| Driving Miss D.J. | |
| Season 5, episode 20 | |
 | |
| Air date | February 25, 1992 |
| Writer(s) | Mark Fink |
| Director | Joel Zwick |
| Previous | The Devil Made Me Do It |
| Next | Yours, Mine and Ours |
Full House - DJ's Driving Lesson
Driving Miss D.J. is episode twenty in season five of Full House. It originally aired on February 25, 1992.
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See #Quotes.
Synopsis[]
D.J. now has her learner's permit, and she is eager to learn how to drive. When Danny tries to teach D.J. how to drive, he makes her even more nervous than she already is with the way he gives instructions, and by being overprotective. She turns on the radio to a rock station, but he turns it off. It soon becomes clear that he is being excessively cautious about her learning how to drive, and she tells him so. But he says that she is being too emotional. He tells her they need to switch places, but she just goes to the back seat to sulk and they head home.
Meanwhile, Becky prepares to take the twins' first portraits, Jesse has them dressed in doo rags – like himself. She goes along with it, but when Danny and D.J. come home arguing and Jesse leaves to be the peacemaker, it is her chance to ditch the rags.
Elsewhere, with Michelle bugging her constantly when she has friends over, Stephanie starts to feel exactly the same irritation that D.J. felt when she and D.J. were roommates, and as a result, she resorts to drastic measures; though unlike D.J., Stephanie has no rules regarding Michelle touching her stuff or even if and when she can be on Stephanie's side of the room; though like always, the one rule is that whenever Stephanie's around Michelle, she is the older sister, and thus, "the boss". Through the use of the "Hairy Scary Monster", which Stephanie had threatened to summon by saying his name three times if Michelle did not stop bugging her, Joey helps Michelle realize that she must stop annoying Stephanie whenever she has friends over and has to go somewhere else to play (see Quotes).
Out on the road, as Jesse tries to teach D.J. with his Mustang, he tells her to "feel the vibrations", but she feels them a little too much and accidentally puts a scratch on the side (see Quotes), and apologizes to him for the damage.
Back home, Danny is watching a movie on TV that involves cars being driven recklessly fast, which is not what he really wants to see right now and shuts off the TV. When the guys finally realize how helpless they are making D.J. feel by complicating her efforts to learn how to drive, they finally find the strength to let go and help D.J. do her learning in peace. Kimmy comes by, telling D.J. that she took the learner's permit test and passed it – by reading the manual and doing what it says. Danny insists the way he teaches is to protect her, but he wants her to understand there are bad drivers out there. She asks him if she should ride a bike or a horse for the rest of her life, and insists he let go. Jesse also feels the same way, and they decide to take turns teaching her: Danny promising not to be so tense, and Jesse promising not to be so laid back.
Now, Danny and Jesse are in Danny's car with D.J. She is in the driver's seat, with Danny in the front and Jesse in the back center. The guys begin to argue over how she should drive, but then she sounds like the parent by warning them that if they do not stop arguing, she will turn the car around and head home. Danny apologizes, and she finally starts to drive on an actual road (as the inspirational music plays). When she asks if she can turn on the radio, this time they both say "no". And, they ride off (as the audience applauds and the EP credits appear).
Quotes[]
[The opening teaser:]
Joey: [In his room, putting a shoe on] Okey-dokey. [looks around] Now, where did I put that other shoe? [gets on the floor to look under his bed]
Michelle: [enters and sees Mr. Woodchuck propped up] Hi, Mr. Woodchuck. I wish you were real. [Still down behind the bed, Joey throws his voice.]
Mr. Woodchuck: I am real.
Michelle: Who said that?
Mr. Woodchuck: I did.
Michelle: You can't talk without Joey.
Mr. Woodchuck: Did you ever think he can't talk without me?
Michelle: [crawls on the bed to the other side and pulls back the comforter] Hello, Joe.
Mr. Woodchuck: Pay no attention to that man under the bed (a la The Wizard of Oz) [puts he head back under].
Michelle: [uncovers him again] Joey, you're busted.
Joey: Okay, so it wasn't Mr. Woodchuck talking it was actually me.
Michelle: Duh.
Joey: Duh.
[Jesse and Becky are humming the Bonanza theme song as they bounce each twin on their knee.]
Jesse: [They stop.] [speaking in the style of an Old West movie character:] Alright, now remember cowkids, it's a very important code of the West: Always keep your saddles dry now, ya hear?
[A stressed Danny returns from the DMV.]
Danny: [sighs] Hey, Jess.
Jesse: Hey, how'd it go? Did D.J. get her learner's permit?
Danny: It was a nightmare.
Jesse: She flunked?
Danny: Worse...
[Then, an excited D.J. runs in, with her not-so-excited best friend following.]
D.J.: I passed!
Jesse: [pleased] Alright, Deej! [He runs over and kisses her.]
Kimmy: [slightly annoyed] I failed! I don't get it. I copied every one of D.J.'s answers and I still flunked the test.
Jesse: Kimmy, they give everyone different tests so no one can cheat.
Kimmy: They do?
Jesse: Uh-huh.
Kimmy: That's what's wrong with the world today; no one trusts anyone. Bye.
D.J.: Bye.
[Stephanie and her friend Rita are playing with a cootie catcher when Michelle enters the bedroom with the tape player and microphone.]
Michelle: I wrote a song about a duck and a pig. [singing:] 'Oh, Mr. Duck. Oh, Mr. Pig. Quack, quack, quack, quack, oink, oink...'
