|Arrest Ye Merry Gentlemen|
|Season 8, episode 11|
|Air date||December 13, 1994|
|Previous||Under the Influence|
In Stephanie and Michelle's room, while D.J., Stephanie, and Kimmy wrap their Christmas presents, Michelle gets hers out of the closet, as Stephanie remarks that whoever got her Tony the Tiger earrings likes them and D.J. remarks that she still has her Rice Krispies retainer container. When Kimmy asks where the "great gift" is, Michelle pulls it out of the bag to reveal a plastic party tie, complete with cup holder. Stephanie remarks that she has never seen a tie "so... stiff", and D.J. remarks that Danny will love it. Michelle remarks that she has to wrap it really carefully so that Danny will not know what it is (and, despite her not saying it, so it won't get damaged). Kimmy suggests that Michelle give the "great gift" to Danny, and he still will not know what it is, as D.J. slaps her best friend on the shoulder for that remark, and Michelle quickly gets to wrapping as it cuts to the opening credits.
Jesse has been complaining all day that people have no Christmas spirit this year, as the others buy or make gifts for everyone. Michelle buys a plastic party tie with a cup holder on it as a Christmas gift for Danny, and Becky gets the same thing for Joey (which she describes as a gag gift for him that makes Danny do such). She asks Jesse if he bought mistletoe, which he thinks he did. But when she reveals the bag, it turns out to be parsley, which makes Jesse remark that they'll have to "kiss under the garnish". When Michelle overhears Danny saying insulting things about plastic ties with cup holders on them, she decides to burn the gift, wrapping paper and all, in the fireplace. When Jesse sees this, he stops her dead in her tracks before she ends up burning herself and spending the holidays in the hospital. She then decides to exchange it for a different gift for Danny. She and Jesse go to the novelty store she got the tie from, but the grouchy owner, Mr. Dreghorn, refuses to exchange the gift. When Jesse tries to do it himself, Mr. Dreghorn traps them inside the store and hits the silent alarm to alert the police, because he believes that Jesse and Michelle are thieves. Jesse himself threatens to charge Mr. Dreghorn with fraud and kidnapping, as well as failure to exchange a credit gift.
Jesse and Michelle get to the root of Mr. Dreghorn's anger: he hasn't seen his daughter and her family in years. Mr. Dreghorn's daughter and her family moved to Oregon, and Mr. Dreghorn stayed behind to run the store. Jesse and Michelle invite Mr. Dreghorn to the house for Christmas dinner, and Mr. Dreghorn likes the idea. Jesse admits to Michelle that even though he complained about people not having any Christmas spirit, Jesse was the one who didn't have any Christmas spirit, but he feels like he's getting it back.
Meanwhile, Nicky and Alex are afraid of Santa Claus because they saw D.J. and Stephanie struggling to help Joey put his Santa suit on, and Nicky and Alex thought Santa was hurting D.J. and Stephanie. It turns out Joey got the wrong suit and he is having an extremely hard time putting it on, so he has to make do with an Easter Bunny suit, with a Santa hat on top.
Once he and Michelle arrive home, Jesse gets Mr. Dreghorn to use the cordless phone to call his daughter, which brings about a happy reconciliation. And in return, Mr. Dreghorn, dressed as Santa, has presents for the whole family. Michelle, making good on her promise to return the party tie that Danny hated, got him a candy cane electric toothbrush. But instead of spinning bristles and a moving head (like any electric toothbrush), it plays "Deck the Halls", which everyone sings (as the audience applauds and the EP credits appear, followed by a special holiday ending).
Mickey Rooney played Mr. Dreghorn. This was not the first time (or the last) that Rooney (1920 – 2014) played a Santa Claus; most notably, he is the voice of Santa in the recurring TV special Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town (film) (1970), and its sequels: The Year Without a Santa Claus (1974), Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas in July (1979) and A Miser Brothers' Christmas (2008)
Special Holiday Ending
The last scene freezes to reveal the message "We Wish You A Joyous Holiday Season", made to resemble a Christmas card.
[In the teaser, as the girls wrap their Christmas gifts, Michelle gets hers out of the closet.]
Michelle: I bought Dad the greatest gift for Christmas.
D.J.: Wow Michelle, a store-bought gift? No more handmade presents, huh?
Stephanie: Not that they didn't like my Tony the Tiger earrings.
Michelle: Yeah, Frosted Flakes make grrrrrreat jewelry!
D.J.: Well, I still use my Rice Krispies retainer container.
Kimmy: So Squirt, where's the great gift?
Michelle: [takes it out of her bag] Ta-da!
[The other girls look at each other with confusion in their eyes.]
Kimmy: So Squirt, where's the great gift?
Michelle: Right here. See? It's a party tie. Isn't it cool? [gestures to cup holder] Here's a cup holder, so your hands are free to eat Christmas cookies. Whaddya think?
Stephanie: I've never seen a tie...[D.J. taps Stephanie with her arm to get the word out.]...so.....stiff.
D.J.: I'm sure Dad will love it.
Michelle: Yeah, I gotta wrap it real good, so Dad won't know what it is.
Kimmy: Give it to him right now and he won't know what it is.
D.J.: [albeit rather quietly] Kimmy!
[Michelle wraps it up before the cut to the opening credits.]
Michelle: Will you take me back to the store? I gotta exchange it.
Jesse: Out there? On Christmas Eve? Again? [shudders] No, no, no, no, Michelle. Listen, ca-can’t you just make your dad something? I-I-I mean, th-th-there’s plenty of cereal in the kitchen. And I know he’s been hinting for a Froot Loop sombrero.
Michelle: I made him that two years ago.
Michelle: Hi, Mr. Dreghorn. Remember me?
Mr. Dreghorn: Yeah, I remember you. You're the little girl with the big bag of nickels!
Michelle: Mr. Dreghorn, what are you doing tonight?
Mr. Dreghorn: Forget about it, little girl. I've got big plans tonight.
Jesse: Good. Then have your big plans. Be with your family, and go drive them crazy.
Mr. Dreghorn: My family, huh? Which family would you be talking about? The one that never writes me, or the one that never phones me?
- The episode title is a play on the Christmas carol "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen"
- The only episode to feature Christmas decorations on the buildings throughout San Francisco, as well as on the houses on Girard Street
- Three Kellogg's cereals are referenced: Rice Krispies (by D.J.), Froot Loops (by Jesse), and Frosted Flakes (by Stephanie and Michelle, saying "Frosted Flakes make grrrrreat jewelry!" – a take on the cereal's catchphrase: "They're GRRRREAT!", said by Tony the Tiger)
- The fourth episode to have the teaser tied to the main plot; the first being "13 Candles" (season 3), the second being "Greek Week" (season 4 premiere), and the third being "A Very Tanner Christmas" (season 6)
- D.J. and Stephanie's "Comet the Wet-Nosed Reindeer" remark was a reference to "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" (the character and song, and possibly the TV special)