|Season 1, episode 10|
|Air date||December 4, 1987|
|Previous||The Miracle of Thanksgiving|
|Next||The Big Three-O|
Joey is in the kitchen ironing everyone's clothes. As soon as everyone else gets home, he gives them the good news about being one of many comedians to take part on a 2-week, 16-campus college tour. Everyone is excited about this, except Joey himself because he is afraid that if he takes the gig, he will not be able to take care of the girls during those two weeks, so Jesse volunteers to take his place so he can get away from his parents' exterminator business for a while. Everyone else agrees with the decision, and Joey decides to go ahead and press his luck as suggested by the family.
In the meantime, Joey has always been a good sport about living in a tiny alcove in the living room, but when it is time to work on his comedy routine, the toughest part is finding a quiet spot to practice. He starts in the living room, but Stephanie has to rehearse for her upcoming Honeybee troop meeting. Second, he tries the hallway, but Jesse is playing his music and D.J. has to do her homework, so she asks her uncle to stop. Third, he tries Michelle's room, but in her crib is an annoying toy parrot that records every human's voice.
When he finally finds a spot, that being the garage, it does not help. As quiet as it can be, it is also cold, and turning on his VW Beetle's heater to warm up the garage will just waste its battery. And when D.J. sees him using the car's trunk as his closet – and his "water fountain" routine – he explains the situation, and she explains it to the rest of the family (see Quotes).
Despite these issues, Joey's high spirits are never in short supply, but when the family seems to barely notice his absence when he goes away for the weekend, he begins to wonder if anyone even wants him around anymore. Could there perhaps be an even bigger reason behind the family's recently standoffish behavior?
Meanwhile, while everyone else is inside the house, Stephanie learns the meaning of a "lookout", and even how it works. Danny explains that it's to inform the rest of the family as to when Joey is coming, not when he's not coming... and Stephanie even realizes there's a secret code to all of this.
When Danny comes home a little late from work, Jesse complains like a housewife (see Quotes).
When Joey does come home from his two weeks away, the house is as quiet as a mouse. Putting down his bags in the alcove, as usual, he is surprised to see that it's completely empty. He also wonders where everyone else is. Not to worry, as the family is playing Monopoly in the kitchen, and they reveal to Joey that they made him a room, and even how they did it (see Quotes). Joey, still unable to come to terms that where his bedroom is now was where the garage was then, thinks it must've cost a fortune for Danny to renovate it. However, Danny (as the inspirational music plays) reminds Joey that he's his best friend, and he did him the best and biggest favor of his life by moving in and helping him raise the girls. Joey, still in awe over his new room, remarks that no one has ever done anything like this for him before, and the best part is, great as the new room is, the greater thing is that the family wants him here. Danny asks Joey if he is kidding, but they are not kidding that he's a part of the family. Jesse welcomes Joey home and puts him on the day shift. D.J. says that Stephanie can sleep in the alcove, but Stephanie offers it to D.J. Joey then realizes that they were kidding after all. The whole family runs over and tackles Joey on his new bed (as the audience applauds and the EP credits appear).
- Dustin Autumn as Dustin (only acting credit)
- Benji Schwimmer as Benji (acting debut)
- Robert Lucas as Robbie (only acting credit)
- Ryan Christopher as Ryan (only acting credit)
- Janice Sweetin as Janice (adoptive mother of Jodie Sweetin; only acting credit)
- Barbara Cameron as Barbara (mother of Candace Cameron Bure)
- Joan Leizman as Joanie
[Joey opens the door to Jesse's room to ask a question. While the door is still open, he plays a riff on his electric guitar (with amp).]
D.J.: [coming out from her room] Uncle Jesse, I'm trying to do my homework.
Jesse: [softly] Sorry. [turns down the volume, and after she closes her door...] Chuck Berry didn't have to live with three nieces.
[In the garage, Joey is rehearsing.]
Joey: [playing a tape of a laugh track] Cut it out! You people are too much. Quit it. Get out of here. [He stops the tape.] And now, ladies and gentlemen, a dramatic presentation: a little something I like to call 'Ode to a Fountain'.
