|Love on the Rocks|
|Season 7, episode 19|
|Air date||March 1, 1994|
|Next||Michelle a la Carte|
Steve Hale goes to a seminar in Los Angeles with his film class, and D.J. does not seem as excited as him. A few days later, D.J. tells Becky that she is worried about her relationship with Steve. Becky explains to her niece that a relationship lasts because of the similarity in interests, and explains about the hotness and length of a relationship. She even notes that having a hot relationship seems to be one of the interests she shares with Jesse that caused it to also be long, and thus, lead to their tying the knot.
Meanwhile, the family is in a war of pranks against prank master Joey. Everyone is up at 5:00 a.m., not knowing he changed all the clocks and watches to 8:00 a.m. They almost get him, but because of him noticing that Becky had labeled it "Joke on Joey" before she put it in at dawn, they were given away. Jesse and Becky take the twins back to sleep, and everyone else agrees to go get two more hours of shut-eye.
They play a second joke on Joey when they accidentally throw his $50 million winning lottery ticket into the burning fireplace. What he does not know is that they had taped the drawing from the week before, and swapped that winning ticket with his ticket. He then says that there was no tape in the machine, but it is yet another joke – as it turns out that there was indeed a tape in the VCR. But despite that, Joey gets drenched with water upon entering the kitchen, thus being dethroned.
That night, Steve calls from Los Angeles, and he sounds like he is having a blast. D.J. goes mountain climbing on Eagle Mountain with Kimmy and her boyfriend John (who Kimmy prefers to call "Keanu"). A few days later, Steve returns to San Francisco from Los Angeles, and he thinks D.J. is acting like she did not miss him. After an argument with D.J., Steve goes home. That night, D.J. tells Danny that it feels like she and Steve are not on the same wavelength anymore. The next day, D.J. takes Steve to Eagle Mountain, where they have a long talk, and they decide to break up because they are no longer as passionate about their relationship as they once were; all the passion, heat, fire, and air has gone out of it. Their relationship is indeed on the rocks (see Trivia), and is now more like a friendship, instead of the passionate romance that it used to be. They both think that the thought of breaking up is hard, even harder than D.J. going mountain climbing. Steve reminds D.J. (as the inspirational music plays) that she is the best friend he has ever had, and he reminds her that just because they are breaking up, it does not mean that they can't stay together, as D.J. reminds him if they did, they would miss out on incredible things. They decide to take the trail this time, and Steve goes off without D.J. as she takes a moment to regather her thoughts and regain her composure (as the music plays out and the camera zooms out and the EP credits appear, with the fade-out occurring as Thomas L. Miller and Robert L. Boyett's credits remain on-screen).
Suzanne Somers appears as herself. She is known for playing Chrissy Snow on Three's Company (1977–1981) and as Carol Foster Lambert on Step by Step (1991–1998).
[Before sunrise, everyone is in the kitchen, yawning.]
Danny: What is going on here? [yawning himself] Why is everyone so tired?
D.J.: I'd ask Nicky and Alex, but I don't wanna wake 'em. [And right on cue, the camera pans to our right (and her left), to reveal the sleeping twins.]
Jesse: Hey, uh, where the heck's the newspaper at? Checked all the usual places: The hedge, under the car, Gibbler's coffee table.
Joey: [coming downstairs and trying to sound like Lucky the Leprechaun] Hello! Top o' the morning to ya! Where's me Lucky Charms?
Becky: [coming in from the back door] Hey, you guys won't believe this: I was driving to the health club, and according to the radio it's 5:00 in the morning.
Jesse: It's not 5:00, it's 8:00. [He shows her his watch.]
[At which point, Joey laughs and exclaims...]
Joey: April Fools!
[Jesse does his best to explain to the twins about the practical joke.]
Jesse: There's been a little mix-up here and we're going to get a couple more hours of sleep, fellas.
Twins: [repeatedly chanting] No sleep! No sleep!...
[while at the same time...]
Jesse: [as he picks them up] Yes sleep! Yes sleep!...
D.J.: [to Becky] You should see Kimmy and Keanu. You have to pry them apart with the jaws of life.
[D.J.'s babysitting the twins as the rest of the family is out of the house. She sits on the couch while they play with their toy farm.]
D.J.: Well, it looks like you're my Saturday night dates. What do you want to do now?
Nicky: I wanna be a farmer.
Alex: Come on, D.J. You be a goat.
Nicky: Be a goat.
D.J.: [while moving the toy goat around] I'm a g-o-o-o-o-oat. I'm a g-o-o-o-o-oat. [The phone rings and she goes over to answer it.] Hello-o-o-o-o. [She clears her throat.] Hello?
Steve: [hangs up on D.J. so Suzanne Somers can use the payphone] It's all yours, Ms. Somers. Oh, and if I may say so: thanks to that Thighmaster of yours, my mom's got the cutest buns on the whole block.
Suzanne: How nice for your dad. [He leaves and gestures that the phone's now hers.] Thank you.
[D.J. leaves to go to Kimmy's party, but then realizes that the twins would be alone.]
D.J.: Okay, tonight I'm babysitting... but tomorrow is a brand new day.
[Steve waits (impatiently) for his girlfriend to come home.]
Steve: Hi, D.J.
D.J.: Steve! What are you doing here?
Steve: Oh, nothing. Just waiting around... for about three hours! I came home. We had a date, remember?
D.J.: Oh, it's Saturday! You're home from L.A.! I don't know what happened this week. I've been so busy.
Steve: Well, thanks. It's nice to know you missed me.
D.J.: I'm sorry. I've just been doing so much stuff. And I even got to hang out with Steph and Michelle. [cut to a shot of her smiling sisters] I forgot about how much I liked them.
Steve: Did you forget you had a boyfriend?
D.J.: No... but my whole life doesn't revolve around you [a lesson she learned from her dad in "Lovers and Other Tanners"].
Michelle: Yeah, it revolves round us.
Stephanie: [D.J. gives them a dirty look] Uh... we'll be upstairs if you need us. [And upstairs they go.]
Steve: You know, I know what this is about! You're just trying to get back at me for going to L.A.
D.J.: Steve, I'm not trying to get back at you! Man, you share one phone with Suzanne Somers and think you're Mr. Hollywood!
Steve: I cannot believe you're jealous of me and Suzanne!
D.J.: Jealous?! Steve... go home!
Steve: OK, I'm going home. But not because you told me to! It's because my mom told me not to be late for dinner... And I don't intend to be!
D.J.: It's nice having these talks without being in trouble.
Danny: Well, if it'll make you feel any better, I could ground you for a couple weeks.
- The episode title has a double meaning: D.J. and Steve's relationship is "on the rocks" and they discuss it while "on the rocks" of Eagle Mountain, California
- "Love on the Rocks" was a hit song in 1980
- Jesse saying "Your mission, should you choose to accept it" message to D.J. is an allusion to the tape scene from Mission: Impossible
- The mountains that D.J., Kimmy, and John go to is the same scenery where Danny goes in "The Trouble with Danny" (5.22)
- Jodie Sweetin broke her arm before shooting the episode and the producers decided to cover it up – If you look closely, you will notice she does not move her arm much; it is always at a 45-degree angle; and in a couple of scenes, you can see a flesh-colored cast on her hand