|Honey, I Broke the House|
|Season 3, episode 20|
|Air date||March 9, 1990|
|Previous||Those Better Not Be the Days|
|Next||Just Say No Way|
Joey and Michelle are playing T-ball (or tee-ball, depending on use). She whacks the ball, and then, thinking she's headed for first base, ends up at third instead. Then realizing what's wrong, she runs towards first, steals second, then third, and goes home (literally). She remarks, "This game is way too easy."
Jesse wants to have a romantic night with Becky, but she tells him that she can't because she is scheduled for a business dinner with Beau McIntyre, a former football player who is scheduled to be a guest on Wake Up, San Francisco, and that makes Jesse jealous.
Joey is preoccupied with his new car "Rosie", a 1963 rambler. When he sees a nick in Rosie's paint, he leaves with Comet to go to Sid & Jean's Auto Supplies to buy a bottle of touch-up paint. While Joey is gone, Stephanie gets into the car so she will have something to do.
As she is sitting in the driver's seat, she decides to turn the radio on, but it does not come on, so she turns the key, hoping that she is turning it toward the auxiliary option that allows you to turn on the radio while the car is not running. Instead, she ends up starting the car. Not knowing what the letters and numbers on the gear lever mean (park, reverse, etc.), and forgetting about the radio dials she was turning a minute earlier, she thinks that the letter "R" means radio, so she puts it on R, only to learn the hard way that R means reverse, as Rosie backs up and crashes into the kitchen (eliciting an "OH!" from the audience when the dust settles from all the damage); so much so, it takes out the window, curtains, and rod, and even topples the table and chairs. She is so terrified and feels so bad about it that she has her ride to dance class drop her off at Becky's house on the way home, and Stephanie tells Becky that she can never go back home. When Michelle sees this, she alerts D.J. and Kimmy, who are studying upstairs in D.J. and Stephanie's room, about the obvious (see Quotes). The two classmates head downstairs and can only stare in shock (see Quotes). The guys come home and see this, and when Joey sees what has happened, he too is in shock (see Quotes). Even worse, when he comes home late with Comet from the shopping trip, both Michelle and Danny each take a turn with her second-famous catchphrase (see Quotes).
Jesse shows up at Becky's house to apologize for being jealous, where he finds Stephanie and tells her running away won't solve anything and needs to buck up courage and face the music. Back at home, Danny, after finding out Stephanie did it, sends her to her room. D.J. escorts her roommate upstairs and tries to calm her down by saying everyone makes mistakes, but Stephanie can't help but cry.
After Danny enters the room and D.J. exits, he begins to scold Stephanie for the car accident (see Quotes). As Stephanie continues to cry (and somber inspirational music plays), Danny begins to feel bad for her because she thinks that he stopped loving her. But he explains that although he was very upset over the destruction she caused, he promises that no matter what she does, he will always forgive her and love her. He also tells her that things, like a wall and car, can be replaced, but there is only one "Stephanie Judith Tanner", and she can never be replaced. Their emotional talk ends with her giving her dad a big hug (EP credits appear).
[In D.J. and Stephanie's room, while D.J. and Kimmy do their homework and listen to music with headphones, Stephanie enters.]
Stephanie: Great news, people! [They can't hear her, so she lifts their headphones.] In case anyone wants to play with me, I've got 20 minutes before dance class.
D.J.: Can't you see that I'm doing our [hers and Kimmy's] homework?
Kimmy: You know, there's a country where they use little annoying kids for lunch meat.
Stephanie: Then you better not go there 'cause you're full of bologna [baloney (meaning nonsense)].
D.J.: Steph, why don't you go down to the living room and run around the couch about a thousand times?
Stephanie: I'm getting the feeling that I'm not wanted here.
D.J.: Make that two thousand times.
Stephanie: Now I'm sure of it. [She leaves the room.]
[Stephanie has just started the car.]
Stephanie: Whoa! Stay! Stay! Good car. [reading the letters and numbers on the dashboard] P, R, N, D... R. Must mean 'radio'. [She shifts the gear towards the "R", only to learn that it means 'reverse', and that's what happens.] Whoa, Rosie, whoa! [She screams as 'Rosie' backs into the kitchen, taking out the window and toppling the table and chairs.]
[Michelle enters the kitchen and sees the obvious, her mouth dropping wide open.]
Stephanie: Hello, Michelle.
Michelle: There's a car in the kitchen!
Stephanie: There is? [cut to the damage] Oh, there is [trying to play innocent]. Did you see how it got here?
Stephanie: Good. I'm in the clear... until Joey gets home and tells Dad how he left me alone with the car. Then I'm dead meat.
Michelle: You got it, dude.
[cut to a wide shot of the damage]
[Stephanie prepares for dance class (even packing her suitcase and Mr. Bear), as Michelle comes in to tell the two classmates the news.]
Michelle: Hey! [But they can't hear her while listening to their music, so she unplugs their headphones.] I said "Hey!".
Kimmy: What do you want, squirt?
Michelle: [wagging her finger] Don't call me 'squirt'!
D.J.: May we help you, madam?