[He takes a glass of water and puts almost half of it in his mouth. D.J. comes down as he spurts the water out (see infobox photo).]
D.J.: Joey, that looks so real! Everytime I see you do your fountain act, I wanna throw pennies on your face and make a wish.
Joey: I just wish that I do that well on the tour.
D.J.: Oh, you'll be great! I finished my homework, so you can rehearse in my room. But please don't spit on my bed.
Joey: No, D.J., it's okay. The garage really isn't that bad.
D.J.: It's freezing!
Joey: [takes a jacket and puts it on her shoulders] Your wrap, madame.
D.J.: Merci beaucoup! ['Thank you very much!' in French] I didn't know you kept your clothes in your car.
Joey: Well, that alcove is so small. But my trunk makes a good closet. The worst part, D.J., is not having any privacy.
D.J.: I know what you mean. I live with a 5-year-old who thinks that I was born so that she'd have someone to play with. Not that I'm complaining.
Joey: Oh, of course not. D.J., in my pre-alcove days, I lived like a king. I had my own door, four walls, and a light switch. It was Camelot! Not that I'm complaining.
D.J.: Well, my pre-Stephanie days... my Bananarama poster didn't have to share the wall with Rainbow Brite.
Both: Not that I'm complaining.
D.J.: Well, if you need a place to keep your socks, my bike basket is all yours.
Joey: Thanks, D.J., but I keep my socks in the glove compartment.
[In Michelle's room...]
Stephanie: Joey's not here yet.
Danny: Time-out, Stephanie. Honey, let's have a little talk about this "lookout" thing. The key is to let us know when Joey is coming, not when Joey is not coming.
Stephanie: This is harder than I thought.
Danny: No, sweetie, it's easy. All you have to do is, when you see Joey coming, you give us the secret code. The duck flies at midnight.
Stephanie: “The duck flies at midnight.” I should get paid for this.
D.J.: Okay, I got this all figured out. Now, if I move into Michelle's room, Joey moves into my room, Michelle moves into the alcove, and Stephanie gets a tent in the backyard.
Stephanie: I don't think so.
D.J.: Okay, plan B. If we put bunk beds in Jesse's room...that means Uncle Jesse and Joey could be roommates. Great idea, huh?
Jesse: I don't think so.
Joey: Oh, here you are.
Stephanie: The duck, the turtle, the chicken drives to 7-Eleven at midnight.
[The next morning, in the kitchen...]
Joey: Jess, the girls' after-school activities for the next two weeks are in blue, except for D.J.'s dental appointment, which is in green (see Trivia). And I put the cleaning schedule in pink.
Jesse: Alex, I'll take dental appointments for 50.
Danny: [coming downstairs] Good morning, my friends.
Joey, Jesse, D.J. & Stephanie: Good morning.
Jesse: You guys are just in time. We've got your eggs, bacon, toast, milk, orange juice, and the morning paper... sports section on the top.
Danny: It looks like Jesse. It sounds like Jesse. I think I'll keep him.
Joey: Hey, all Hazel's done so far is make breakfast.
Jesse: What do you guys think?
D.J.: They're great. I'll have seconds.
Jesse: Seconds? Okay. Seconds for you [D.J.] and seconds for you [Stephanie]. All right?
Joey: How come nobody ever asks for a second helping of my eggs?
Danny: So, Jess...did Michelle eat?
Jesse: Yeah, like a horse. She's sleeping it off.
Danny: Way to go, Jess. I'm sorry. I'm late for work. Joey, buddy, you are on your way. Knock them dead. Blow them away. You're gonna kill them. You're in a very violent business. See you guys later. Thanks. Made myself an Egg McJesse (see Trivia).
TV: We'll be right back with Judge Wapner's decision after this.
Jesse: Hang that dry cleaner, Judge Wapner [see Trivia]. Hang him!
Danny: [to Jesse] Hi, honey! I'm home! ... Hi, girls.
D.J. & Stephanie: Hi, Dad.
Danny: [to Jesse] I'm sorry I'm late. At the last minute, I had to rush out to Oakland to cover a Warriors' practice session. Traffic was miserable...