Stephanie: Michelle, would you please leave us alone?! Rita and I are busy telling fortunes, okay?
Michelle: Tell mine! Tell mine!
Stephanie: [as she ushers her sister out of their room] Okay. In the very near future, you'll be singing a song about a duck and a pig out in the hall! [She slams the door shut.]
Rita: That was easy.
Stephanie: Too easy. She'll be back.
Michelle: [returns] I'm back!
Stephanie: Michelle...! [...] [But as soon as her sister starts up again, she decides...] That's enough! [...and hits the recorder's stop button.] If you don't get out right now... I'm gonna call the Hairy Scary Monster.
Michelle: Oh, puh-lease!
Stephanie: All I have to do is say his name three times. [sing-song:] Oh, Hairy Scary Monster. That's one.
Michelle: Is he nice like the Cookie Monster?
Stephanie: Are you kidding? He scares the Cookie Monster. Because he's the Hairy Scary Monster. That's two.
Michelle: Uh-oh. Next comes three!
Stephanie: It sure does. Hairy... Scary...
Michelle: [stopping her worriedly] Don't say it! [And she runs out.]
Danny: [on the phone] Uh, yeah, Governor Wilson's office. Yes, hi. Danny Tanner here, concerned citizen. Yeah, I was just wondering: Is there any way we can raise the driving age to 35?
[On her bed, Stephanie and Rita are reading a magazine when Michelle interrupts them.]
Michelle: Guess what? I'm a cheerleader.
Stephanie: Not now, Michelle.
Michelle: [waving pom poms] Gimme an A. Gimme a B. Gimme a C...
Stephanie: Gimme an O-U-T! [with motions] Out! Out! Waaaaay out!
Michelle: [puts the pom-poms down and sits down] This is my room, too.
[Stephanie summons the Hairy Scary Monster in an attempt to get Michelle out of the room. When the monster (Joey) appears, Stephanie screams and runs under Michelle's bed and Rita runs into the closet.]
Michelle: [smiling] Thank you, Joey.
Joey: [removing his Wolfman mask] You're very welcome, Michelle. [They high-five each other.]
Stephanie: [emerging from under the bed] Joey, we knew it was you all along. Right, Rita?
Rita: [angrily folding her arms as she emerges from the closet] Heck, no!
Joey: [sternly] Okay. Now, look. You guys are all even now, okay? So, let's call a little truce. Steph, no more scaring Michelle. Michelle, when Stephanie's in here with her friends, you gotta give her some space (a lesson learned by Stephanie herself in "Take My Sister, Please"). Deal?
The roommates: Deal. [They shake hands.]
Joey: Here [handing her the mask], put this on, Michelle, and let's all howl on it. [It's on her head.] Ready?
All: Oww-ooooo!
[At a park, a couple of cyclists ride by as the camera pans down to show Jesse and D.J. inside of "Mustang Sally" (shown in infobox photo).]
D.J.: Wow! I never thought I'd be driving your Mustang.
Jesse: I like the color of Sally. "Mustang Sally". You know, there's only 1,100 of these in the whole country, but mine is the only one with a complete set of Elvis lugnuts.
Jesse: [after D.J. scratches Mustang Sally] It's just a car. It's just a car. [looks closer at the scratches and starts to get emotional] It's just a ca-ca-ca...
D.J.: I am so sorry! I feel terrible! I promise I'll do better tomorrow.
[Danny is watching a movie with a car chase, and the sight of that worries him about the possibility of what'll happen to his oldest daughter if she ever gets behind the wheel.]
Danny: [shuts the TV off] Why am I watching this?
[In Danny's car, D.J. and Danny are in the front seat and Jesse is in the back.]
Jesse: Deej, whatever you do, don't use the 'feel it' method. Just pull out and take it nice and easy.
Danny: Yeah, but not too easy. You have to drive defensively.
Jesse: Yeah, but you don't wanna be too uptight.
Danny: You calling me uptight?
Jesse: Uptight, paranoid, whatever.
Danny: Oh, I'm paranoid? I care about my daughter.
Jesse: I realize that, but you're a little...
D.J.: Hey! If you boys don't behave, I will turn this car right around and go straight home.
Danny & Jesse: Sorry.
D.J.: Okay. Signal. Check my mirrors. Look over my shoulder [cut to a wide shot] and pull out into traffic for the very first time. ... I'm really driving. I love it!
Jesse: She's pretty good, huh, Danny?
Danny: Yeah, I'm actually feeling good about this.
D.J.: Can I turn on the radio?
Danny & Jesse: No!
Trivia[]
- The episode title is a take on the title of the 1989 Oscar-winning film Driving Miss Daisy
- Jesse named his Mustang "Sally" after the 1966 hit "Mustang Sally (song)"
- D.J. mentioning if she should ride a horse the rest of her life was likely a reference to "D.J.'s Very First Horse" (2.4)
- Stephanie's act of saying "Hairy, Scary Monster" three times to summon said monster is a reference to Beetlejuice, a 1988 horror-comedy movie by Tim Burton, spun off into an animated series of the same name (and was airing on ABC's Saturday morning block at the time this episode originally aired). Saying "Beetlejuice" three times would cause the titular mischievous ghost to appear.
- Joey scares Stephanie as part of teaching her a lesson by wearing a rubber mask and gloves of the Wolfman, a movie monster that scared Stephanie back in "Baby Love" (2.16)