|Lust in the Dust|
|Season 3, episode 15|
|Air date||January 26, 1990|
|Writer(s)||Bobby Fine & Gigi Vorgan|
|Previous||Misadventures in Babysitting|
|Next||Bye, Bye Birdie|
For what seems like the millionth time, Danny has once again broken a date, and this time, he says it is because her earlobes were not the right size. D.J. and Stephanie set Danny up with Stephanie's dance teacher, Karen Penner, and when Danny and Karen go to her apartment, he sees what a mess it is, and breaks yet another date.
It turns out that Danny has been deliberately nitpicking and finding mostly trivial things wrong with his dates so that he can have a reason to cancel them, because almost three years after Pam's death, he is still hesitant about dating again. Jesse and Joey convince him to give Karen another chance.
Speaking of Jesse and Joey, they've been hard at work with their latest marketing campaign for canned sardines. Apparently, Joey tries his best at being the "spokesfish", but Jesse thinks the voice needs work because he thinks Joey's never had a sardine before.
Meanwhile, Michelle has been taking things that belong to others and hiding them, such as Joey's tape recorder, Stephanie's pen, and D.J.'s Milli Vanilli tape; latter two of which are in her room and she returns to both sisters while Jesse's "still young", while the tape recorder is located by D.J. just as she is about to have breakfast, as she discovers it in the cereal box. Joey shows off his lost possession with an angry D.J. at his side, causing Michelle to say "Aw, nuts!".
In the meantime, Jesse is really late for an important rehearsal with his band because his keys are missing, and he needs them so he can start his motorcycle and open their rehearsal hall. After the older girls say that they have not seen them, Michelle is accused of taking and hiding Jesse's keys. D.J. asks him if he has an extra set of keys, and he sarcastically says that if he had, he "wouldn't be at the mercy of a 3-year-old"; by this point, he is "growing a beard" (impatient). When she shows him a set of plastic colored keys and asks if he is happy now, he sarcastically says that he would be if he was "driving a Fisher-Price Harley", and so he decides that they had better retrace every step that she took in the house. When she tells him that the last place she went after she was downstairs was to the "potty" when the "potty" is upstairs, Jesse realizes that this is going to be a long day as the search for his keys continues. And indeed that long day would only get longer, as Michelle can only giggle as he carries her out of his room and downstairs.
Later, the interrogation continues in the living room, where D.J. simply asks Michelle to just come clean, once and for all, and to just plain reveal where she hid Jesse's keys; they (as in all 3, or even all 4 of them; Michelle included) really—and badly—want to move on with the rest of their lives, put the whole mess behind them, and pretend it never even happened. When Michelle still insists she didn't hide the keys, D.J. resorts to two rounds of "tickle rockets", but neither of those work. Then, Stephanie presents Michelle with a Popsicle, and allows her to take a lick—and only a lick (not a bite)—then she must come clean and tell them where the keys are before she can even take a bite and have the rest. Jesse comes downstairs, remarking that he's looked in every room and trash can, still having no luck and still accusing Michelle of the crime. Everything is resolved when Joey comes home with a bunch of sardine cans in hand from their new project and points out that Jesse left his keys in the front door. Jesse apologizes to Michelle for thinking she took his keys, Michelle forgives him, and Stephanie allows Michelle to have the rest of her Popsicle.
Then, later, after another chat with Danny and Joey regarding tonight's events, Jesse heads off to his rehearsal...but once again, he can't find his keys, but this time the Popsicle-eating Michelle has them, for real, and hands them over after hiding them under her booster seat. Then, with a quick "Hey Michelle, look! Big Bird!", he takes a bite out of her Popsicle when she isn't looking.
Joey: Danny, you're making yourself nuts looking for the perfect woman. There’s no such thing as ‛the perfect woman’.
Danny: Yes, there is. I was married to her.
Jesse: Hey, Pam was my sister, and I loved her very, very much. But, come on, man. She was always late, she spent way too much time in the bathroom. When I was little, she used to hold me down and stick carrots up my nose. Trust me; she wasn’t perfect.
The episode title likely came from the 1985 film Lust in the Dust.
Goof: When Jesse says goodbye to Joey because he has to go to his rehearsal, Jesse has his black bag in his right hand and his keyboard case is in his left, but in the next shot of Jesse, his items are in opposite places.