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Lovers and Other Tanners
Season 6, episode 5
Lovers and other tanners
Air date October 20, 1992
Writer(s) Jay Abramowitz
Director Joel Zwick
Previous Radio Days
Next Educating Jesse

Lovers and Other Tanners is episode five in season six of Full House. It originally aired on October 20, 1992.

Opening Teaser

See #Quotes.

Full House 605 Lovers and Other Tanners 007 0001

Steve and D.J. having been caught kissing

Synopsis

Danny has plans to pick up Vicky from the airport, so he asks D.J. to pick up Michelle from a Honeybee troop meeting at 4:00 pm.

Later, D.J. helps Steve with his homework. While they are studying, the two realize that they have fallen in love, which leads to a kiss. Danny then walks in with Vicky and he interrupts them (see photos). Stephanie arrives shortly after with Michelle because D.J. forgot to pick her up. Danny is furious, so D.J. asks Steve to leave. Then, Danny unleashes on D.J., telling her that recently, she has been entirely too wrapped up with Steve. She explains that she loves Steve and he loves her (see Quotes).

Feeling like her dad is not even trying to understand how mature she really is, and even feeling that he's forgetting that she is, of all things, a "young woman", D.J. snaps back, saying he can't control her relationship with Steve, just like she can't control his relationship with Vicky. Danny completely ignores her reasoning and says that all he knows is that her head has been in the clouds ever since she started dating Steve, and out of concern for his daughter’s safety, forbids her from seeing him again. However, this blows up in his face when D.J. goes ballistic, defiantly and rebelliously standing her ground, and firmly telling Danny that she will see Steve whenever she wants and he can’t do anything to stop it. She then bolts out of the house to find Steve, and indeed, her dad's too late to stop it—and her.

Danny heads to the high school where Steve’s wrestling practice is and tries to talk to him, but the only way he can get close enough is to take Steve’s wrestling partner’s place. As they wrestle, Danny tells him what has been going on. D.J. arrives and is horrified to find the two wrestling. Danny says that he was worried about her and tells her to come home, but she refuses to (see Quotes). However, Steve is tired of the daughter-father feud and decides to stop seeing her.

Meanwhile, at KFLH, Jesse and Joey debut their new afternoon radio show, which is entitled the "Rush Hour Renegades". However, Jesse has a hard time because of a bad head cold and ends up sleeping through most of the broadcast, as he took four cold pills (more than the average) to help his stuffed nose, and the pills made him drowsy.

Back at home, a no-longer-ballistic but still-rebellious D.J. lives up to her word and alienates Danny out of her life, isolating herself in her room. Sitting outside on the porch swing that night, a very depressed and still distraught Danny does not know what to do; he has realized that, instead of improving or even solving what he thought was a problem, he made everything even worse than it already was and instead of fanning its flames, he added even more fuel to an already burning, growing, and even spreading out-of-control fire that he has possibly made too difficult to extinguish. Vicky comes outside to comfort him and as they talk, the two realize that they are in love with each other as well, when Danny suddenly kisses her. He comments that he has not felt like this with anyone since he lost Pam and that he had forgotten what it felt like. This makes him realizes that their relationship's just as valuable as D.J. and Steve's, and that he was wrong to take something that special away from his daughter.

Danny then goes to D.J.'s room, and, after knocking on the door and being granted entrance, talks to her. Calmer heads prevail. She asks if he has found yet another way to torture her, ruin her life, or even make it even worse or more miserable than he has already. Luckily and fortunately for her, he has not. This time, he indeed realizes her relationship's just as valuable as his. He even apologizes for his behavior, saying that he was being unfair when he should have been trying to hear her out, and tells her that she can see Steve again, much to her joy and elation, and she is anxious to call Steve. But before she can do so, he suggests she put the phone call on hold (and not just literally, either). He also says that while he is happy that Steve is an important part of her life now, he says that Steve should not be her whole life, and that she can’t forget about her priorities at home or at school; in short, she shouldn't lose track of who she really is. He even jokingly adds that if she does not like a blouse, she does not have to wear it, unless of course, he buys or has bought it for her. D.J. apologizes too, saying she was extremely confused by the feelings she was having and compares it to all her emotions trying to come out at the same time. Danny laughs, saying he knows that same feeling, and they both hug.

Quotes

[In the teaser: Michelle in her room with milk cartons and plants. Stephanie comes in.]
Stephanie: Hi, Michelle. What are you doing?
Michelle: I'm planting my seeds for school.
Stephanie: [reading the labels] Peas, tomatoes and broccoli.
Michelle: I'm also planting dessert.
[She takes some M&M's and puts them in an empty milk carton.]
Stephanie: M&M's? Michelle, that's like planting a nickel and growing a money tree. [She leaves.]
Michelle: Good idea.
[Michelle takes out her piggy bank and empties the money into another milk carton...]


Steve: You make me crazy, D.J.! I love you!
D.J.: You do?


D.J.: I love Steve, and he loves me.
Danny: What?! You’re 15 years old! You’re not in love!
D.J.: You don’t know how I feel!
Danny: I know that your head has been in the clouds. You haven’t been paying any attention to your schoolwork, and you've been neglecting all your responsibilities, like picking up your little sister.
D.J.: I said I was sorry.
Danny: Well, I’m sorry, too... because I don’t want you and Steve seeing each other anymore.
D.J.: You can’t do that!
Danny: I just did.
D.J.: Well, I don’t care. Because I’m gonna see Steve whenever I want and you can’t stop me [leaves the house].


[After Danny wrestles with Steve at the high school...]
D.J.: All you care about is humiliating me.
Danny: Hey, we’ll talk about this at home, okay? ...after my lungs re-inflate.
D.J.: I’m not going home. I’ll stay at Kimmy’s.
Kimmy: You might want to rethink that, Deej. My father just ran out of foot deodorant.


[After the events, a very depressed and still distraught Danny sits on the porch swing outside, as Vicky walks out and sits down with him.]
Vicky: You OK?
Danny: D.J.'s still in her room. She won't even talk to me.
Vicky: [sighs] It's a tough age.
Danny: Yeah. Fifteen.
Vicky: I meant: 35. [sighs]
Danny: Vicky, they're just kids. They're not mature enough to know what love is.
Vicky: Mature like us.
Danny: Exactly.
Vicky: Exactly? Danny, do we love each other?
Danny: What? Love? [She nods.] Well... I don't know. I-I guess the mature thing to do would be just, you know, make a list, and then... then, analyze the situation, and just think it through objectively--
Vicky: Don't think. Just tell me how you feel.
Danny: How I feel? [She nods again.] Well... I feel like... there's... there's, uh, nobody else I'd--I'd rather spend my time with. And I feel like... you're the only one in the world for me. And I f-feel like... I love you.
Vicky: Oh, Danny, I love you, too.
Danny: You do? [They kiss.] You-you really love me? [Vicky laughs.] Well, all right. [It's Danny's turn to laugh, so much so, he starts crying tears of joy, until he sighs and says...] I feel like a teenager again.


[Just as their calmer-heads-prevailing talk wraps up...]
D.J.: It's just that I've never been in love before. It's kind of overwhelming.
Danny: Tell me about it.
D.J.: Do you feel kind of lightheaded?
Danny: Yeah.
D.J.: Is your heart pounding?
Danny: Like a bongo.
D.J.: And your chest...
Danny: I feel I'm going to hurl.
D.J.: It's the best, isn't it?

Trivia

The episode title is a take on the title of the 1970 comedy film (based on a play) Lovers and Other Strangers.