|Season 3, episode 8|
|Air date||November 17, 1989|
|Writer(s)||Marc Warren & Dennis Rinsler|
|Previous||And They Call It Puppy Love|
|Next||Dr. Dare Rides Again|
Sharing a bedroom with Stephanie is driving D.J. crazy, and when they invite their friends over, they end up arguing about when who is allowed in the room, and when who is not. When Stephanie's friends (Jimmy and Walter) come over to the room and she is caught playing with D.J.'s "pillow person" upon the entrance of her friends (Monica and Kimmy; the former of whom also attended the same elementary school as D.J. and Kimmy), older sister again has to remind younger sister about "rule #1" from the series premiere: Never touch D.J.'s stuff. And although she didn't directly mention it, Stephanie also broke "rule #2", by setting foot on D.J.'s side and jumping on D.J.'s bed. The argument leads to who the better sister is, by comparing height and age. But when D.J. remarks that she is smarter, Stephanie, thinking that replying that she is stupider or dumber is just as stupid and dumb as actually saying it, remarks, "I'm...not falling for that!"
This subsequently leads to Danny evicting their friends, and then banishing them to their room, with no phone, music, or TV. Even worse, they have to eat dinner together; well, not technically, as D.J. eats at their table and Stephanie eats on a tray at the toy chest near her bed. As they eat, Stephanie asks Mr. Bear when D.J. will come to her senses and apologize, to which D.J. remarks, "When that bear answers you out loud", and on behalf of Mr. Bear, Stephanie unleashes a "How rude!" on her sister. The problems get worse when Stephanie loudly gulps down her milk, to which D.J. asks her if she must do that, and admits that it does bother her and she has a problem with it when asked by Stephanie, who then says that she must, and continues to gulp to a point where D.J. can't take it anymore. She decides that they should just pretend to make up so Danny can be happy. Stephanie says that it is a great idea, but D.J., who earlier said that she was smarter, says she will be the one doing the talking. Stephanie says that if she were so smart, she "would've thought of this three hours ago".
Danny knocks on the door and asks if he can come in, to which D.J. moves Stephanie's tray over to the table and tells her to get ready to start laughing. When he comes in, they have their fake hug, and when he leaves, they go back to their old ways. This causes Stephanie to want a divorce from her sister and move in with Michelle, and D.J. can call Kimmy to give her the good news that she has her own room all to herself for the first time in many moons. But before she can do so, Stephanie stops her, grabs the phone base, pulls it off (thus disconnecting the phone), and takes it with her, declaring that "half of the stuff in this room is mine" (and unfortunately, the red phone is not one of them).
Stephanie moves her bed, lamp, toy chest, and Mr. Bear into Michelle's room. And despite the fact it is Michelle's room, Stephanie is older than Michelle, thus making her "the boss", and that Michelle needs to know only two words, and those are: "Okay ... boss!". Jesse comes in and notices this, and all he can say is "Good Golly, Miss Molly!" He then asks what Stephanie, her bed, and her stuff is doing in Michelle's room, and she says that she decided to let D.J. have her own room. He remarks that he doesn't know how much she paid her sister for the switch, but that she should pay her back. Stephanie can only say it was her idea, and, speechless as he is, Jesse kisses them and then lets them have their shut-eye, but threatens to have a chat with Danny about this the minute he gets home.
That night, Michelle hits Stephanie on the head, and now Stephanie can't sleep. Jesse then sees D.J. rollerblading in her own room, and with Stephanie's bed gone, there seems to be more space for her to do just that without falling and hurting herself (however, she is wearing protective gear, sans a helmet and arm pads). He remarks that she isn't missing Stephanie too badly, and when she answers with "Stephanie who?", Jesse notices that there is indeed a problem.
