|Season 8, episode 12|
|Air date||January 3, 1995|
|Previous||Arrest Ye Merry Gentlemen|
Viper breaks up with D.J., and Nelson Burkhard is there to console her. Later, Viper shows up, saying that breaking up with her was a mistake, and he now wants D.J. back. Nelson jumps in on the situation, and he and Viper compete for D.J., who decides that she does not want to be with either one of them. Becky commends D.J. on her decision to not be with either of them, telling her to never settle and wait for the right boy to come along.
Meanwhile, the rest of the Tanner household pitch in to help clean up a vandalized community playground, resulting in a sticky situation for Joey.
Instead of stills, the family is shown coming home from a successful playground clean up—everyone but Joey, and Jesse leaves to go get him. Cut to a close up of Joey's arm with his clothes nailed or stapled to the playground fence, while he is calling for Jesse, who put him up there (due to the hammer mishap).
Singer Frankie Valli appears as himself.
[Joey is hammering and Jesse stops him.]
Joey: This hammer's a lot heavier than I thought.
[Jesse bites on Joey's hand, causing him to surrender control of the hammer.]
Jesse: This happens to be a Katsopolis family hammer, okay? My great-grandfather used it to build his house in Greece. He then passed it down to my grandfather, who then passed it down to my father, who told me never to let you touch it. I love this hammer.
Joey: Okay, alright, fine. I'll just go crank up the power saw. Unless you have some bizarre family attachment to that piece of hardware too.
[Danny arrives from picking up more supplies.]
Danny: OK Jess, I've picked up the supplies. I also put together this spiffy construction outfit. How do I look?
Jesse: Like one of the Village People.
[Joey uses the power saw but, unfortunately, doesn't know that Jesse had put his hammer on the slab of wood and then saws without looking.]
Joey: Oh no.
Jesse: Did I just hear an 'Oh no' from a man with a power saw?
Joey: Oh, uh, no.
Jesse: What happened?
Joey: Well, I just took off a little piece of my finger. Ow! [showing his hand, but bending one finger.]
Jesse: As long as nothing happened to my hammer. [He picks up the head, but notices that most of the handle's missing.]
Joey: Jess, don't panic. It-it was an accident, alright? Uh, you can still use it. You can use it for, uh, uh, small things, like uh, like thumbtacks! [He does a small Popeye laugh, and demonstrates.]
Jesse: [as he snatches the hammerhead out of Joey's hand] Thumbtacks! You know what? I'm not gonna kill you. I'm not gonna kill you right here. You know why?
Joey: 'Cause you forgive me.
Jesse: No. Too many witnesses. [He chases Joey.]
[Danny gets ready to test the teeter-totter, with Stephanie on one side, and Kimmy on the other.]
Danny: Let's try 'er out.
[Kimmy goes down while Stephanie goes up; Stephanie tries to go down but to no avail.]
Stephanie: Uh, Dad, great teeter, but I'm not seeing much totter.
Danny: Okay. [pushing down on it, to no avail] Kimmy, did you gain weight?
Kimmy: Yeah, [sarcastically] I'm up to 260 now.
Danny: Must've over-tightened it.
Becky: Let's all push together.
Danny: Alright, on three. ... Three!
[He, Becky, and D.J. all push down hard, sending a screaming Kimmy flying into a tree. Everyone watches this with shocked looks.]
Becky: Excellent dismount! She really nailed that landing.
- The episode title is a take on the 1982 film Sophie's Choice, starring Meryl Streep, who won an Academy Award for her performance
- The last appearance of Viper
- The second of three episodes to feature an closing-credits scene
- Goof: The Tanner's address is stated several times as being 1882 Gerard St., but as Nelson and D.J. arrive at the front door, the house number is (mistakenly) shown as "1892"