|It Was a Dark and Stormy Night|
|Season 7, episode 1|
|Air date||September 14, 1993|
|Writer(s)||Marc Warren & Dennis Rinsler|
|Previous||The House Meets the Mouse (Part 2)|
On the last night of camp, Steve Hale tells a scary story about a "Mud Man" named "Cropsy Maniac" to all the kids, which makes them fall asleep. While it is assumed that the camp is co-ed, only the girls' cabin is seen (see Quotes).
Meanwhile, back at the house, Nicky and Alex are refusing to sleep in their own beds. They have been spending every night in Jesse and Becky's bed. Irritated, the couple buys new race car beds for the twins. The dilemma ends with Jesse and Becky trying to help the boys get to bed by resting with them. Tired, Jesse and Becky fall asleep, and Nicky and Alex ditch their sleeping parents for the nice "big bed."
Suddenly, the door opens, and Michelle, Stephanie, D.J., Steve, and Kimmy have returned home from a summer at Camp Lakota, and that has the rest of the family coming out ready to hug and kiss. Michelle tells Jesse that she no longer wants him to call her "Munchkin", which he has affectionately called her for years because everyone at camp gave her the nickname "Trail Mix", and she liked it. In addition, her gifts to the twins are lion masks that she made for arts and crafts, knowing that the lion is their favorite animal. Then Becky decides the boys need a nap in their new race car beds, and again, they insist on the "big bed". Stephanie confirms that the camp is indeed co-ed, as she is anxious to write letters to all the boys whose names appear on the bracelets they gave her. D.J., however, is anxious to call Steve, as she notes that this is the longest that they have been away all summer. Danny feels hurt when his daughters act like they did not miss the family one bit while they were at camp. However, they assure him that they will have time to bond after they unpack, and as they head upstairs to do just that, they sing the Camp Lakota song. Once the singing stops, Danny and Joey remark about their short camp-mate experiences at Camp Metalarc (see Quotes).
Upstairs in Stephanie and Michelle's room, as they unpack and unload their bags, laundry and all, D.J. enters her former room and tells her former roommate that she lent her a pair of plastic slippers prior to their departure for camp, asking if she remembers them and where they are. Stephanie says that she does remember, but they ended up at the bottom of the lake (see Quotes), and it quickly turns into an argument that upsets Stephanie's current roommate, who tells them to stop arguing because they are scaring Gilbert, a rabbit she brought home from camp (see Quotes).
Danny enters the room, collects the laundry, and sees Gilbert. Stephanie explains that Gilbert had a broken leg when they found him at camp. They nursed him back to health, and Michelle was supposed to have released him back into the forest that Camp Lakota is in. Danny explains that she needs to take Gilbert back (see Quotes). Steve arrives, has a brief chat with Danny and the girls, and then takes the girls back to Camp Lakota to release Gilbert, but there is a heavy thunderstorm in the area, and they are forced into the cabin that they occupied while camp was in session. More bad news comes when Gilbert is not in the box that they brought with them, depressing Michelle. Even worse, Steve's car is also stuck in the mud, and then there is a power outage. The thunder roar and Cropsy's existence causes Michelle to freak out, thinking her fantasy then is about to become a reality now, but her sisters still convince her otherwise.
Back at the house, despite their parents' pleas, Nicky and Alex still dislike their new race car beds, so to alleviate the pain, Becky and Jesse help them get through the night (See Quotes).
Back at Camp Lakota, while the younger girls wait for their older sister and her boyfriend to return from getting his car out of the mud, Michelle again worries who they'll encounter. Stephanie again convinces her otherwise (see Quotes).
Later, Danny and Joey show up, all muddy, causing Steve to try to beat up Joey and mistake him for the "Mud Man"/"Cropsy Maniac". Danny and Joey have brought Gilbert with them, and Michelle hugs him. It turns out that Gilbert was still back at the house, and then it all becomes clear as to the main reason why the girls wanted to take a trip back to Camp Lakota – it is a place they love. When they saw how empty it now is, they felt let down. Danny even compares it to going to the movies (see Quotes). As the power is turned back on and the rain lets up, Michelle gives one final hug to Gilbert before he is released back into the forest, saying that it is time for him to go home. In fact, it is time for all of them to go home. And Danny was right on point: The cabin they were in when they went back is empty, the magic is gone, and now, so are they. They sadly take one last look at the place, turn the lights off, and close the door.