In an effort to solve the problem, and after Stephanie threatens to take D.J. to The People's Court, Danny, Jesse, and Joey set up a courtroom kind of setting in the living room, with the bench as (appropriately) "the bench", the recliner as a "witness stand", Danny as the "judge" (and using a squeaky toy hammer as a "gavel" and remarking they "don't need Judge Wapner", when they have "Judge Tanner"), Jesse and Joey as the two "attorneys," Stephanie as the "plaintiff" (represented by Jesse), and D.J. as the "defendant" (represented by Joey); but the guys themselves have a problem. During D.J.'s "testimony", Joey characterizes Stephanie as "perky", to which Jesse objects (but there is no overruling or sustaining); D.J., as usual, gives her usual points about Stephanie violating her privacy, which she needs to put on makeup, make phone calls, and (while not mentioned) write in her diaries; but every time she turns around, Stephanie is right there and that there must be five or six of her. Also, D.J. mentions that the two of them have nothing in common. However, in the cross-examination, Jesse counters that previous point, noting that "Wednesday last", they were playing with Barbie dolls together in their room when it was raining outside, and D.J mentions such. During Stephanie's "testimony", she claims that the reason that she can't live or even sleep with Michelle is because she will go nuts (with no mentioning of last night's events where she got hit on the head), and she also explains that she moved into Michelle's room because she hates having to put up with the "new D.J." instead of the "old D.J." that she liked when D.J. herself was a kid. D.J. says that it is not that she does not like Stephanie, she just would like it better if Stephanie were in a different room. Danny ultimately decides that Michelle is still too young and not ready for a roommate, and while Stephanie is still a "child" in elementary/grade school and D.J. is now a "young woman" in junior high/middle school (as she claims), they must respect each other's lives as well as their stuff and things are not going to be the same as they once were and they've got to find some way to get along with each other for the time being, and Jesse and Joey concur; Jesse saying that their five-year age difference may sound like a lot now, but in a few years it will not mean a thing, and Joey adding that in a few years they will look back on this experience and realize just how lucky they are to have each other. With the case now a moot point and officially "dismissed", everyone helps move Stephanie's stuff back into D.J.'s room.
The guys have a bet with each other as to who among them is the most athletic, and to settle the bet, they have challenged each other to a foot race on a nearby track. To make the race more interesting and to up the ante and raise the stakes, the winner has to pick the costumes that the losers will wear to the Halloween party at Stephanie's school, which D.J. agrees to attend before attending her own Halloween party later at Kathy Santoni's house (one of the things the sisters were arguing about when their friends came over).
It becomes even more serious when Becky shows up with the Wake Up, San Francisco crew to tape the race, meaning that the whole city is anxiously awaiting the outcome. Danny wins – literally by a nose. Danny has Jesse and Joey wear Raggedy Ann and Andy costumes to the party, with Stephanie attending as Batman (her other choices were Wonder Woman and Connie Chung), D.J. attending as The Joker (complete with laugh and mask, which she removes prior to her heart-to-heart with Stephanie, see below), and Michelle as a black cat.
Before the roommates depart for Stephanie's party, they have a heart-to-heart with each other (complete with the inspirational music). Stephanie explains that this will be the first carnival without D.J., and D.J. does not get why Stephanie likes hanging out with her so much and Stephanie explains said reasoning about why she was moping around and telling D.J. to have fun at Kathy's party. Stephanie points out the obvious: D.J.'s smart and cool. D.J. also likes hanging out with Stephanie because she is a little nutty and she makes D.J. laugh.
The others arrive with their costumes, and Jesse and Joey remind Danny that they are his dates as they serenade him with "On the Good Ship Lollipop" (and the studio audience laughs and applauds as the EP credits appear).
- The episode title is taken from the court show Divorce Court
- The first episode where Stephanie moves out temporarily
- The second of two season-three episodes in which Walter appears
- The third episode to feature D.J. and Stephanie being addressed by their full names; the first was in "Sisterly Love" (season 1) and the second was in "El Problema Grande de D.J." (season 2); only Stephanie is addressed in "Cutting It Close"
- The only appearance of D.J.'s friend Monica
- Jimmy also served as the "minister" of Stephanie and Harry Takayama's pretend wedding in "Middle Age Crazy" (also season 2)
- Jesse's "Good Golly, Miss Molly" is a reference to a popular song by Little Richard
- When Stephanie threatens to take D.J. to The People's Court, Danny immediately references Joseph Wapner (1919–2017), the original judge (1981–1993) of the reality series; this is the second episode to reference such, the first was "Joey's Place" (season 1)
- The events of this episode most likely led to the events of "Take My Sister, Please" (season 5); although while D.J. again asked for her own room and Stephanie did not want to sleep with Michelle, Danny told them that Michelle was too young for a roommate, so Stephanie took matters into her own hands by temporarily moving out of her and D.J.'s room and (literally) moved her bed into Michelle's room
- D.J. suggesting that she'd like Stephanie better if Stephanie were in a different room was a reference to their "different worlds (D.J.)/different rooms (Stephanie)" remarks in "Back to School Blues"
- When D.J. and Stephanie hug each other, Danny comes in and says, "Ah, Batman hugging the Joker: now this is how the movie should’ve ended" – which apparently was a reference to the 1989 Batman movie
- "On the Good Ship Lollipop", the song Jesse and Joey serenade Danny with, was the signature song of child star Shirley Temple (1928–2014)