|Season 5, episode 16|
|Air date||January 14, 1992|
|Writer(s)||Diana "Jennie" Ayers & Susan Sebastian|
|Previous||Play It Again, Jesse|
Becky and Michelle are putting the finishing touches on Stephanie's birthday cake, and it appears to be chocolate, frosting and all. As always, whenever she helps out with baking, Michelle is anxious to lick the spatula, but Becky says she'll have to wait until they're done. Once they are done, Michelle wipes the spatula on the cake and licks it, taking lots of frosting with her.
It is Stephanie's 10th birthday. When she hears that Tommy Page, her favorite singer, is scheduled to be a guest on Wake Up, San Francisco, she begs Danny to invite Tommy to her birthday party, but Danny refuses. What Danny does not want Stephanie to know is that he has arranged for Tommy to be at the party, but he wants it to be a surprise.
After Stephanie's party begins, Danny brings Tommy home with him, and she is shocked. In addition, Kimmy shows up uninvited, and asks Tommy to autograph her shoe. Like always, once she takes it off, the odor freaks everyone out, leading Danny and Joey to forcefully escort her out. With that out of the way, Stephanie asks Tommy to sign her CD, which he does with "Love, Tommy". This causes her to swoon into an ecstatic faint, and D.J. has to escort her to the recliner to rest.
A day or two after the party, Stephanie is so starstruck that she immediately begins imagining herself as Mrs. Tommy Page, but then she is devastated when she sees Tommy and D.J. kissing, and D.J. exclaiming an exciting and fist-pumping "Yes!" when she finds out she likes him. Stephanie angrily declares war on D.J. for that. Not long after, she storms upstairs to her room in tears. Later, she has a heart-to-heart with Becky about what to do when a man is stolen by another woman and vice-versa.
After the heart-to-heart with Becky, and as part of her plan to declare war on D.J., Stephanie brings down a box of photos to the attic for Tommy to look at, mostly those of the party, as well as D.J. herself and her own 10th birthday party. After three embarrassing childhood photos of D.J. (namely, her first encounter with the mumps, first bath, and first rash), D.J. herself has had enough and brings Stephanie back up to the kitchen to chat with her, which quickly escalates. When Stephanie finds one that she took of D.J. drooling in her sleep, this causes tensions to rise, Stephanie to put the photo box down on the table and make a break for it, and D.J. to demand the "little worm" hand over the photo and chase her out of the kitchen, into the living room, and back around into the kitchen (through the laundry room side), with Danny, Jesse, and Joey all joining in. After Joey stops Stephanie and Danny stops D.J., Jesse immediately snatches the photo out of Stephanie's hand, and a sibling battle ensues, followed by a surprise revelation and an important life lesson: It turns out that Tommy wants to be friends with both Stephanie and D.J., much to D.J.’s shock and disappointment after the two hours she spent out with him earlier.
Per Danny, what Stephanie is experiencing is more of a crush than love. Jesse remarks that real love occurs when someone's heart starts pounding, their toes curl, and they start sweating (at which point Danny stares at him, forcing him to stop); and none of them thinks that it has happened to her yet. Joey adds that they understand what Stephanie's going through and that sometimes she wishes for something so badly that she starts believing it is true (when in reality, it's not).
In her former room (as inspirational music plays), D.J. later confesses to Stephanie that she thought Tommy liked her as a girlfriend, and Stephanie remarks that at least D.J. was not making wedding invitations. They give their "sisters forever" promise and hug (as the audience "aw"s this moment). As she leaves her former room, she tells her former roommate to give her embarrassing childhood photos back, along with the negatives to boot. Stephanie says that she will definitely give the photos back, but they will have to negotiate and make a deal on the negatives. She exits, leaving Stephanie alone in what is still her room, and Stephanie turns on her boombox and hears the special song Tommy wrote for her.
Meanwhile, Michelle asks Joey to teach her how to do comedy.
Tommy Page (1970 – 2017) was a singer, known for his 1990 hit single, "I'll Be Your Everything", and later became a publisher of Billboard Magazine. On March 3, 2017, he was found dead of an apparent suicide.
[Stephanie has brought down to the attic a box of photos of her party, and unfortunately for her, included in the mix are photos that are enough for D.J. to reach both her breaking and boiling points.]
D.J.: Steph, I don't think Tommy wants to look at pictures of a 10-year-old's birthday party.
Tommy: No, that's OK.
Stephanie: No, D.J.'s right. You'd probably rather look at pictures of her.
D.J.: What pictures?
Stephanie: [takes out one at random] Here's one where D.J. had the mumps. Doesn't she remind you of Mr. Potato Head?
D.J.: Give me that. [snatches the photo out of Stephanie's hand]
Stephanie: [takes out a second one] Here is my favorite: D.J.'s first bath.
D.J.: [snatches that photo out of Stephanie's hand] You're dead.
Stephanie: [takes a third one] And in this one, you can see the little rash on her face.
[At and/or by this point, D.J. has had enough. She really has had enough. So much so, that that last photo has caused her anger to reach both its breaking and boiling points; Stephanie literally asked for it, and boy, is she gonna get it now.]
D.J.: [snatches that photo out of Stephanie's hand] That's it! [she runs over and grabs Stephanie by the arm and pulls her toward the attic stairs] Excuse us, but I would like to have a little chat with my sister.
