you who's the master and who's the mutt around here, OK? Teach you a very simple command, and all the dogs know it. It's very simple, and it's called 'sit'. You ready? Sit. [But Comet doesn't sit.] Sit. [But again, Comet doesn't sit.] Put your butt on the carpet, dog.
Michelle: Be nice to the doggy. Sit, Comet. [He does so.] You get a cookie [which he munches on]. [to Jesse] See? Be nice.
Jesse: Alright. I'm gonna dig deep into my soul try to be nice to this mutt. Hello, Comet. Comet, you're such a pretty dog. Comet-poo, why don't you try sitting, huh, pal? Come on, Comet. Will you sit for me, pally? Come on, here. It's very simple. Let me show you how it's done. [He demonstrates.] You simply put your back legs down and-- See how I'm doing it? See, Comet? I'm sitting.
Michelle: Very good. You get a cookie [which she gives to Jesse]!
[The guys decide to eavesdrop on the party via the fireplace in Danny's bedroom. All three stick their heads in it.]
Kimmy: Alright, everybody, sit in a circle. Elliott, turn off the lights. Which one of you wants to spin the bottle first?
Jesse, Joey & Danny: 'Spin the bottle'?! [They bump their heads.] Ow!
Becky: Serves you right.
Danny: We gotta get down there, right now.
[But she's not letting them go anywhere.]
Becky: No. Wait a minute! Hold it, you guys! Now this is D.J.'s first boy-girl party. You can't go barging in there like a SWAT team.
Jesse: She's right. We gotta come up with some legitimate excuses... Then, we go barging in there like a SWAT team.
[Becky hears the commotion in the kitchen and rushes downstairs.]
Becky: What happened?
Danny: She hates me.
Becky: Oh, she doesn't hate you.
Jesse: If she hates anybody, it's me. I'm the one who came up with the 'Uncle J' stuff.
Becky: You guys have to realize that D.J.'s a teenager now. It's a really confusing time in her life.
Danny: It's times like these that I wish D.J. still had a mother. Becky, would you do me a huge favor?
Becky: No Danny, I won't marry you. But I will talk to D.J.
Becky: You're welcome.
[Becky decides to make good on her promise to talk to the birthday girl about first kisses.]
Becky: [as she walks over and sits down on Stephanie's bed next to D.J.] What happened?
D.J.: [tearfully] Becky, we were playing "Spin the Bottle", and they set it up so that Kevin and I were gonna kiss. And I really like him. And I kinda wanted to. But I didn't want to, you know? 'Cause everyone was watching, and I've never kissed anyone before.
Becky: D.J., you should never do something just because people want you to do it. A kiss is a very special and very personal thing. Especially your first kiss.
D.J.: I was a little scared.
Becky: Everybody's scared about their first kiss.
D.J.: Kimmy wasn't.
Becky: Never go by Kimmy. When I was scared about my first kiss, it was at a school picnic. [She gets up.] Jimmy Stone and I just won a 3-legged race, and then we went for a walk down by the pond, which wasn't easy because we were still tied together. And we both went to untie the knot, and we bumped heads. And we started laughing so hard that we fell over. And then, he kissed me. I'll never forget that.
D.J.: I hope mine's that nice.
Becky: [She walks over and kneels down to the birthday girl.] It will be. Just wait for the right time and the right guy.
D.J.: How will I know?
Becky: You listen to your heart.
D.J.: Thanks. It’s really hard to talk to the guys and my dad about this kind of stuff.
Becky: Well, I’m always here for you. But don't forget, no matter what your problem is, your dad, and Uncle Jesse, and Joey are always on your side, 'cause I love you very much. Now, get back to your party.
D.J.: Why couldn't I just do that to Kevin?
- The episode title is a take on the 1958 song "16 Candles" by and the 1984 film named for it
- The last of two episodes to air in 1990, but tape in 1989 (hence the 'MCMLXXXIX' copyright date, instead of 'MCMXC'); the first was "Misadventures in Babysitting"
- Jesse saying "You'll have fun, fun, fun, 'til Daddy takes the ketchup bottle away" is a reference to the Beach Boys song "Fun, Fun, Fun ('Til Her Daddy Takes the T-Bird Away)"
- Candace Cameron has said that this was not only her character's first kiss, but her first kiss as well, and right before its filming, she asked co-star Lori Loughlin if she should have her eyes open or closed – Lori said, "closed"
- D.J.'s baby photos and her first bath (video here, photo in the latter) would be referenced in "Crushed" (season 5)
- Songs played during the party: "My Prerogative" and "Crazy for You" (instrumental); the former was played in "Lust in the Dust"