|Grand Gift Auto|
|Season 6, episode 20|
|Air date||March 16, 1993|
|Previous||Subterranean Graduation Blues|
|Next||Room for One More|
Joey loves D.J. and her sisters like they were his own daughters. He has bought D.J. a red 1977 Firebird for her 16th birthday, but the car is not in good condition. It looks perfect, but definitely needs work. So Jesse and Joey work on fixing the problems with it. After some time, while under the hood, Jesse asks Joey to start the car, but when he does, it squirts motor oil in Jesse's face.
Meanwhile, Danny keeps D.J., Kimmy, and Steve from knowing that the car is not yet ready to drive, and pre-occupies them with his "Beep-beep" guitar song (see Quotes), but it bores them to death. So he brings in Michelle, Nicky, Alex, and Becky to do "Pop! Goes the Weasel", but that bores the teens too.
But just as D.J. is about to drive the new car for the first time, a police officer, Officer Warren, shows up after getting a look at the car from the street and tells the family that it was reported stolen. They take desperate measures to convince her that Joey was not at fault, but their methods of clearing his name do not sit well with him; all except Michelle showing off his Ninja Turtle slippers. It turns out that Joey bought the car without knowing that it was stolen property, and Officer Warren has to have the car towed away. D.J.'s fine with that, as is the rest of the family; per D.J.'s words, as long as they are "not impounding Joey", which means that he would not be arrested.
Joey feels terrible that D.J. lost the birthday gift and begins to wonder if he is just a big joke to the family, saying they were laughing with him and now they're laughing at him, causing him to grab his jacket and walk out of his room and downstairs, the family to be shocked, and the audience to groan.
A hurt and devastated Joey makes plans to move out, but the family talks to him and convinces him to stay, even going so far as to block his exit, as Danny and Jesse carry him away from the front door and set him down on the couch, which he finds ridiculous. But the rest of the family finds his reasons for leaving even more ridiculous. While they tell him that he's taking the towing of D.J.'s car the wrong way, he tells them that he loves being part of a big family because he was raised as an only child, and he and his parents moved a lot because his father was in the military, causing him to lose a lot of friends during his childhood. He says, "I'm good for a few laughs. Big deal." But Danny tells him that the big deal really is that he's good for more than just a few laughs, and that there's a new generation of kids who want to see him for who he really is, and Jesse concurs, wanting him to be there for the twins, too.
When the family convinces Joey to stay, the girls bring back memories of events from past episodes:
- "Joey's Place" (1.10): Joey entertains D.J. in the garage with his "water fountain" routine
- "It's Not My Job" (2.03): Joey helps Stephanie overcome her fear of the dentist
- "Easy Rider" (5.13): Joey teaches Michelle how to ride a bicycle
Joey mentions he used to watch The Brady Bunch (as the inspirational music plays), which inspired the creative end credits (see below). He says he wished he could have been in that family, but he is glad to have his own family. Michelle asks if he is going to stay, and he says that he is indeed going to stay (to which the audience "aws" then applauds, just as the music stops). Then, the whole family tackles and hugs and kisses him (as the audience applauds, and the EP credits appear).
Special ending credits
During the episode, Joey reveals that The Brady Bunch was one of his favorite TV shows growing up. So to reflect that, the closing credits are done Brady Bunch style. In order, from top left: D.J., Michelle, Stephanie, Jesse and Alex, Danny, Becky and Nicky, Kimmy, Joey, and Steve. As the credits roll, they are shown waving to each other, and as soon as the credit roll is complete, they are shown waving goodbye to us.
[Joey shows off D.J.'s car to Jesse and Danny.]
Joey: Everything is perfect... except for this little speck on the windshield – which we'll take care of right now. [He turns on the wipers with the fluid, but what comes out is sludge (see infobox photo).] Well, that's better. The important thing is that this car runs great [then smoke comes out of the hood].
[While everyone is in awe of D.J.'s birthday present, her sisters are the most awe-struck.]
Michelle: Wow! This is even cooler than what Joey got me for my birthday.
Stephanie: Michelle, you got a Slinky.
Michelle: I said it was cooler.
Danny: Joey, when I agreed to let you buy D.J. a car, I told you I wanted to pick it out with you. I looked through all the consumer guides, I even called Ralph Nader.
Danny: [singing repeatedly – while playing his guitar] 'Beep-beep, beep-beep, the horn went beep-beep-beep.'
[Second time: Now just the boys!]
[Third time: Now just the girls!]
[Fourth time: Now everybody! A little louder this time.]
[Jesse is working under the car and asks Joey to hand him a tool.]
Joey: One socket wrench coming right up! [actually, right down, as he drops it on Jesse's head!]
Jesse: Ow! Next tool you drop on my head will be permanently inserted up your nose.
[As Danny continues another round of the Beep-beep song...]
Kimmy: Somebody shoot me.
Steve: Look, Mr. Tanner, we're pretty 'beeped-out'.
The episode title may be a take on the video game series Grand Theft Auto, which is named after the criminal act of stealing a car.
This episode is not shown on Nick at Nite.