Stephanie: No, that's OK. I don't really feel like chatting.
D.J.: I do. NOW! [pulls her arm again to drive the point home, and escorts her sister out of the attic and upstairs to the kitchen]
Stephanie: Don't worry, Tommy. I'll be right back.
D.J.: No, she won't. I promise.
[They make their way upstairs to the kitchen, where it turns into an escalating argument that also causes tensions to rise.]
D.J.: Stephanie, how could you do this to me?!
Stephanie: What about what you did to me, you backstabbing boyfriend-stealing traitor?
D.J.: WHAT?! You thought Tommy was your boyfriend? You're dreaming!
Stephanie: He was too my boyfriend!
Jesse: [arrives to break up the fight] Alright, girls.
Stephanie: And he's gonna dump you and come back to me after he finds out you drool in your sleep.
D.J.: I do not!
Stephanie: Yes, you do. And I have the picture to prove it. [she takes out said photo, which looks to have been taken from a Polaroid camera]
D.J.: [tries to snatch it from her] Where did you get that?
Stephanie: You didn't know I took this, did you? I knew it would come in handy.
[She puts the box on the table and makes a break for it with the photo in tow, but her sister doesn't hesitate to give chase, as Jesse tries to stop them.]
D.J.: Give me that, you little worm!
Jesse: Alright. Girls. Girls!
[The action goes from the kitchen to the living room, with D.J. chasing Stephanie, and Jesse following close behind to try to stop them. Danny and Joey are coming downstairs when they see this.]
Joey: What's this all about?
Danny: I don't know, but there they go.
[They too join in the chase, which is still going when the girls make it back into the kitchen, through the laundry room side.]
[Before the chase can continue or even start a second round, the guys bring it to a stop. Danny has to restrain D.J. and Joey has to restrain Stephanie.]
Jesse: Give me that! [snatches the photo out of Stephanie's hand]
Danny: Jesse, what is going on here?
Jesse: [to Danny] Next time you bring a big star home, try Angela Lansbury! [See Allusions]
D.J.: Stephanie thinks Tommy is her boyfriend and she's showing him embarrassing pictures of me.
Stephanie: He was too my boyfriend 'til you stole him!
D,J.: You're insane!
Stephanie: I am not insane! He signed my CD, "Love, Tommy".
Joey: He signed my CD, "Love, Tommy".
Stephanie: But he wrote a special song just for me. And he kissed me. I love him, and he loves me.
Danny: Look, Steph, I know you feel really strongly about this, and I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but I don't think this is really love. I think it's just a crush.
Jesse: Steph, your dad's right. You know, when it's really love, your heart starts pounding, and your toes curl, and you start sweating, and--[Danny stares at him, which forces him to stop.]--Well, this isn't it.
Joey: Hey, Steph, look, we all know what you're going through, OK? And sometimes you wish for something so badly that you start believing it's true.
D.J.: Yeah, Steph, face reality. Tommy was just being nice. He's not in love with you. He's in love with me.
Danny, Jesse, and Joey: What?
Danny: When did this happen? You just met him.
D.J.: I know we only spent a couple hours together, and it's true we haven't talked about commitment yet, but I think it's getting pretty serious.
[An unhappy and depressed Stephanie sits on her bed, with Mr. Bear next to her. D.J. enters her former room, eager to have a chat with her former roommate.]
Stephanie: Can I help you?
D.J.: Well, I thought if I’m miserable and you’re miserable, we might as well be miserable together.
Stephanie: Sit. Be miserable.
[D.J. sits at what was her desk and has been Stephanie's desk, and then joins Stephanie on what was her bed and has been Stephanie's bed ever since her older sister got her own room.]
D.J.: I was so dumb. I was so sure he liked me.
Stephanie: At least you didn’t make up wedding invitations.
D.J.: You know what the weirdest part is? Everything Dad, Joey and Uncle Jesse said was right. I hate when that happens.
Stephanie: If this was just a crush, I don’t know if I can take it when I really fall in love. What’s that going to feel like?
D.J.: I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve ever really been in love before, but I hear it’s pretty intense.
Stephanie: I hear the same thing.
D.J.: You know what I just realized? I am sitting here talking to you about love and boys. Steph, you’re really growing up.
Stephanie: I must be, because ever since I turned 10, life got so complicated.
D.J.: Well, one day, we’re going to be dating like crazy. And I want you to know that I will never, ever steal one of your boyfriends. Because guys are going to come and guys are going to go, but you and I will be sisters forever.
Stephanie: Sisters forever. [They hug.]
D.J.: [as she prepares to leave] And I want every one of those embarrassing pictures back.
Stephanie: You got it.
D.J.: And the negatives.
Stephanie: We'll talk.
- Angela Lansbury (see Quotes) is the actress known for playing the roles of Miss Price in the 1971 Disney film Bedknobs and Broomsticks, Jessica Fletcher in the CBS television series Murder, She Wrote (1984–96), and the voice of Mrs. Potts in the 1991 Disney film Beauty and the Beast
- D.J.'s baby photos, including the one of her first bath, is a reference to the silly stunt that the guys were going to pull off in "13 Candles"