|Honey, I Broke the House|
|Season 3, episode 20|
|Air date||March 9, 1990|
|Previous||Those Better Not Be the Days|
|Next||Just Say No Way|
Joey and Michelle are playing T-ball (or tee-ball, depending on use). She whacks the ball, and then, thinking she's headed for first base, ends up at third instead. Then realizing what's wrong, she runs towards first, steals second, then third, and goes home (literally). She remarks, "This game is way too easy".
Jesse wants to have a romantic night with Becky, but she tells him that she can't because she is scheduled for a business dinner with Beau McIntyre, a former football player who is scheduled to be a guest on Wake Up, San Francisco, and that makes Jesse jealous.
Joey is preoccupied with his new car "Rosie", a 1963 rambler. When he sees a nick in Rosie's paint, he leaves with Comet to go to Sid & Jean's Auto Supplies to buy a bottle of touch-up paint. While Joey is gone, Stephanie gets inside the car so she will have something to do.
As she is sitting in the driver's seat, she decides to turn the radio on; it does not come on, so she turns the key, hoping that she is turning it toward the auxiliary option that allows you to turn on the radio while the car is not running. Instead, she ends up starting the car. Not knowing what the letters and numbers on the gear lever mean (park, reverse, etc.), and forgetting about the radio dials she was turning earlier, she thinks that the letter "R" means radio, so she puts it on R, only to learn the hard way that R means reverse, as Rosie backs up and crashes into the kitchen (eliciting an "OH!" from the audience when the dust settles from all the damage); so much so, it takes out the window, curtains, and rod, and even topples the table and chairs. She is so terrified and feels so bad about it that she has her ride to dance class drop her off at Becky's house on the way home, and Stephanie tells Becky that she can never go back home. When Michelle sees this, she alerts D.J. and Kimmy, who are studying upstairs in D.J. and Stephanie's room, about the obvious (see Quotes). The two classmates head downstairs and can only stare in shock (see Quotes). The guys come home and see this, and when Joey sees what has happened, he too is in shock (see Quotes). Even worse, when he comes home late with Comet from the shopping trip, both Michelle and Danny each take a turn with her second-famous catchphrase (see Quotes).
Jesse shows up at Becky's house to apologize for being jealous, where he finds Stephanie and tells her running away won't solve anything and needs to buck up courage and face the music. Back at home, Danny, after finding out Stephanie did it, sends her to her room. D.J. escorts her roommate upstairs and tries to calm her down by saying everyone makes mistakes, but Stephanie can't help but cry.
After Danny enters the room and excuses D.J., she exits and he begins to scold Stephanie for the car accident and for running away. She literally hides under the blankets of her bed, to no avail (see Quotes). He (as the inspirational music plays) then begins to feel bad for her and how she thinks he will stop loving her, but proves her wrong. Although he was upset over the mess as much as she was, he forgives her and promises he will still love her no matter what.
He also reminds her that there's always the chance of rebuilding a new wall, and even buying a new car, but there is only one "Stephanie Judith Tanner" that can never ever be replaced. After their talk, they hug each other (as the somber music plays out and the EP credits appear).
[In D.J. and Stephanie's room, while D.J. and Kimmy do their homework and listen to music with headphones, Stephanie enters.]
Stephanie: Great news, people! [They can't hear her, so she lifts their headphones.] In case anyone wants to play with me, I've got 20 minutes before dance class.
D.J.: Can't you see that I'm doing our [hers & Kimmy's] homework?
Kimmy: You know, there's a country where they use little annoying kids for lunch meat.
Stephanie: Then you better not go there 'cause you're full of bologna [baloney (meaning nonsense)].
D.J.: Steph, why don't you go down to the living room and run around the couch about a thousand times?
Stephanie: I'm getting the feeling that I'm not wanted here.
D.J.: Make that two thousand times.
Stephanie: Now I'm sure of it. [She leaves the room.]
[Stephanie has just started the car and is reading the letters and numbers on the dashboard.]
Stephanie: P, R, N, D...R. Must mean 'radio'. [She shifts the gear towards the "R", only to learn that it means 'reverse', and that's what happens.] Whoa, Rosie, whoa! [And she can only scream as 'Rosie' backs into the kitchen and takes out the window, curtains and rod, and even topples the table and chairs.]
