|Be True to Your Preschool|
|Season 6, episode 15|
|Air date||January 26, 1993|
|Next||The Heartbreak Kid|
After talking to the parents of Nicky and Alex's friend Cooper Charles, Jesse wants to get the boys on the "fast track" in their education by having them attend Bouton Hall, the prestigious upper crust preschool that Cooper goes to. Reflecting on his own questionable years as a student, Jesse will do absolutely anything to make that happen, even falsifying information on the application form in order to get Bouton Hall to accept Nicky and Alex.
Meanwhile, Kimmy Gibbler gets her driver's license, and Danny is astonished to learn that Kimmy is an excellent driver. He allows D.J., Stephanie, and Michelle to go out for a ride with her in her older brother Garth's car. While they're out, Kimmy spots the school's chess club and suggests gloating to them about the car. However, the boys have the last laugh when the girls accidentally end up locked out of the car and have to walk a very long couple of miles home.
Jesse and Becky come to the conclusion that even though they want their sons to be in the best preschool they can find, Nicky and Alex would be under too much pressure to succeed if they went to Bouton Hall with Cooper. They realize that the "fast track" is indeed the wrong way to go. Then, Michelle enters, saying that they got a letter, but they toss it away without reading it. After Michelle heads downstairs ahead of them, Jesse retrieves the crumpled letter and finds out that the twins are accepted (see infobox photo)! Then he tosses it away again, and everyone goes downstairs for ice cream (as the studio audience applauds and the EP credits appear).
D.J.: [to Steve] I'll be right there. I forgot my jacket. [She rushes to her room and finds Michelle reading her diary.] Michelle! That's my diary. [She snatches it out of Michelle's hand.] You shouldn't be looking at this.
Michelle: Don't worry. I don't know how to read anyways.
D.J.: Oh, right. Well, just stay out of my stuff anyway, OK?
[D.J. hides the diary under the covers, grabs her jacket, and exits the room. Suddenly, the closet door opens...]
Stephanie: Whew! That was close. [She exits the closet, locates D.J.'s diary under the covers, and pulls it out.] Now, where were we?
Michelle: May 7th. D.J. got a zit.
Stephanie: Oh, right. [She opens it up.] "I tried to make it look like a beauty mark, but nobody was fooled." [Both giggle.]
Jesse: Cooper talks good.
Cooper: Cooper talks well.
Becky: [while reading the twins' preschool application] 'Identify the geometric shape which is most familiar to your offspring.' I don't know the answer.
Jesse: I don't know the question.
Joey [to Jesse] Wow, Bouton Hall, I couldn't get in there and I was 14.
Jesse: It doesn't look like Nicky and Alex will get in there either.
Jesse [while working on the twins' preschool application] Well, they have good verbal skills. I mean, they do talk all the time. It's just not always in English.
Joey: Perfect. Put down that they're bilingual.
Jesse: They're not bilingual!
Joey: Sure they are! They speak two languages: English and gibberish.
[In the kitchen, D.J., Stephanie, and Steve are having cookies and milk when Michelle asks a favor.]
Michelle: Steve, are you my friend?
Steve: Of course I am.
Stephanie: Watch it, Steve. She's setting you up.
Michelle: Do you mind? I'm talking to my friend. [Stephanie rolls her eyes.] [to Steve] Can you help me with my math?
Steve: Well, math's not my best subject, but I can give it a shot.
Michelle: Just so you know, it's '5, take away (minus) 1'.
Steve: '5, take away 1'. Alright, now, [putting cookies on the table] let's say you have five cookies. Now, if you take away one [pops one into his mouth, and mumbling:], how many do you have left?
Michelle: Four, if I hurry. [She takes the rest.]
D.J.: Michelle, what are you doing?
Michelle: Studying [and leaves].
[When the girls get out of the car at a stop light to show off to some nerds, they get locked out.]
Stephanie: Gibbler, my door is locked.
D.J.: Mine too.
Michelle: Mine three.
[The nerds get the last laugh and walk away.]
Kimmy: I must've hit the power door lock. We're locked out!
D.J.: [sighs] Well, maybe we can break a window. We need something hard.
Stephanie: How about Gibbler's head?
Kimmy: We can't break a window on 'Wild Thing'! My brother would kill me.
[They all walk over to the curb and sit down.]
D.J.: Now what are we gonna do?
Michelle: [happily] We can get a pizza!
Stephanie: [sarcastically] Good idea, Michelle. And how would you like to get it?
Michelle: Oh, yeah. We can have it delivered! [The others just look at each other.]
[In their apartment, Jesse tries again to get the twins to show how smart they are using shape-fitting blocks.]
Jesse: [holding up a green piece] No, no, no! This has five sides, and it's called a... a 'five-side-agon' [pentagon]. Now, please concentrate. Where does the 'five-side-agon' go? [Alex throws it at his dad's head.]
Becky: Uh-oh, Daddy got a boo-boo. [They both get up and kiss his boo-boo.]
- The episode title is a play on "Be True to Your School", a 1963 Beach Boys top 10 hit – which they performed in "Our Very First Telethon" (season 3)
- In the teaser, it is revealed that D.J. got a zit on May 7; however, the only zit ever mentioned in the series was in "Aftershocks" (season 3), when she plays Mrs. Claus for her school's Christmas play, and mentions there were 10 other girls who had zits like her
- It is learned that the car's name is "Wild Thing", which is the song the girls sing as they are joyriding, a 1965 hit by The Troggs (#1 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart)