|Season 1, episode 21|
|Air date||April 29, 1988|
|Previous||The Seven-Month Itch (Part 2)|
|Next||D.J. Tanner's Day Off|
Then, Jesse enters the house holding a blue gym bag. It seems he's keeping some secrets from the family, as he won't reveal what's in the bag.
After that, Joey enters the house with some really good news: his mother has found an old $5,000 savings bond in her safe deposit box, and the savings bond has Joey's name on it. When Joey receives the money, he starts spending it left and right.
He starts with some gifts for the girls: D.J. gets Bruce Springsteen concert tickets, Stephanie a new bicycle, and Michelle a new toy lawnmower.
At the same time, Danny tries to collect an 11-year-old debt from Joey: on March 12, 1977, in Palm Springs, Joey's car broke down yet again, and Danny lent Joey his last $800 (in cash) to get the car fixed, and now that Joey has come into enough money, Danny asks Joey to fork over $800 of it in order to cover the debt, leading to a feud between Danny and Joey.
Back in the living room, D.J. is still curious about what's in Jesse's bag. So much so, she tricks Michelle by dropping a cookie into the bag and having her find it, to which both girls are caught. Jesse says Michelle's "punishment" is to give her one kiss, and that's exactly what happens.
Meanwhile, Jesse is working as an Elvis impersonator in order to make some extra money which is so that he and the Rippers will be able to record a demo, but he does not want the family to know. Of course, when they do eventually find out, they ask what he's wearing under his bathrobe. And when they find out it's obviously an Elvis costume, they support him anyway, and they decide that he should have the money for his demo tape and everything else for the gig. When Joey comes in and sees Jesse in his Elvis costume, he laughs his head off as he leaves.
The family goes out to see the show that night, which starts out with a Marilyn Monroe impersonator (which D.J. mistakes for Madonna), with Jesse's Elvis act following. It starts off with "Heartbreak Hotel", and ends with "An American Trilogy" (with the act eliciting applause from the crowd and the studio audience). That night, the girls do their own Elvis impersonations as they sing "Heartbreak Hotel" the minute they get home (with their impersonations eliciting audience applause). Danny sends the "junior Elvi" upstairs to bed, with D.J. remarking, "Elvis has left the living room!" as she and Stephanie head on up to get their shuteye. The Marilyn impersonator comes by to have a chat with the Jesse impersonator, and it seems he can't get enough of her. As usual, the fight over who deserves Joey's cash continues.
The next day, Joey tries to make a ham and cheese sandwich, but Danny doesn't think he's making one maturely. He says that a clean knife should be used. The reason is obvious: he sees Joey "washing" the knife he was just using in plain water only, then wiping it on his pants (eliciting an "Eww!" from the audience in addition to the laughter). He teaches Joey to use a clean knife each time he spreads mayo and mustard on each slice of bread and alternate when doing so, and then alternate between ham and cheese. In any event, Danny makes two sandwiches: one for him and one for Joey. Joey insists that Danny is the most predictable person he has ever met. He knows what Danny's going to do before he does it. Of course, what he didn't predict was Danny calling him out for still watching cartoons at the tender age of 30, despite the fact that that's what led to him being a comedian in the first place. So Joey comes up with the most appropriate comeback ever, using a classic proverb: "Sticks and stones may hurt my bones, but names will never hurt me."
But Joey is still scared to take the money back. Danny calls him for being such a baby, and Joey digs into his "comeback bag" again by imitating Pee-Wee Herman and saying, "I know you are, but what am I?" And so they decide to settle this dispute just like when they were kids back on June 22, 1979, and arm-wrestle; loser keeps the cash. But before they can decide, Jesse still isn't sure he should take the gig, and they decide he should do it for both money and fun.
Danny and Joey reminisce on their friendship (as the inspirational music plays) and realize that it is their differences that keep them together. Joey realizes Danny was there for the money, and Danny realizes Joey was there to help raise the girls. And in the end, the situation between Danny and Joey is also resolved as well. So much so, Jesse has gifts for the two of them: Danny and Joey each get a lifetime pass to the Great American Amusement Park, and Joey gets Danny an antique pinball machine, a 1964 Gumby and Pokey pinball machine, that is. Danny takes it a step further and decides to use that $800 in cold hard cash to get Joey a closet organizer and a savings bond of his own. The argument over what Joey should get with that money continues (as the audience applauds and the EP credits appear).
[In the kitchen, Stephanie is riding her new bike non-stop.]
Joey: Come on, we'll try it out in the backyard.
Stephanie: I can't stop, open the door.
[He does, and she safely goes outside, because she almost hits the staircase on her way out. In any case, she is able to safely make it outside, as Joey closes the door.]
Joey: Okay, guys, don't go away. You got presents coming too.
Jesse: All right! Thank you. I'm through with that. Thanks. Man, I hope Joey gets me a new motorcycle. That would be cool.
Danny: I already know what Joey's getting me.
Jesse: What's that?
Danny: Eight hundred dollars in cash.
Jesse: Whoa, nice chunk of change. Why?
Danny: Well, 11 years ago, I loaned Joey $800 to fix his car. But he hasn't had the money to pay me back until now.
Jesse: Better get it fast.
Danny: I don't want Joey's money. The fact that he's finally paying me back is such a beautiful and touching gesture. That's why I'm gonna give the $800 right back to him.
Jesse: That's the most generous, stupid thing I've heard in my life.