[Michelle enters the kitchen and sees the obvious, her mouth dropping wide open.]
Stephanie: Hello, Michelle.
Michelle: There's a car in the kitchen!
Stephanie: There is? [cut to the damage] Oh, there is. [trying to play innocent] Did you see how it got here?
Stephanie: Good. I'm in the clear... until Joey gets home and tells Dad how he left me alone with the car. Then I'm dead meat.
Michelle: You got it, dude.
[cut to a wide shot of the damage]
[Stephanie prepares for dance class (even packing her suitcase and Mr. Bear), as Michelle comes in to tell the two classmates the news.]
Michelle: Hey! [But they can't hear her while listening to their music, so she unplugs their headphones.]
Michelle: I said "Hey!".
Kimmy: What do you want, squirt?
Michelle: [wagging her finger] Don't call me 'squirt'!
D.J.: May we help you, madam?
Michelle: There's a car in the kitchen!
[Cut to Stephanie's stare at the repeated quote.]
D.J.: [sarcastically] Yeah, and there's a bus in the bathroom.
Stephanie: [happily] Good one, Deej! Heh, heh, heh.
D.J.: [noticing her sister packing] Steph, why are you packing a bag?
Stephanie: Well, uh, we're having a dress rehearsal at dance class, and I needed something to rehearse dressing in. [horn beeps] Uh oh! Gotta go. That's my ride.
[Kimmy and D.J. enter the kitchen and see the damage.]
D.J. & Kimmy: WHOA BABY!
D.J.: There's a car in the kitchen!
Michelle: I told you so.
D.J.: Michelle, do you know how Joey's car got in here?
Michelle: Yes I do.
Michelle: Through the window.
[Then Jesse comes home from a grocery shopping trip, oblivious to what he sees.]
Jesse: Girls, I'm home. [He drops the bags.] Have mercy! There's a... there's a...
Michelle: There's a car in the kitchen.
Jesse: Thank you. How'd the car get in the kitchen?
D.J. & Kimmy: Through the window.
Jesse: Everybody OK?
D.J.: Yeah, we're fine.
Danny: [from outside] Hello-o?
D.J.: [hearing his voice] But I don't think Dad is gonna be fine.
Danny: Look at this house! Look at this kitchen! Look at this mess! I just waxed the floor!
Stephanie: [to Becky] I’m going to start a new life as a Mexican hat dancer.
Stephanie: I dro--- I dro--- I dro---
Rebecca: You dropped something? Did something break? What did you break?
Stephanie: You name it, I broke it.
Rebecca: [after hearing that Stephanie backed Joey’s car into the kitchen] No wonder you're moving to Mexico.
Danny: Joey, are you all right? You had us worried sick!
Joey: Danny, I'm fine.
Danny: In that case, you're in big trouble, mister!
[Danny leads Joey into the kitchen, just as D.J. takes a picture.]
Joey: Danny, look, I'll go to the store and buy some more ice. Everything will be fine. Don't worry about it. [But the next thing will worry everyone.] MY CAR! Rosie! This is my punishment for not filling the ice cube tray?
Danny: Are you saying you didn't know about this?
Joey: If I did, don't you think I would've bought a bigger jar of touch-up paint [showing off the small jar he bought]? Danny, when I left, Stephanie was watching my car. What the heck happened?
Jesse: [bringing in Stephanie] Well, here's someone who knows what the heck happened.
Joey: I should've never left those keys in the ignition.
Stephanie: It's not your fault, Joey. I had no business being in your new car. It was perfect.
Joey: Well, almost. The radio didn't work.
Stephanie: Now he tells me. Go ahead, Dad. Yell. Scream. Punish me. Or, if you want, I'll just move to Mexico.
Danny: Right now, I just want you to wait upstairs in your room until I can figure out what to do with you.
Jesse: [walks over and escorts Stephanie] Here, Deej. Take your sister upstairs, and make sure she doesn't skip the country. [And D.J. does just that.]
Michelle: [while Joey leans on his crashed car, sobbing] Don't cry. Be a big boy.
[Stephanie tries to hide under her blankets, but the nightmare is still reality for her.]
Danny: Steph. Come out from under there.
Stephanie: I don't deserve fresh air!
Danny: How long do you intend to stay under that blanket?
Stephanie: Until I get married!
Danny: You know, it could be very difficult to meet somebody under there.