Michelle: There's a car in the kitchen!
[Cut to Stephanie's worried look.]
D.J.: [sarcastically] Yeah, and there's a bus in the bathroom.
Stephanie: [relieved] Good one, Deej! [She laughs.]
D.J.: Steph, why are you packing a bag?
Stephanie: Well, uh, we're having a dress rehearsal at dance class, and I needed something to rehearse dressing in. [car horn sound] Uh-oh! Gotta go. That's my ride.
[Kimmy and D.J. enter the kitchen and see the damage.]
D.J. & Kimmy: Whoa, Baby!
D.J.: There's a car in the kitchen!
Michelle: [wagging her finger] I told you so.
D.J.: Michelle, do you know how Joey's car got in here?
Michelle: Yes I do.
Michelle: Through the window.
[Then Jesse comes home from a grocery shopping trip, oblivious to what he sees.]
Jesse: Girls, I'm home. [He drops the bags.] Have mercy! There's a... there's...
Michelle: There's a car in the kitchen.
Jesse: Thank you. How'd the car get in the kitchen?
D.J. & Kimmy: Through the window.
Jesse: Everybody OK?
D.J.: Yeah, we're fine.
Danny: [from outside] Hello-o?
D.J.: [hearing his voice] But I don't think Dad is gonna be fine.
Danny: Look at this house! Look at this kitchen! Look at this mess! I just waxed the floor!
Stephanie: [to Becky] I’m going to start a new life as a Mexican hat dancer.
Stephanie: I dro--- I dro--- I dro---
Rebecca: You dropped something? Did something break? [Stephanie nods.] What did you break?
Stephanie: You name it, I broke it.
Rebecca: [after hearing that Stephanie backed Joey’s car into the kitchen] No wonder you're moving to Mexico.
D.J.: Hey, Dad, it's almost dinner. Do you want me to set the car?
Danny: Sure, honey, but use the good hubcaps.
[Joey comes home.]
Michelle: [wagging her finger] You're in big trouble, mister!
Danny: Joey, are you all right? You had us worried sick!
Joey: Danny, I'm fine.
Danny: In that case... [pointing to Joey] you're in big trouble, mister!
[Danny nudges Joey into the kitchen.]
Joey: Danny, look, I'll go to the store and buy some more ice. Everything will be fine. Don't worry about it. [Then he sees it.] My car! Rosie! This is my punishment for not filling the ice cube tray?!
Danny: Are you saying you didn't know about this?
Joey: If I did, don't you think I would've bought a bigger jar of touch-up paint [showing off the small jar he bought]? Danny, when I left, Stephanie was watching my car. What the heck happened?!
Jesse: [bringing in Stephanie] Well, here's someone who knows what the heck happened.
Joey: I should've never left those keys in the ignition.
Stephanie: It's not your fault, Joey; I had no business being in your new car! It was perfect!
Joey: Well, almost. The radio didn't work.
Stephanie: Now he tells me. Go ahead, Dad, yell, scream, punish me! Or, if you want, I'll just move to Mexico.
Danny: Right now, I just want you to wait upstairs in your room until I can figure out what to do with you.
Jesse: [walks over and escorts Stephanie] Here, Deej. Take your sister upstairs, and make sure she doesn't skip the country.
Michelle: My turn to drive the car.
Joey: You know the rules, Michelle. Nobody gets to drive until they're 8 years old. ...Rosie! [He puts his head on the car and sobs.]
Michelle: Don't cry. Be a big boy.
[In their room...]
D.J.: Come on, Steph. You just made a mistake. But everything's gonna be alright.
Danny: [sighs as he enters] D.J., I'd like to talk to Stephanie alone, please.
D.J.: Sure, Dad. Hang in there, Steph. Go easy on her, Dad. She's just a kid. [And she leaves.]
Danny: Stephanie, I am very disappointed in you. How could you do this?! You could've been hurt! You could've hurt someone else! What you did today is the stupidest thing you've ever done.
Stephanie: I know! That's why I ran away.
Danny: And you know better than that, too, don't you?
Stephanie: I know! Everything I do is wrong! I hate myself! [She pulls her bedspread over her head.]
Danny: Steph... come out from under there.
Stephanie: I don't deserve fresh air!
Danny: How long do you intend to stay under that blanket?
Stephanie: Until I get married!
Danny: You know, it could be very difficult to meet somebody under there.
Stephanie: Then, I'll just stay in my room the rest of my life.
Danny: Well, I don't know about that. But I do know that I'm gonna have to punish you – big time.
Stephanie: And I should never get any allowance or presents ever again. And you should send me away to carpenter school so I can build you a brand-new house that you can live in, without me. And you'd never have to hug or kiss me again.
- The episode title is a take on the 1989 movie Honey, I Shrunk the Kids
- The second episode to feature Stephanie's full name only (the other being "Cutting It Close" [2.1])
- Michelle's recurring phrase, "You're in big trouble, mister!" is not only said by her but Danny borrows it as well
- In the Nick-at-Nite (2014) version, D.J.'s little talk with Stephanie (before Danny talks to her) was edited out – because of added advertising