That night at home, while everyone is enjoying s'mores from the fireplace, the girls admit that they did miss everyone a lot. This makes Danny feel a lot better, and Michelle tells Jesse that she would not mind if he starts calling her "Munchkin" again, and he does, topping it off with a kiss. And to add to the fun, after Danny hands Michelle her plate of s'mores, she finds it hot, so she puts it on the couch.
What nobody knows is, after he brings some drinks over for everyone, Joey walks over and unknowingly sits on the hot s'mores plate and it sticks to his pants, causing everyone to laugh out loud at him. And to add even more humor, the family tops it all off with whipped cream and a cherry. Even Comet gets in on the s'mores fun licking the mess off of Joey's pants as he runs upstairs to escape the dog, remarking that he has not had a good day, as the family laughs at his humor some more.
[The opening teaser:]
Becky: Oh Jess, this is gonna be great, the boys' first night in their new beds: golden footage.
Jesse: [with a camera in his hand] Yeah. I can see it now. Nicky and Alex Katsopolis are... the young and the tired. Right, here we go. Lights, camera, cuteness. [walking into the boys' room] Cuteness. Either they're gone or I left the lens cap on.
Becky: [removing the lens cap] Both.
[Becky turns on the light, and they hear the twins laughing.] Jess, look. [She points to their own bed, where they see wiggling under the covers, and they run over.]
Jesse: The two biggest bedbugs I ever saw.
Becky: [lifts the blanket] We found you.
Alex: Hi, big daddy.
Jesse: Uh-uh, don't 'big daddy' me. Don't 'big daddy' me.
Becky: You are supposed to be in your own beds!
Jesse: That's right, you are going to your own bed.
Alex: No, big bed.
Jesse: No 'big bed'. You go in your bed.
Nicky & Alex: Big bed.
Jesse: Hey! Now, I'm not kidding, get out of there. [The twins crawl back under the blanket...] Okay Beck, cover me, I'm going in. [He and Becky crawl under the blanket...]
Becky: Alright, I'll head 'em off at the pass!
[At Camp Lakota...]
Michelle: [hugging her] Goodbye, Denise, I'm gonna miss you so much.
Denise: But I live right down the block.
Michelle: I know, but now we can't scratch each other's mosquito bites.
[Denise starts scratching Michelle's back, as Stephanie walks in...]
Stephanie: Hey guys. Hey Michelle, have you said goodbye to all of your chickadee bunk mates?
Michelle: Not yet, there is still one more. [She takes a cage with a rabbit.] Goodbye, Gilbert. I'd write you every day, but you'd just eat the paper.
Stephanie: I know how you feel, kid, I made a few good friends myself this summer. [She starts counting friendship bracelets of all the boys she made friends with.] David, Billy, Sean, Gregg. Good thing I played hard-to-get.
[D.J. and Kimmy walk in...]
D.J.: [claps her hands] Okay, girls. Attention, attention. Lights out in five minutes. It's really important to get plenty of sleep on the last night of camp.
Denise: So we won't be tired tomorrow?
D.J.: So us counselors can party tonight.
D.J. & Kimmy: [as they slap high-fives] Watch out!
Kimmy: All right! [She blows a whistle.] Speed it up, you little twerp-sickles. [to Stephanie] Better get back to your cabin, blondie. Isn't it past your bedtime, too?
Stephanie: You know, Kimmy, you could use a little beauty rest yourself. About a year should bring you up to a 'yuck'.
Denise: Steve, it's the last night, and you promised to tell us the story about that maniac guy.
Steve: Well, I don't know, guys, it's pretty scary. You should probably all go to the bathroom first.
Girls: [saying different things at the same time:] No. Come on. Please. You promised. Tell it.
