|Pinch for a Pinch|
|Season 4, episode 6|
|Air date||October 26, 1990|
|Writer(s)||Charles A. Pratt, Jr.|
|Previous||Good News, Bad News|
|Next||Viva Las Joey|
Joey teaches Michelle how to play "house hockey", and he reminds her that there's no cross-checking or high-sticking, and breaking a lamp will give her 10 minutes with Comet in the "penalty box". She says that Danny doesn't allow "house hockey", but Joey promises that if she won't tell, he won't tell either. As soon as she gets the knack, she scores a goal against him (see Quotes).
It is Joey's week to be a parent volunteer at Michelle's preschool, but on the Thursday of that week, he has an appointment with a dentist, so he gets Jesse to cover for him at the preschool on that day.
Jesse loses his temper with Aaron, and he tells Michelle to retaliate by doing to Aaron exactly what he did to her. When the teacher, Mrs. Manning, sees Michelle and Aaron both pinching each other at the same time, she punishes both Aaron and Michelle. Jesse, who believes Aaron should be the only one to be punished, angrily takes Michelle out of the preschool.
Danny understands that Jesse was trying to protect Michelle from Aaron, but feels that Jesse should not have had to take her out of the preschool. Danny straightens things out with Mrs. Manning so Michelle can go back to the preschool. And later that night in her room, Jesse has a "little chat" with Michelle where he explains what he taught her was wrong.
When Joey returns from the dentist, Danny and Becky ask him to try some "Ted Koppel cappollini" upon his return. However, he can't, as he tells everyone (using drilling and water jet sounds) that he has to have a root canal, with Becky interpreting his words. He goes into the kitchen to start taking his pain pills as part of what his dentist prescribed him. He tries the usual "glass of water" approach, but when he tries to drink the water, it ends up out of his mouth and down the drain, so he uses the sink's squirt gun.
Meanwhile, Kimmy Gibbler, who is now in charge of the horoscope in the school newspaper, writes a horoscope under Stephanie's sign. As a result, Stephanie freaks out when all of those things start coming true, causing her to wear a catcher's mask the rest of the day. It turns out to be Kimmy playing tricks on Stephanie, which, in turn, causes Stephanie to remove the catcher's mask and yell out "How rude!" If that's not bad enough, she's the latest victim of Michelle's pinching, as she gets pinched for "stealing" Michelle's lamp from her room, when Stephanie was merely borrowing it. The "crab girl" tells Stephanie to "Give it back, or you're getting it again", but Jesse stops her and tells her to "put away the pinchers".
[During Joey and Michelle's "house hockey" game...]
Joey: Heh heh heh. [in a French-sounding accent] Now you must try to shoot ze puck past ze world's best goalie, moi. You must be very, very tricky because nothing gets by Pierre de la Pate.
Michelle: Look! Daddy's home! [He does look, and...she scores a goal.] Score! In your face, Pate!
Joey: You think you are too tricky? Sacre bleu, les enfants [which basically means "OMG the children" in English].
Michelle: Hey, you ate my elephant!
Aaron: It's in my tummy now. Ha ha ha!
Michelle: Give me your cookie!
Aaron: That was my camel!
Michelle: It's in my tummy now. Ha ha ha!
Danny: [to Michelle about the things she’s holding in her arms] Where’d you get all this stuff?
Michelle: At the zoo. I saw lions and tigers and bears.
Danny: Oh my. What happened to preschool?
Michelle: I quit preschool.
Danny: You quit preschool?
Jesse: Well, she didn’t actually quit. I kind of pulled her out of there. Danny, this preschool thing is—is way overrated. [turns to Michelle] Michelle, tell your daddy what you learned today in the real world.
Michelle: A camel can spit.
Jesse: Danny, one day you’re gonna be glad I pulled her out of that place.
Danny: How could you do this? It happens to be an excellent preschool. Michelle is getting an academic foundation that’s gonna carry her through grades K through 12, through college, through Harvard law school. Jess, you have robbed our nation of one of the finest legal minds the Supreme Court has ever known.
Michelle: I gotta go potty. [She exits the living room.]
Stephanie: [regarding her horoscope] You mean I spent this whole day freaking out over nothing? [removes catcher's mask] How rude!
The episode title is a take on the old birthday saying: "A pinch to grow an inch".
The lines by Michelle: "I saw lions and tigers and bears", and Danny: "Oh my", are alluding to the line from the 1939 classic film The Wizard of Oz: "Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!".