|Season 7, episode 7|
|Air date||October 26, 1993|
|Previous||Smash Club: The Next Generation|
|Next||Another Opening, Another No Show|
Michelle comes downstairs to the kitchen with some exciting news for Danny. She smiles and lets him guess. Despite his guesses, it is not that she combed her hair differently, nor did she take off a few pounds. In fact, using her tongue, she tells him that she has lost two teeth, which she shows him in her hand. He says that they are two fewer teeth that she needs to brush, and she suggests he had "better call the tooth fairy and tell her to bring twice as much money", to which he can only hug and kiss her.
Michelle is doing her homework when she sees D.J. and Stephanie return from a trip to the mall. With Stephanie revealing what she got and D.J. not revealing what she got, Michelle longs to emulate them and go shopping for her own clothes, but that is hard to do when they and Danny still treat her like a little kid. And the answers to their (seemingly) personal questions make them determine she is still a "little kid" (see Quotes).
Then, Danny comes in with a little green hat with a pink flower attached to it, places it on Michelle's head, and even says his own quote (see below).
The next day, as everyone comes downstairs for a quick bacon-y breakfast served up by Joey, Jesse is overwhelmed by the fact that he has so many decisions to make about needs for The Smash Club. This gets to the point where he is struggling to make even the most minuscule decisions about the club.
Everyone, including Steve and Kimmy, agrees that colors need to show emotion. D.J. points out that Steve is learning about decision-making in his philosophy class in college, but he points out that he saw it tattooed on the car wash guy's back. He adds that a coffee shop named Café Black closed down in a week because of the colors, which D.J. says was depressing indeed. Kimmy says that the wrong color combinations can make people physically ill, and she and Stephanie fight over whose combos really hurt (see Quotes). In any event, Jesse starts his color selections with teal, and Joey jokes that that was the color of "Custer's last shirt" (see Trivia), leading Jesse to ask what color the Titanic was.
As the girls head off to school, Danny then gives a valid reason as to why Michelle can't buy her own lunch at school like her sisters, and it's because he's afraid she'll lose her lunch money, and at her age, the odds of that happening are pretty high. He even jokingly points out about the grape jelly smile he puts on her peanut butter sandwich. He then puts the hat on her head, and then on her way to school, she sees Comet and puts the hat on his head, and soon it's her turn to say Danny's quote. She heads off, while also leaving behind her lunch box.
Back inside, Jesse is going through color sample books to see more combos that will fit, as Nicky and Alex watch. As they wait impatiently for him to put those down and read them a story, he reminds them that they are indeed sample books and not story books. And so he makes up a fairy tale (see Quotes). The phone rings, and with the "story" over, the call is from a bathroom fixtures company. He asks them to send over some samples and he will look and think them over and "go with the flow" (a plumbing pun). Becky comes into the living room, and asks what is troubling him. He is worried that his head will explode, but Becky says that he is going to just get a "slow leak". Suddenly, Alex starts jumping up and down, so she asks her hubby to take a break and take Alex to the bathroom.
As Michelle grows more and more frustrated with Danny's overbearing nature, it gets to a point where she finally snaps, and angrily tells him to stop treating her like a baby. It is clear that both father and daughter have some changes to make. Danny realizes that he needs to let go and start letting the girls grow up as they get older, so he talks to Michelle and admits that he has a hard time letting go. So, he promises to start treating her like a big girl.
Over in the kitchen, Vicky talks to Danny about the situation, and maybe she thinks Danny does indeed feel the need to let go. As Stephanie and Michelle come home from school, the proof of Danny needing to let go lies in Michelle coming home from school and angrily handing her "father" her lunch box before heading upstairs. Stephanie also agrees (see Quotes).
Then Jesse comes in, and even after removing his shades, he himself is a total mess, emotionally (not physically). He then shows off some more possibilities, starting with cups (see Quotes).
D.J. then says that some more samples came in, and Danny says that he has to stop, because the house is starting to look like a showroom; as a result, the living room is soon crowded with some unconventional new "furniture"; which are, in fact, toilets of every design and color possible (see Quotes). When Joey comes in, he can't believe what he sees, and he feels the same way as his friend. Becky comes in and asks him one simple question: What was the easiest decision that he has ever made in his life? To marry him, of course. This elicits an "aw" from Joey (and the studio audience). Becky then asks him to try to pick the toilet that fits that decision of his, and he picks the "Flush-Master 2000" from Spiegel ("Chicago, 60609"). Alex then comes out and announces that he is ready to use the potty all by himself, and that impresses his parents.
That night, as he puts her in bed, Danny understands why Michelle was so upset. He's her last "big girl", not a baby. He intends to treat her like a big girl by letting her shop for her own clothes, take lunch money to school (if she doesn't blow it all on pudding), and even get a tattoo (only if it washes off in the tub; in other words, the temporary stick-on ones, and not the needle ones from the shops). He also says that he is going to remember and respect her if it embarrasses her if he kisses her. They tell each other good night, and as he leaves, she waves to him, and he waves right back as he turns off the light and closes the door on the way out.
The next day at school, as Michelle, Derek, and Denise play Frisbee at recess, Derek manages to toss it so high it lands on a backstop. Denise volunteers to get it down for him, and later, so does Michelle. In both cases, Danny is able to coax each of them down. However, in Michelle's case, as soon as she is up there and she manages to get the Frisbee down, she gets scared (known as acrophobia or the fear of heights – see also trivia section #4). So, like the same way with Denise, he does treat her like a big girl and reminds her to come down the exact way she went up – but going really slowly (see Quotes). As soon as she is back on her feet, this elicits applause from her classmates, who watch as father and daughter share one last "big girl" moment, and he reminds her that being a "big girl" means knowing what is dangerous and what is not. They decide to help each other and end the moment with a kiss and hug. He says that she did not have to kiss him, but it was her decision, and he "can live with that", after which the classmates depart for real. With a happy ending, they decide to go ahead and go home.
[Michelle is doing her homework when her sisters return from a mall trip.]
Stephanie: [as she empties her bag] Well, I got a T-shirt, and a belt, and a cat toy.
Michelle: But we don't have a cat.
Stephanie: I know. But the sales guy at Stuff for Cats was so cute. I wonder how this thing works. [She tries it out, with D.J. acting as a cat, clawing, err...slapping it away from her.] Oh, I get it!
Michelle: I wish I could go shopping.
D.J.: Michelle, you went shopping last Sunday with Dad.
Michelle: That's not 'shopping'. That's Dad telling you what to try on.
D.J.: Well, that's how it worked. Dad picked out all our clothes when we were little kids. Remember how he'd hold up the outfit and say...[with Stephanie] 'Isn't that the cutest thing you've ever seen?'
Michelle: But I'm not a little kid anymore.
D.J.: Do you wear makeup?
Stephanie: Do you like boys?
D.J.: Do you still talk to your stuffed animals?
Michelle: If I'm not mad at them.
[Her sisters look at each other, and they have one thing to say about her, and that is...]
D.J. & Stephanie: Little kid.
[In the morning, Jesse comes downstairs holding a palette of paint color samples.]
Jesse: I can't believe these paint samples! Look at this: blueberries 'n cream, iced apricot, mocha frost... I don't know whether to put on two coats or two scoops.
Stephanie: What are you painting, Uncle Jesse?
Jesse: The Smash Club. I'm doing a whole new renovation. It's so cool. It's my club; I can decide the look, I can decide the feel, I can decide the mood.
D.J.: So, what are you gonna do?
Jesse: I don't know. I can't decide.
Steve: Well, the decision to decide is a decision in itself.
Jesse: That's heavy, Steve.
Kimmy: [to Jesse] It's true, hairboy. The wrong color combinations can make people physically ill. [to Stephanie] In fact, blondie, your outfit's making my eyes water.
Stephanie: Me? Your ghetto should come with an airsick bag.
[All the older kids leave for school...]
Danny: OK, Michelle, sweetheart, here's your lunch.
Michelle: Why can't I buy my lunch like Stephanie and D.J.?
Danny: Sweetheart, I don't wanna worry about you losing your lunch money. Besides, who else makes a happy face out of grape jelly on your peanut butter sandwich, huh? Of course, once I close it, you can't see it anymore. But we both know it's there. Right, honey?
[A car horn honks.]
Michelle: That's my ride.
Danny Oh, OK. [putting her green hat, with a fabric flower in front, on her head] Here you go. You have a good day, OK sweetheart? [She just glares back at him.] Isn't that the cutest thing you've ever seen?
