|Season 1, episode 21|
|Air date||April 29, 1988|
|Previous||The Seven-Month Itch (Part 2)|
|Next||D.J. Tanner's Day Off|
Joey's mother has found an old $5,000 savings bond in her safe deposit box, and the savings bond has Joey's name on it. When Joey receives the money, he starts spending it left and right. At the same time, Danny tries to collect an 11-year-old debt from Joey: on March 12, 1977, in Palm Springs, Joey's car broke down yet again, and Danny lent Joey his last $800 (in cash) to get the car fixed, and now that Joey has come into enough money, Danny asks Joey to fork over $800 of it in order to cover the debt, leading to a feud between Danny and Joey.
Meanwhile, Jesse is working as an Elvis Presley impersonator in order to make some extra money which is so that he and the Rippers will be able to record a demo, but he does not want the family to know. Of course, when they do eventually find out, they support him anyway, and they decide that he should have the money for his demo tape and everything else for the gig. But ultimately, it is decided, that Danny should take the money. And in the end, the situation between Danny and Joey is also resolved as well. So much so, Jesse has gifts for the two of them: Danny and Joey each get a lifetime pass to the Great American Amusement Park, and Joey gets Danny an antique pinball machine, a 1964 Gumby and Pokey pinball machine, that is. Danny takes it a step further, and decides to use that $800 in cold hard cash to get Joey a closet organizer and a savings bond of his own.
In addition, the girls get gifts as well: D.J. gets Bruce Springsteen concert tickets, Stephanie a new bicycle, and Michelle a new toy lawnmower.
[We open the episode in the living room, where Stephanie practices her show-and-tell.]
Danny: We're ready whenever you are, Steph. Practice your show-and-tell.
Stephanie: Hi, boys and girls. My name is Stephanie Tanner. For show-and-tell today, I brought something cuddly, cute and adorable. May I present my little baby sister, Michelle Tanner. Michelle is a baby. Her hobbies are drooling and babbling. Under here is her diaper, which I'm not allowed to change. But I've seen people do it and it's gross. Any questions? [D.J. raises her hand] Yes, little girl?
D.J.: Does Michelle have a big sister who's really cool?
Stephanie: Yes, she does. Me.
Danny: That was wonderful. Steph, if I had a gold star, I would stick it right to your forehead. Jesse.
Jesse: Hi, guys. Bye, guys.
Danny: Wait a minute. Jess, for the past five days, you've been sneaking in and out of this house carrying that blue bag, with not one word of explanation.
D.J.: Uncle Jesse, it's driving me crazy. Just answer one question. Where do you go with that blue bag?
Stephanie: Out where?
Jesse: Outside. And that's two questions. Goodbye.
Joey: Hello. I love everyone. I love you and you and you and you and you. [In order: Jesse, Danny, D.J., Michelle, and Stephanie]
Jesse: 'I love you and you and you.' What's the matter with you?
Joey: Nothing. I got a call from my mom this morning. She found an old savings bond of mine in her safe deposit box. And I now have 5,000 'founding fathers'. Yes!
Jesse & D.J.: All right!
Joey: Yeah! Presents for everybody. Danny, get Michelle.
Danny: All right.
Joey: Okay, you're first, my little toddlerette. Here you go! A little baby lawn mower. Oh, mow yourself silly. Now, if you're real good, next year you get the little baby weed whacker. Okay, D.J., you're next. I'm afraid all I have for you is just two brightly colored pieces of paper.
D.J.: Thanks. Oh, thanks! This is so rad! Springsteen tickets! Yeah--
Jesse: Hey, good seats. Need a date?
D.J.: Maybe. What's in your bag?
Jesse: Nice try.
Stephanie: Me next! Me next!
Joey: Well, I'm sorry, Stephanie but all I have for you is a brand-new bicycle!
[And said gift is waiting outside.]
Danny: Joey, you really shouldn't have.
Stephanie: Yes, he should. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
[She starts pedaling all around the living room, and it soon moves into the kitchen.]
Danny: Wait a minute, Steph. No riding in the house. Hold on. Steph!
[We cut to the kitchen, where Stephanie is still riding non-stop.]