Jesse: Give me a break.
Jesse: Don't 'Huh?' me! You waltz in here 25 minutes late and expect sympathy? Huh!
Danny: Well, I didn't know...
Jesse: [as he walks over to the table and spoons mashed potatoes onto everyone's plates] I have cleaned the house, and washed & dried your clothes, and ran a daycare for socially deviant munchkins, and missed Oprah!, ran this one [Stephanie] to her ballet lesson, this one [D.J.] to her dentist appointment [showing off her smile] – no cavities, thank you very much! Do you realize I have slaved over a hot stove so that you can have a hot meal when you come home? Huh?! Hmm-hmm-hmm?
Danny: Jesse, I'm sorry.
Jesse: 'Sorry'? Hmph! 'Sorry'! 'Sorry' doesn't change the fact that my chicken tetrazzini is ruined! [showing it off] Ruined! It's all dried out! But do you have the common courtesy to call me and tell me that you're gonna be 25 minutes late? NO! Well, I am not an animal! ... Oh my God, what is happening to me? I'm turning into June Cleaver [see Trivia].
Danny: You are a beautiful human being! Jesse, the first day is always the toughest. Hey, my sad little soldier, this will perk you up. I figured out the perfect solution to Joey's alcove problem. I talked to some contractors and during the next two weeks, we are going to build Joey his own bedroom.
D.J.: Good idea!
Jesse: Oh, great. Another room for me to clean.
D.J.: Uncle Jesse, your chicken's pretty good.
Stephanie: Yeah, it's just a little dry.
[Joey's just got home, and everyone explains the situation.]
Jesse: Joey, your stuff is in the garage. Go check it out.
Joey: Oh, I'll check it out, and then I'll pack it up. You just threw all my stuff down in the garage? Why didn't you just fling it out on the front lawn? Am I still getting my mail here, or did you forward it to the gutter? I didn't demand to move in here. I volunteered to help out. And if you didn't need my help, all you had to say was...
[Everyone heads down to what was the garage.]
Joey: 'Joey is an idiot.' I got a bathroom, my Jets, Manny, my bed. I love it!
Danny: You deserve it!
Joey: How'd you guys get my old furniture?
Danny: Your mom.
Joey: What happened to all the junk down here?
Joey: Where's your motorcycle?
Joey: Hey, where are we gonna park our cars?
- Danny's "Egg McJesse" is a take on the Egg McMuffin
- Two of the mothers who dropped off their children, Barbara and Janice, were played by Candace Cameron and Jodie Sweetin's real-life mothers (respectively)
- Here, Joey gets his own place in the basement, but in the next episode, "The Big Three-O", the garage is the same as before this episode, because the next episode was supposed to air before this one and got preempted
- D.J. makes an attempt to get her own room in this episode, by suggesting that Michelle sleeps in the alcove and Stephanie sleeps in a tent in the backyard or that Jesse and Joey get bunk beds and share a room; however, she fails in the process
- From this episode until "Fuller House" (season 4 episode), the garage is Joey's bedroom and becomes the basement
- June Cleaver, mentioned by Jesse in his speech as a "housewife", is "Beaver's" mother on Leave it to Beaver
- When Jesse says "Hang that dry cleaner, Judge Wapner, hang 'em!", he's watching an episode of The People's Court in the living room, and referring to Joseph Wapner (1919–2017), the judge from the original run of the series (1981–1993)
- Goof: When Joey is explaining the board to Jesse and what all the colored Post-Its mean, he says the green one is D.J.'s dentist appointment, but if you look at the board there are multiple green Post-Its
- "Also sprach Zarathustra" (2001: A Space Odyssey theme) – hummed by Joey while he irons clothes
- "Brahms' Lullaby" (Danny & Jesse) / "The Farmer in the Dell" (D.J. & Stephanie) – sung at the same time as to fool Joey
- "Flight of the Bumblebee" – played on Stephanie's boombox as she prepares for her Honeybee meeting
- "Boil Them Cabbage Down" – by Jesse, as he prepares breakfast