|Lovers and Other Tanners|
|Season 6, episode 5|
|Air date||October 20, 1992|
Lovers and Other Tanners is episode five in season six of Full House. It originally aired on October 20, 1992.
We find Michelle in her room, planting seeds for school, using milk cartons. Stephanie comes in and sees that there are broccoli, tomato, and pea seeds. Michelle then gets creative and decides to use some Plain/Milk Chocolate M&M's for what she calls "Dessert" seeds, to which Stephanie compares to planting a nickel and growing a money tree. Heeding those words, Michelle gets another milk carton and fills it by dumping out all her money from her piggy bank.
Danny has plans to pick up Vicky from the airport, so he asks D.J. to pick up Michelle from a Honeybee troop meeting at 4:00 pm. In the mean time, D.J. studies with Steve Hale. When they are studying, the two realize they have fallen in love.
Minutes later, Danny walks in with Vicky while D.J. and Steve are sharing a kiss and he interrupts them. Stephanie arrives shortly after with Michelle because D.J. accidentally forgot to pick her up. Danny is furious and Steve decides to leave to go to wrestling practice. As soon as he leaves, Danny unleashes on D.J., telling her that recently, she has been entirely too wrapped up with Steve (her grades are slipping at school/she forgets her priorities at home). D.J. explains that she loves Steve and he loves her. This makes Danny even angrier, saying that she is only 15 and not old enough or even mature enough to know what love is.
Feeling like her dad is not even trying to understand how mature she really is, and even feeling that he's forgetting that she is, of all things, a "young woman", D.J. snaps back, saying Danny has no right to tell her what or how to feel and who she can or can’t have those feelings for (stating it’s like her telling him that he can’t like or be with Vicky). Danny completely ignores her reason and says that all he knows is that her head has been in the clouds ever since she started dating Steve, and out of concern for his daughter’s safety, forbids her from seeing him again. However, this blows up in his face when D.J. goes ballistic, defiantly and rebelliously standing her ground, and firmly telling Danny that she will see Steve "whenever she wants" and he can’t do anything to stop it. She then bolts out of the house to find Steve, much to Danny’s shock, horror, dismay and devastation.
Danny heads to the high school where Steve’s wrestling practice is and tries to talk to him, but the only way he can get close enough is to take Steve’s wrestling partner’s place. As they wrestle, Danny tells him what has been going on.
D.J. arrives and is horrified and dismayed to find the two wrestling. Danny says that he was worried about her and demands that she come home. Going ballistic a second time, she refuses, rebelliously telling him that she's not going anywhere with him until he stops trying to control her. She even suggests staying with Kimmy, but Kimmy herself says it's a bad idea because of her smelly feet. A new fight almost breaks out between D.J. and Danny, but Steve stops them. He then sadly tells D.J. that even though he loves her, he can’t see her anymore because he does not want to come between her and her father. He kisses her and sadly walks away, leaving D.J. heartbroken, humiliated, aggravated, emotionally distressed, distraught, devastated, and shocked, all in more ways than one, because of the scene her dad created in front of her classmates.
As they leave the school, Danny tries to comfort D.J., saying he is only doing what he thinks is best for her and that she will understand that he was right when she is older. He even adds that he cares about her. However, that not only provides absolutely no comfort to her at all, but immediately turns a still-ballistic and still-rebellious D.J.'s pain and suffering into anger, and, in turn, causes her to reach both her breaking and boiling points. She lectures him by stating that all he really cares about is humiliating her and that she does not need to be older to see things clearly because she can. She also tells him that he is acting like a complete control freak as he is unfair, unkind, selfish and only cares about having his way and even making people's lives like hers miserable, with absolutely no regards for the emotions, feelings, or even opinions of others. She goes on to say that he'd better be happy that he got what he wanted and wished for, and that she hopes he's happy with what he's done to her, because she isn't, and as far as she’s concerned, he is no longer part of her life anymore; with that, she ends her lecture and hurts his feelings by telling him to stay away from her and out of her life, and to leave her alone before storming off in tears, leaving behind a hurt and distraught Danny, who is now feeling the same emotions she was earlier during their last argument in front of Steve.
Back home, a no-longer-ballistic but still-rebellious D.J. lives up to her word and alienates Danny out of her life, isolating herself in her room.
Sitting outside on the porch swing that night, a very depressed and still distraught Danny does not know what to do; he has realized that, instead of improving or even solving what he thought was a problem, he made everything even worse than it already was and instead of fanning its flames, he added even more fuel to an already burning, growing, and even spreading out-of-control fire that he has possibly made too difficult to extinguish. Vicky comes outside to comfort him and as they talk (and inspirational music plays), the two realize that they are in love with each other as well when Danny suddenly kisses her. He comments that he has not felt like this with anyone since he lost Pam and that he had forgotten what it felt like. As the music ends, this makes him realizes that D.J. and Steve really do love with each other, and that he was wrong to take something that special away from his daughter.
Danny then goes to D.J.'s room, and, after knocking on the door and being granted entrance, talks to her. Calmer heads prevail (as inspirational music plays a second time). She asks if he has found yet another way to torture her or even ruin her life and make it worse or even more miserable than he has already. Luckily and fortunately for her, he has not. This time, he mentions how much he loves Vicky in the same way his daughter loves Steve. He even apologizes for his behavior, saying that he was being unfair when he should have been trying to hear her out, and tells her that she can see Steve again, much to her joy and elation, and she is anxious to call Steve. But before she can do so, he suggests she put the phone call on hold (and not just literally, either). He also says that while he is happy that Steve is an important part of her life now, he says that Steve should not be her whole life, and that she can’t forget about her priorities at home, or her grades, or even her friends and family; in short, she shouldn't lose track of who she really is. He even jokingly adds that if she does not like a blouse, she doesn't have to wear it, unless of course, he buys or has bought it for her. D.J. apologizes too, saying she was extremely confused by the feelings she was having, and compares it to all her emotions trying to come out at the same time. Danny laughs, saying he knows that same feeling (adding he's light-hearted, his heart's pounding like a bongo, and his stomach makes him feel he's going to hurl), and they both hug (as the music ends, and the audience "aw"s and applauds).
Meanwhile, at KFLH, Jesse and Joey debut their new afternoon radio show, which is entitled the "Rush Hour Renegades". However, Jesse has a hard time because of a bad head cold, and ends up sleeping through most of the broadcast, as he took four cold pills (more than the average) to help his stuffed nose, and the pills made him drowsy.
[In the teaser: Michelle in her room with milk cartons and plants. Stephanie comes in.]
Stephanie: Hi, Michelle. What are you doing?
Michelle: I'm planting my seeds for school.
Stephanie: [reading the labels] Peas, tomatoes and broccoli.
Michelle: I'm also planting dessert.
[She takes some Plain/Milk Chocolate M&M's and puts them in an empty milk carton.]
Stephanie: M&M's? Michelle, that's like planting a nickel and growing a money tree. [she leaves]
Michelle: Good idea.
[Michelle takes out her piggy bank and empties it into another milk carton...]
Steve: You make me crazy, D.J.! I love you!
D.J.: You do?
D.J.: I love Steve, and he loves me.
Danny: What?! You’re 15 years old! You’re not in love!
D.J.: You don’t know how I feel!
Danny: I know that your head has been in the clouds. You haven’t been paying any attention to your schoolwork, and you've been neglecting all your responsibilities, like picking up your little sister.
D.J.: I said I was sorry.
Danny: Well, I’m sorry, too—because I don’t want you and Steve seeing each other anymore.
D.J.: You can’t do that!
Danny: I just did.
D.J.: Well, I don’t care. Because I’m gonna see Steve whenever I want and you can’t stop me. [exits]
D.J.: [to Danny] All you care about is humiliating me.
Danny: Hey, we’ll talk about this at home, OK? After my lungs re-inflate.
D.J.: I’m not going home. I’ll stay at Kimmy’s.
Kimmy: You might want to rethink that, Deej. My father just ran out of foot deodorant.
[After the events, a very depressed and still distraught Danny sits on the porch swing outside, as Vicky walks out and sits down with him.]
Vicky: You OK?
Danny: D.J.'s still in her room. She won't even talk to me.
Vicky: [sighs] It's a tough age.
Danny: Yeah. 15.
Vicky: I meant 35. [sighs]
Danny: Vicky, they're just kids. They're not mature enough to know what love is.
Vicky: Mature like us.
Vicky: Exactly? Danny, do we love each other?
Danny: What? Love? [she nods] Well...I don't know. I-I guess the mature thing to do would be just, you know, make a list, and then--then, analyze the situation, and just think it through objectively--
Vicky: Don't think. Just tell me how you feel.
Danny: How I feel? [She nods] Well...I feel like...There's--there's, uh, nobody else I'd--I'd rather spend my time with. And I feel like...you're the only one in the world for me. And I f-feel like...I love you.
Vicky: Oh, Danny, I love you, too.
Danny: You do? [They kiss, when suddenly...] You-you really love me? [Vicky laughs] Well, all right. [It's Danny's turn to laugh, so much so, he starts crying tears of joy, until he sighs and says...] I feel like a teenager again.
[D.J.'s spent the rest of the night isolating herself after Danny humiliated her in front of Steve. She's sitting on her bed, with her shoes on. There's a knock on the door.]
D.J. What? [Danny comes in.] Did you think of some new way to ruin my life?
Danny: Deej, something incredible just happened to me. I just told Vicky that I love her.
D.J.: Are you trying to torture me?
Danny: No. I'm trying to tell you that I understand how you feel. [cut to D.J. looking at him strangely] Can I sit down? [She moves over, so he can sit down on her bed.] Look...honey, I--I'd forgotten what it's like. I haven't been in love with anyone since your mom. It's--it's incredible.
D.J.: That's great, Dad.
Danny: Yeah. It is. And if you and Steve are feeling what I'm feeling right now, then I think it's wonderful.
D.J.: Are you saying I can see Steve again?
Danny: I guess I am. [They hug.] Truth is...Steve's a pretty good kid. He's polite. He's a good eater. He's got a darn good headlock. [rubs his shoulder from the wrestling incident earlier]
D.J.: Thanks, Dad. I can't wait to call him.
[She gets up to go over to the phone and do just that, when suddenly...]
Danny: Hold it. Hold it. Put that call on hold for a moment.
D.J.: I knew that was too easy.
Danny: Well, Deej, Steve is an important part of your life now, but he shouldn't be your whole life. You can't forget about your grades and your friends and your family. And if you don't like a blouse, don't wear it; unless, of course, I bought it for you. [D.J. laughs] I think what I'm trying to say is, just don't lose track of who you are.
D.J.: I won't. [she sits down next to him at her desk, where the phone is] And I'm sorry about the way I've been acting. It's just that I've never been in love before. It's kinda overwhelming.
Danny: Tell me about it.
D.J.: Are you kinda light-headed?
D.J.: Is your heart pounding?
Danny: Like a bongo.
D.J.: How about your stomach?
Danny: I feel like I'm gonna hurl.
D.J.: It's the best, isn't it?
The episode title is a take on the title of the 1970 comedy film (based on a play) Lovers and Other Strangers.