|Love on the Rocks|
|Season 7, episode 19|
|Air date||March 1, 1994|
|Next||Michelle a la Carte|
Steve Hale goes to a seminar in Los Angeles with his film class, and D.J. does not seem as excited as him. A few days later, D.J. tells Becky that she is worried about her relationship with Steve. Becky explains to her niece that a relationship lasts because of the similarity in interests, and explains about the hotness and length of a relationship. She even notes that having a hot relationship seems to be one of the interests she shares with Jesse that caused it to also be long, and thus, lead to their tying the knot.
Meanwhile, the family is in a war of pranks against prank master Joey. Everyone is up at 5:00 a.m., not knowing he changed all the clocks and watches to 8:00 a.m. They almost get him, but because of him noticing that Becky had labeled it "Joke on Joey" before she put it in at dawn, they were given away. Jesse and Becky take the twins back to sleep, and everyone else agrees to go get two more hours of shut-eye.
They play a second joke on Joey when they accidentally throw his $50 million winning lottery ticket into the burning fireplace. What he does not know is that they had taped the drawing from the week before, and swapped that winning ticket with his ticket. He then says that there was no tape in the machine, but it is yet another joke – as it turns out that there was indeed a tape in the VCR. But despite that, Joey gets drenched with water upon entering the kitchen, thus being dethroned.
That night, Steve calls from Los Angeles, and he sounds like he is having a blast. D.J. goes mountain climbing on Eagle Mountain with Kimmy and her boyfriend John (who Kimmy prefers to call "Keanu"). A few days later, Steve returns to San Francisco from Los Angeles, and he thinks D.J. is acting like she did not miss him. After an argument with D.J., Steve goes home. That night, D.J. tells Danny that it feels like she and Steve are not on the same wavelength anymore. The next day, D.J. takes Steve to Eagle Mountain, where they have a long talk, and they decide to break up because they are no longer as passionate about their relationship as they once were; all the passion, heat, fire, and air has gone out of it. Their relationship is now more like a friendship, instead of the passionate romance that it used to be. They both think that the thought of breaking up is hard, even harder than D.J. going mountain climbing. Steve reminds D.J. (as the inspirational music plays) that she is the best friend he has ever had, and he reminds her that just because they are breaking up, it does not mean that they can't stay together, as D.J. reminds him if they did, they would miss out on incredible things. They decide to take the trail this time, and Steve goes off without D.J. as she takes a moment to regather her thoughts and regain her composure (as the music plays out and the camera zooms out and the EP credits appear, with the fade-out occurring as Thomas L. Miller and Robert L. Boyett's credits remain on-screen).
Suzanne Somers appears as herself. She is known for playing Chrissy Snow on Three's Company (1977–1981) and as Carol Lambert on Step by Step (1991–1998).
[Before sunrise, everyone is in the kitchen, yawning.]
Danny: What is going on here? [yawning himself] Why is everyone so tired?
D.J.: I'd ask Nicky and Alex, but I don't wanna wake 'em. [And right on cue, the camera pans to our right (and her left), to reveal the sleeping twins.]
Jesse: Hey, uh, where the heck's the newspaper at? Checked all the usual places: The hedge, under the car, Gibbler's coffee table.
Joey: [coming downstairs and trying to sound like Lucky the Leprechaun] Hello! Top o' the morning to ya! Where's me Lucky Charms?
Becky: [coming in from the back door] Hey, you guys won't believe this: I was driving to the health club, and according to the radio it's 5:00 in the morning.
Jesse: It's not 5:00, it's 8:00. [He shows her his watch.]
[At which point, Joey laughs and exclaims...]
Joey: April Fool's!
D.J.: [to Becky] You should see Kimmy and Keanu. You have to pry them apart with the jaws of life.
[D.J.'s babysitting the twins as the rest of the family is out of the house. She tries her hand at animal sounds.]
D.J.: I'm a g-o-o-o-o-oat. I'm a g-o-o-o-o-oat. [The phone rings and she goes over to answer it.] Hello-o-o-o-o. [She clears her throat.] Hello?
Steve: [to Suzanne Somers, as she's waiting to use the payphone] It's all yours, Ms. Somers. And if I may say so, thanks to that Thighmaster of yours, my mom's got the cutest buns on the whole block.
Suzanne: How nice for your dad. [He leaves and gestures that the phone's now hers.] Thank you. [She pops in her change.]
D.J.: It's nice having these talks without being in trouble.
Danny: Well, if it'll make you feel any better, I could ground you for a couple weeks.
Jesse's "Your mission, should you choose it" message to D.J. is a take on the tape scene from Mission: Impossible (and its 1988 revival), which usually goes: "Your mission ___, should you choose/decide to accept it...".