Steve: Okay. All right, I'll tell it. [He turns and flips the light switch off, and as he turns back, he shines a flashlight on his face, under his chin.] 'It was a dark and stormy night.' Old man Cropsy looked out the window and saw a bulldozer barring down on his cabin. Oh no! [He lets a shade roll up.] He ran down to stop it [runs toward the girls and they run back], but his foot got stuck in a broken floorboard. The thunder was so loud that nobody could hear Cropsy scream. Whaa! [The kids look frightened.] That bulldozer buried him alive under a pile of rubble and mud. You know what they built right where Cropsy's cabin was? [The kids shake their heads.] This camp. [They look scared.] So now, whenever it rains, out of the slimy sludge it comes, just looking for scared little campers. [They look more frightened.] Half man, half mud. [turns and puts mud on his face] The Cropsy maniac! [They scream, and he turns the lights back on.] Gee, I hope I didn't scare anybody?
Michelle: [crawling from under a bed] Not me. [The other kids look at her.] I was just looking for a sock.
[Back home, Becky and Jesse can't get to sleep because their twins can't get to sleep. Jesse's words say it all...]
Jesse: Have mercy.
[In the morning, in the kitchen...]
Joey: Jess, you look kind of tired, rough night last night, huh?
Jesse: Yeah. The twins they didn't want to sleep in their new beds last night, so they had to sleep with us. Did you ever spend the whole night with a toe in your ear?
Joey: Well, not someone else's.
Jesse: How is the 'welcome home' meal coming?
Joey: Oh perfect, I made all the girls' favorites. They'll love it.
Jesse: You know, I miss those girls so much. I must have read Michelle's postcard a hundred times. [reading the card] 'Dear family, I have to write this or I can't go to lunch. Love, Michelle.' That munchkin. First time I got through without crying.
Joey: [crying] What are you, a stone?
[Danny enters the house with the girls.]
Danny: They're back!
[Becky runs down the stairs with Nicky and Alex, and Jesse and Joey walk in from the kitchen...]
Joey: Hey, you guys are back.
[All hug and say 'hey'...]
Becky: All right girls, tell us all about camp.
D.J. & Stephanie: [talking at the same time about different things] It was great... It was the best... fishing and stuff... really great...
Becky: Maybe I'll just send for the transcript.
Michelle: Nicky, Alex, I made you guys a present in arts & crafts. Here is a lion for Nicky, because that's his favorite animal. And a lion for Alex, because that is all they taught us how to make.
Becky: Alright you guys, what do you say then to Michelle?
Nicky & Alex: Grr.
Becky: That is 'lionese' for 'thank you very much'. Okay, beasty boys, you kings of the jungle need a nap, so let's get you into those new beds.
Nicky & Alex: Big bed.
Becky: No, not the big bed. Your own beds.
[The girls take their stuff and head upstairs to unpack.]
Girls: [singing] We love Camp Lakota, Lakota, Lakota! The camp that we love is Lakota, Lakota! Did we mention that we love Lakota!
[The singing stops.]
Danny: I don't get it. When I was a kid and I came back from Camp Metalarc, I couldn't wait to be home. I was so happy. I kissed my parents, I kissed my bed, I kissed the floor.
Joey: Danny, it was a day camp [confirming he was Danny's camp-mate.]
Danny: Yeah, but it was a very long day.
[In Stephanie and Michelle's room, both girls are unloading their laundry, as D.J. enters.]
D.J.: Hey, Steph, do you have those plastic sandals I lent you?
Stephanie: No. But I know where they are.
D.J.: Great. Where are they?
Stephanie: At the bottom of the lake.
D.J.: [scoffs] I told you they wouldn't fit!
Stephanie: It's not my fault you have big feet!
D.J.: Well, I'm not gonna lend you any more stuff!
[Both Stephanie and her former roommate begin arguing, but all that does is upset her current roommate.]
Michelle: Quiet! You're scaring Gilbert!
D.J.: Sorry, Michelle. We didn't mean to scare... [pauses & with Stephanie] Gilbert? [by herself] Floppy-eared, sniffle-nosed, carrot-breath Gilbert?
Michelle: Easy. He's very sensitive about his breath.
D.J.: Michelle, you were supposed to let him go at the camp.
Michelle: I tried, but he didn't want to. It was his decision.
Stephanie: [as she rolls her eyes in disgust] Oh, come on.
