This is a transcript of the episode Just Say No Way. It is still under construction. It needs names added, and more proper punctuation.
Michelle: I cooked you lunch!
Joey: Michelle, you are the sweetest girl in the whole world!
Michelle: I know, eat it!
Joey: Okay. Mmm, I taste bananas, and pickles, and jello,
Michelle: and bubble gum.
Joey: Mmm-hmm. Well, you got all four food groups.
Joey blows a bubble.
Michelle: Hey, don't play with your food.
Joey: Aww nuts.
--- Opening Credits ---
Jesse: Alright Munchkins! We got your chocolate moo juice here! Extra chocolate, easy on the moo.
Stephanie: Thanks Uncle Jesse!
Joey: Hey everybody!
Everyone: Hey (uncle) Joey!
Joey: Guess what Michelle? I got you a tape of children's songs by Raffi.
Michelle: Thank you. What is a Raffi?
Joey: Well, he's the guy who sings "Baby Beluga".
Stephanie: Oh I used to love that song! Dad remember our dance? Come on, let's show Michelle.
Danny: Oh, this'll be fun...
Joey: I'll just put it here in your baby boom box.
Danny: Okay Joey. Rock and roll!
-- Song --
Baby Beluga in the deep blue sea
He swims so wild and he swims so free
Heavens above and the sea below
And a little whale on the go, 2, 3, 4
Baby Beluga, Baby Beluga
is the water cold, is your mama home with you
-- Song keeps playing in background --
Jesse: This is great. I got the Baby Beluga dancers, and I'm drinking moo juice. When did my life become a G rated movie?
Danny: Girls. Wait, how about a little "Hello! How was your day?"
DJ: No time to talk, we're in charge of the dance.
Joey: What about your homework?
Kimmy: If we do our homework now what will we do while they take attendance?
DJ: Don't worry about me. I'm almost finished.
Jesse: Oh yeah? Let's see it then.
DJ: Did I say almost finished? I meant almost started.
Scene shift to DJ and Stephanie's bedroom, DJ, Kimmy and Stephanie are there.
Kimmy: (on the phone) Great. The dance is next Friday. Don't be late. (she hangs up the phone) Dogface said yes.
DJ: Alright! We got a band!
Stephanie: Dogface? Never heard of them.
Kimmy: That's because you're in 2nd grade and Dogface is a high school band.
Stephanie: So? The Rolling Stones are 100 and I've heard of them.
DJ: Ok. What's next on our list?
Kimmy: Well, This is a backwards dance. That means we have to get some guys to be our dates. Call up Kevin.
DJ: I can't right now. I don't have his phone number.
Stephanie: Yes you do. It's the little speed dial button with a heart drawn around it.
Stephanie: It's ringing....
DJ: (in a phone operator's voice) This is the phone company. Your phone works fine. Goodbye.
DJ hangs up and Stephanie mimics a chicken. Kimmy laughs.
Kimmy: Sorry. But sometimes she's funny.
Stephanie: Hello Kevin?
DJ: Stephanie! (she starts chasing Stephanie)
Stephanie: This is Stephanie Tanner and I was wondering if you'd like to go to the Backwards Dance with my lovely sister DJ.
DJ: I'm going to kill you!
Stephanie: Ok. Bye. (she hangs up) Kevin said yes!
DJ: I'm going to hug you! (she hugs her)
Stephanie: Teenagers. You make such a big deal out of everything.
Scene change to living room. Stephanie runs in.
Stephanie: Somebody do something! It's one song all week of Baby Beluga! I'm going bananas! [We then see Michelle carrying the boombox and singing along.] Joey, you gave her that tape. You take it away!
Joey: Michelle, why don't we fast forward this thing to another song?
Joey: Well, Baby Beluga's tired and he needs a nap.
Michelle: Don't make me cry.
DJ: (on the steps) How do I look?
Adults: You look great.
DJ: Dad, do you have to tape everything?
Danny: Oh, sorry. I'll stop. Well, maybe a few more seconds. I'm having a really good hair day.
I'll get it! Wait! That's Kevin! (she sits on the arm of the chair) Ok. Now.
Hi neighbours. (looks at Danny's Camera) Hi camera! (sings) I got the right stuff. Oh. Oh. Oh. Kimmy. I have to save the battery for later. Deej. Bad news. We don't have a band. Dogface broke up. This is terrible! I promised we'd have a good band. Everyone's going to hate me. Unless.... (looks at Jesse) What? What unless? What are you looking at me for? Oh come on... DJ. I'd be happy to help you out but I can't get my band at this late of notice. Well, What if I got you another back up band? Wait! I know who I can get! They're hot. Please... (she's hugging Jesse) DJ get a grip. Actually LOOSEN your grip. Ok. I'm there for you babe. Thank you.