Joey: Come on, we'll try it out in the backyard.
Stephanie: I can't stop, open the door.
[He does, and she safely goes outside, because she almost hits the staircase on her way out. In any case, she is able to safely make it outside, as Joey closes the door.]
Joey: Okay, guys, don't go away. You got presents coming too.
Jesse: All right! Thank you. I'm through with that. Thanks. Man, I hope Joey gets me a new motorcycle. That would be cool.
Danny: I already know what Joey's getting me.
Jesse: What's that?
Danny: Eight hundred dollars in cash.
Jesse: Whoa, nice chunk of change. Why?
Danny: Well, 11 years ago, I loaned Joey $800 to fix his car. But he hasn't had the money to pay me back until now.
Jesse: Better get it fast.
Danny: I don't want Joey's money. The fact that he's finally paying me back is such a beautiful and touching gesture. That's why I'm gonna give the $800 right back to him.
Jesse: That's the most generous, stupid thing I've heard in my life.
[D.J. and Michelle are alone in the living room, when suddenly D.J. gets an idea...]
D.J.: I don't care what's in the bag. No! I shouldn't do it, should I, Michelle? What if...? [she gets a cookie from the cookie jar] Look, Michelle. I've got a cookie. Yeah, you want the cookie? They're yummy. Want some cookie? Yeah. [she tempts Michelle] Come get the yummy cookie. The cookie accidentally jumped into the bag. Go find it! Unzip the bag, Michelle. Let's see what's in there. Never mind the cookie. Get the zipper open. Let's see what Uncle Jesse's hiding in there. You found it!
[the two get caught]
Jesse: May I help you?
D.J.: She did it.
Jesse: Shame on you, Michelle. You don't wanna grow up and be a nosy busybody, do you? Your punishment is to give me one kiss. Come on, one kiss.
D.J.: Thanks for trying, Michelle.
[Joey emerges from the kitchen.]
Joey: Guys ready for your presents?
Danny: Oh, yeah. I've been ready for 11 years.
[He gives them a couple of envelopes, and the contents inside are enough to knock them both off their feet.]
Joey: Here you go. Jess and Danny.
Jesse: Thank you. [he opens his envelope up] All right! A pass to the Great American Amusement Park.
Joey: A lifetime pass. All right, Danny, open yours.
Danny: Actually, I already kind of have a hunch what you got me. [he opens his envelope up] A lifetime pass to the Great American Amusement Park?
Jesse: Hey, we can double. See you, guys.
Joey: See you. Danny, wait till you see the pinball machine I bought.
Danny: You bought a pinball machine?
Joey: A genuine 1964 Gumby and Pokey pinball machine. And the beauty part about it, I picked it up for a mere 1,275 bucks.
Danny: Joey, this is why you're always broke. Every time you have a nickel, you blow it.
Joey: Hey, come on, lighten up. [raspberry]
Danny: Joey, wait a minute. Have you ever considered doing something with your money besides just throwing it away?
Joey: Like what?
Danny: Like putting it in a savings account. Or buying a T-bill, paying off your old debts, investing....
Joey: Wait. Hold on. Back up. You said old debts. Danny, I don't have any old debts. Be serious. Who'd be stupid enough to lend me money?
Joey: Oh, yeah. That's a good one. When did I ever borrow money from you?
Danny: Palm Springs. March 12, 1977. Your car blows up...again. As usual, you're broke, so I loan you my last $800.
Joey: Oh, my God. Danny, I completely forgot. Why did you wait 11 years to say something?
Danny: I was gonna give you two more years.
Joey: Danny, look. Here, just take the money back, with interest. Take the whole ball. [he gives him the savings bond]
Danny: I don't want it. All I wanted was for you to offer. [he gives him back the savings bond]
Joey: Oh, sure. That's why you brought up paying off debts. Here. [he tosses it back]
Danny: Joey, I want you to invest it. [he tosses it back]
Joey: I am. I'm investing it in getting you off my back.
Danny: Off your back?
Danny: I don't want it. [he tosses it back]
Joey: I don't want it either. [he tosses it back, and it soon becomes a game of toss-and-catch with Joey's cash]