Michelle: Bye, Daddy. [She heads out the door and sees Comet.] Bye, Comet. Hey, Comet. [She puts her lunch box on the lawn and then puts the green hat on Comet's head.] 'Isn't that the cutest thing you've ever seen?' [He whimpers about the hat on his head, and gives the same look that she did with her dad.]
Jesse: [to Nicky and Alex]: Once upon a time, there lived a handsome well-clothed nightclub owner, and he couldn't make a decision. He couldn't decide if he wanted this color, or this color, or this color, or this color, and it was driving him crazy. [The phone rings.] And then the phone rang. The end.
[Stephanie and Michelle come home from school, and greet Vicky and Danny.]
Vicky: Hi, Stephanie. Hi, Michelle.
Stephanie: Hey, Vicky. Hi, dad.
Danny: Hey, Steph.
Michelle: Hi, Vicky.
Danny: Hi, honey.
Michelle: [angrily handing Danny her lunch box] "Father." [She then heads upstairs.]
Danny: Did you see that? She's so angry at me. She says I treat her like a baby.
Stephanie: Well dad, sometimes you can be a little overprotective.
Stephanie: Yeah. Last week, I was at the mall talking to Lucas Kiliun, the cutest boy in my class. Dad notices my shoes are untied, so he gets down on the floor to tie them.
Danny: I was afraid you would trip.
Stephanie: I did... over you.
[Jesse comes home and takes off his shades. He asks for input on some cup choices.]
Jesse: I'm finally close to making a decision, OK? Now, you guys tell me which cup you like for the Smash Club. This one [a big blue cup] says, 'Here's a club that gives me a lot of value for my money', and this one [a teeny-weeny white cup] says, 'Boy, this place must be hip, 'cause I'm getting ripped off.'
[If that's not bad enough, he gets a huge surprise in the living room.]
Jesse: I'm ready to sit down and make a decision.
D.J.: Good. Then I've got just the place for you to do it. [And cue the huge surprise: Toilets of every design and color available.] You know, it's an interesting look; but personally, I would've gone with chairs.
Jesse: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What is this?! I wanted a catalog or something.
D.J.: Well, good luck, Uncle Jesse. And, uh, don't forget to put the seat down.
[Michelle is facing her fears as she does her best to get down from the backstop after tossing down the frisbee.]
Michelle: Daddy, I can't get down! Come and get me!
Danny: Honey, you can do this on your own. Just come down the same way you went up.
Michelle: I can't! I'm sorry! I'll wear the hat, I won't buy lunch, I won't get a tattoo, just get me down!
Danny: Honey, did you hear what I said? You're a big girl now. You can do this on your own.
Michelle: Are you sure?
Danny: I'm positive. A really great man once said, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."
Derek: I believe falling is also a consideration.
Danny: Michelle, honey, I know you can do this. I'm right behind you. I'm not gonna let you fall. Just come down slowly.
Michelle: [still scared] OK. [She slowly starts her descent, as Danny guides her verbally.]
Danny: Good. That's it. It's just like a step-ladder. Now, there's a metal step. [She steps on it.] That's right, easy now. Just step..that's good. It's like a ladder. [He then guides her physically, despite promising otherwise.] Michelle, you're doing this all by yourself. I'm not helping you [again, despite otherwise]. You're almost there, just two more steps. [And those 'two more steps' put her back on the ground, as he tells her...] You did it! [This brings cheers to her classmates, who come up and hug and high-five her.]
Derek: Well... that was exhilarating!
Danny: OK. Show's over! There's nothing more to see here. [Her classmates depart.]
- Stephanie's hair is different from this episode onward
- Joey's quip, "Custer's last shirt" is a take on "Custer's Last Stand", the informal name of the Battle of the Little Bighorn
- Derek and Danny saying, "a great man who said that 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself'" is a reference to Franklin D. Roosevelt, the 32nd U.S. President (1933–1945), and the famous line from his inaugural address
- "High anxiety" is an actual term (although non-technical) referring to a state of extreme fear (It's also the title of a 1977 Mel Brooks film)
- The opening teaser to this episode is similar to the subplot of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do (in 22 Minutes)" (season 3), where Stephanie loses just one tooth and actually does find tooth fairy money under her pillow; $20, to be exact (when it should've been just $1, as Danny put the wrong bill there)
- The main plot of the episode is similar to "Granny Tanny" (also season 3); however, Michelle's fears there involve getting used to her new bed after climbing out of her crib by herself in the first few minutes