Michelle: It's true. I asked him if he wanted to go back into the woods, and he went... [imitates a rabbit]
Stephanie: [to Danny, about the rabbit] His name is Gilbert. He had a broken leg when we found him. We nursed him back to health, and Michelle was supposed to have set him free in the woods. [to Michelle] Way to go, Trail Mix.
[When Danny says that Gilbert needs to be with his friends, Michelle says that she is his friend.]
Danny: No, I mean his forest friends. You know, the ones with fur and four legs, who breed indiscriminately. Honey, you know where he belongs, and it's not in a gym bag [in which she brought him home].
[The girls head back to Camp Lakota on this 'dark and stormy night'. They then find a cabin – one that may look familiar to them. D.J. turns on the lights.]
D.J.: Well we're wet, but we're back. ... It looks so weird in here.
Michelle: Everything looks so different.
Stephanie: Well, that's because we're not here anymore.
Michelle: Sure feels like we're here.
Stephanie: [sarcastically] Fine, we're here. Let's just dump the bunny and split.
[Michelle goes to get Gilbert out of his box.]
Michelle: Uh, guys, somebody is missing.
D.J.: Gilbert chewed right through the box. Boy, isn't that just like a rabbit.
Michelle: [sadly, as she throws down his chewed carrot] I never got a chance to say goodbye.
[Steve walks in...]
D.J.: Steve, we have a problem. Gilbert escaped.
Steve: Oh, Michelle, I'm really sorry, but I'm afraid we've got a bigger problem right now. My car is stuck in a huge, slimy, mud puddle.
Michelle: Oh, no! He's out there!
D.J.: Who's out there?
Michelle: Hello? Mud? Cropsy Maniac, remember?
D.J.: Michelle, that's just a story.
[Thunder clap sounds.]
Michelle: I hope Cropsy knows that [as another sound of thunder causes them to all huddle together in comfort].
[In the twins' bedroom...]
Jesse: [lying on Nicky's bed] Okay, come on now. Now, let's uh, let's get the boys to s-l-e-e-p, so we can get the h-e-c-k o-u-t.
Becky: [lying on Alex's bed] Okay, f-i-r-s-t w-e s-h-o-u-l-d...
Jesse: Hold on, let me get a crayon.
Becky: Honey, never mind, let's just get on with this. I'm exhausted. [She closes her eyes.]
Jesse: Okay, come on. Let's go to sleep, go to sleep in our race car beds. Okay, and we're gonna race on to sleep. Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom.
Alex: Bad bed.
Nicky: Yucky bed.
Jesse: No, no, no, it's not a yucky bed. It's a nice bed, comfy bed, expensive bed.
[Michelle is worried that a character from a scary story may be outside.]
Stephanie: [regarding the "Mud Man"] Michelle, there is no 'Cropsy Maniac'. That's just a story that counselors tell kids to shut them up so they can make out.
[Outside the cabin there's a sound of breaking twigs and moaning.]
D.J.: What was that?!
Steve: It was probably just the wind.
Stephanie: Just the wind? Just the wind?! It's never just the wind!
[The girls grab a broom to defend themselves.]
Steve: Don't worry girls, I was on the wrestling team for two years. [The door starts to open.] Uh, three years would've been better. [The door opens and the girls scream. Steve starts to wrestle the "maniac", but it turns out to be Joey covered in mud.]
Danny: It’s like when you go to the movies. When the show is over, you know the magic’s all gone. All that’s left is just a big empty room with a sticky floor.
- The episode title is a well-known phrase originally from the opening sentence of English writer Edward Bulwer-Lytton's 1830 novel Paul Clifford (more recently it is known for being a recurring phrase used by Snoopy from the Peanuts comic strip)
- Jesse saying "The Young and the Tired" to describe the twins is a take on the soap opera The Young and the Restless
- Song played as Jesse and Becky toss and turn in bed – appropriately: "Tossin' and Turnin'" (1961)
- The only known episode to feature a time-lapse from night to day
- The sub-plot involving the twins' new beds is similar to the main plot of "Granny Tanny" (season 3)
- One of two episodes where the copyright date is shown as "© 1993 Warner Bros. Television"
- A promo for this episode (along with the series premiere of Phenom) aired earlier in 1993