Hello? Hello. Hello. Oh Kevin! I missed your entrance! Could you go out and come back in again? Dad... Kevin's mom is waiting out in the car. And don't you dare follow us out to the car! Thanks for asking me out Stephanie. My pleasure. Any little brothers like you at home? Stephanie! (DJ and Kevin leave) Adios Tanners! Jesse be there by seven. The gig pays $50. But since you don't have a whole band you get $20. Everybody sing! Uhhh... I gotta go get ready. (everyone runs away) You're missing the best part!!!
Hey Deej! Is your backup band going to show up or what?! They'll be here. Now Jesse you promised to play no matter what! I have a feeling I'm going to earn my $20 tonight. Where did Kevin go? He's....
Kevin! Come over here. I'm going to get some punch.
Hey Kevin! Who asked you here? DJ. So how come your babe's not here? She's busy talking. She knows everyone. I'm not good at that. You gotta loosen up man! Come with us. We have a little surprise for you. What are you talking about? Just come on.
(speaking in the microphone) DJ Tanner. Report to the stage immediately! Oh great! The band's here! Oh great! The band's here! This is a marching band! Unless we're playing on a float I'm outta here! You promised. You promised a good back up band. They're good. They're a band and they're in back of you. Give them a chance please.... Alright but let's get one thing straight! We are not spelling out the school name during our songs! Alright. Now as you might of guessed this is not Dogface. But let's give a big Vanetta Jr. High welcome to... No Names. The No Names!
You feeling alright out there?!
We'll take care of that. Here we go! (Jesse and the band begin singing and playing "Wild Thing" and everyone has strange looks on their faces) (they walk away) Wild Thing. I think I love you! (guy in marching band crashes cymbals) But I would like to know for sure... (he does it again) Wild Thing you move me! He's not worth twenty bucks.
STOP! STOP! STOP! Uncle Jesse you can stop now we found a stereo. Come on DJ! It's our big finish! Stars and Stripes Forever! Uncle Jesse! It's over! AW... Kimmy. Have you seen Kevin? Last time I saw him he was out in the hallway. He's probably hiding from the band! I'll tell him It's safe to come in.
Kevin! Hey DJ! What are you doing out here? Just hanging out! The dance was lame. So we started our own party. (after seeing the beer can) You're drinking beer! Yeah. Tastes horrible. You want some? No! I don't want some! You guys aren't supposed to be drinking beer! Big deal! We're just having some fun try it! (shakes the can and sprays DJ with it.) Cut it out! You didn't have to do that! DJ I'm sorry. I'll get some paper towels for you. Why don't you guys get out of here?! You are so uncool! Oh. And you think you're cool! (grabs the can and as she's saying this Jesse is standing in front of the door) The dance was lame now we're having a party! Forget it DJ we don't want any beer! Yeah we're only 13! The two boys run away....
DJ TANNER! Uncle Jesse. You're in BIG BIG trouble young lady. Uncle Jesse. I didn't do anything. Oh yeah? Then What's this?! It's beer but…
Oh you going to tell me you weren't drinking it! I can smell it all over you! Those guys were the ones drinking. I was trying to stop them. ALRIGHT! SAVE IT! (throws beer can in trash) I saw the whole thing! You're going home! Uncle Jesse! DJ where are you going? HOME! She doesn't feel well!
What's wrong Baby Baluga? Are you sick? (she takes the tape cassette out and the machine has eaten the tape) Uh Oh. Help! Honey what's wrong? Baby Beluga's broken. Really? Well maybe I can fix it. (Danny and Stephanie grab him saying Oh no, no, no.) I want Baby Baluga! I want Baby Baluga! I want Baby Baluga! Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. (they start to sing but in a frustrated voice) Stop! Sing it nicely. (they sing it nicely)
I'm talking to him first! No! I am!
Whoa! Whoa! What's going on here? I was NOT drinking beer! You were not drinking what?! I saw the whole thing Danny! She had a beer in her hand! She was waving it around and talking about partying! The other kids were drinking! I was telling them how stupid they looked! DJ everyone makes mistakes. We know how hard it is when kids are drinking and they offer you a drink...
I know drinking is wrong! We already had this talk! That's why I didn't do it! I'm telling the truth! Oh yeah. Like you were telling us the truth about your homework. You weren't exactly honest about this marching back up band tonight. That was totally different! You believe me don't you dad? I'd like to DJ. But, you do smell like beer. Someone spilled it on me! Really! (upset) DJ. Go to your room. I'll talk to Jesse and then I'll come and talk to you. (upset) This is so unfair!!! How can you take his side of the story instead of believing your own daughter?! (she stomps upstairs)
Get out! Get out! Get out!
How can they do this?! I was telling the truth! I don't deserve to be treated like this! I didn't do it! What didn't you do? (sobs) Well it doesn't matter! No one believes me anyway! Not Jesse! Not Joey! Not even Dad! (sobs) I believe you DJ. (sobs a little) You do? Of course I do. You're my big sister. And besides that you were looking right in my eyes. And you were lying on the top of your head. Thanks Stephanie. (they hug) I gotta find a way for them to believe me...
I can't believe this is happening! She's only 13 and she's such a good kid. Danny this could happen to any kid. There's a lot of pressure on them to try drinking. Yeah and not just from other kids. Sometimes it's rockstars. Sometimes celebrities. And people these kids look up to. They're making drinking look cool. They're sending the wrong message to kids. Well let me tell you something! DJ is going to get the RIGHT message and learn that there is NO DRINKING PERIOD! I'm going to go upstairs right now and lay down the law! Jesse wait a minute. Just sit down. (he does) I think it's not as simple as just punishing her. I think we have to find out why DJ did it so we can decide the best way to help her. I just don't want her to end up as one of those kids who has to learn the hard way.
Your attention please! Whatever you said DJ did she didn't do! How do you know that Stephanie? Because she was crying. And those were not, "I'm in trouble" tears. Those were, "I didn't do it" tears. I think we need to straighten this out right now. She's not in her room. (starting to get upset all over again): Where is she?! She went back to the dance with Kimmy's Mom to prove she's innocent. (angry) Oh great! Now she sneaks out of the house without telling us?! What is going on with her? You guys take off. I'll handle things here.
DJ! You missed everything! Kevin, Sam, and Stewart Paul got caught drinking and they're going to be suspended from school. I hate to say it but they deserve to be suspended. Your Mom's waiting for you out in the car I gotta find Kevin. He's over there sitting and waiting for his parents. You better talk to him now. You may not see him for a long time. (Kimmy walks away) Hi. Hi. You and I have to talk. My family thinks I was drinking. Oh man... You gotta tell my Dad I'm innocent. Why did you have to go and drink anyway? They said they would loosen me up. I wanted to have fun with you tonight. I didn't have fun with you tonight. I had fun with the old Kevin.
Kevin your parents are here. DJ I'm really sorry. I know you are. Is it okay if I still call you again sometime? Sure. But make sure the old Kevin calls. Come on let's go.
Kevin have you seen DJ? She's in there. Thanks. Mr. Tanner? Yes? DJ wasn't drinking tonight. It was me and two other boys. She was trying to stop us. She was telling the truth. I'm sorry Danny it's just that I saw her with the beer and... Oh Jesse Don't feel bad. It was an honest mistake. Thanks for telling us Kevin. Come on Kevin. I was pretty rough on DJ. Do you mind if I go in there and have a word alone with DJ? Okay.
Oh great now I'm in even more trouble. Look I came down to find Kevin and... We just talked to Kevin. You did? Yes. He told us what really happened and I owe you a big apology. You really hurt my feelings. I'm sorry for not believing you. Well I guess it did look pretty bad. And I did bend the truth a couple times this week. DJ I want you to know why I lost my temper tonight. It's just… It made me crazy thinking that my little niece was starting to drink. This isn't all fun and games I seen this happen to my friends and just when you think they have it under control before you know it they messed up their lives. That's why I'm proud of you for making the right decision tonight. It's not that hard to say no. But those kids were acting like idiots. Well you made it through tonight. But the sad truth is you're going to be faced with a lot of tough decisions in your life. Not just about drinking either. But also about drugs, and sex, and who knows what? I want you to grow up in a world and enjoy being a kid but I'm sorry that's not the way it is. I hope that you'll use the same judgement you used tonight. I never want to see you get hurt. I love you so much. I love you too Uncle Jesse.(they hug) Alright let's go home.
Source, with edits: http://www.full-house.org/episodes/episodes_script_065.php