|Middle Age Crazy|
|Season 2, episode 10|
|Air date||January 6, 1989|
|Writer(s)||Lawrence E. Hartstein & Richard H. Rossner|
|Previous||Our Very First Christmas Show|
|Next||A Little Romance|
Middle Age Crazy is episode ten of season two. It originally aired on January 6, 1989.
Michelle is in her room blowing bubbles with the guys. About a minute later, she leaves, and D.J. comes in and reminds them that they shouldn't be playing until "you've finished your homework". Apparently, the girls are playing "House" in the guys' roles. They say they have finished their homework, so as soon as she leaves and the coast is clear, they get back to their bubble-blowing fun.
Stephanie knows it is not easy being the middle child. The way things are going, Stephanie thinks that D.J. and Michelle are getting all of the attention, and she herself is getting left out. Jesse and Joey are working on a jingle until they start helping D.J. with a science project, after they ignored Stephanie's request for them to watch her break a hula-hoop record. Danny is trying to videotape Michelle for Wake Up, San Francisco, ignoring Stephanie's request for him to watch her break the hula-hoop record that she also wanted Jesse and Joey to watch her break, and even worse, all three of them are ignoring the fact that she learned "I Write the Songs" in school that day.
Later that day, while in her and D.J.'s room (despite the camera zooming up on the wrong window, see Goof and Quotes below), and using the cassette player with microphone (that she and D.J. share), she records the aforementioned song for Mr. Bear to hear; but, of course, with him being a stuffed animal and not being able to "listen", and her being ignored over D.J. and Michelle, she stops and says that her heart's not in it, eliciting groans from the audience. And with everything else that's been going on, those words have never been any truer than they are right now, and her heart's definitely not in it, as she feels that Mr. Bear's also more interested in D.J. and Michelle. She sits on her bed and dreams about herself as an astronaut returning from Mars (wearing a pink space suit rather than white). In her dream, she hopes that that will get everyone's attention; but again, the guys taping Michelle for Wake Up, San Francisco and D.J.'s grand "red carpet" entrance for getting the mail all by herself (and getting her "royal welcome" and "royal treatment" to boot, complete with robe, crown, and scepter) all pretty much sum up her life as a middle child...depressing. And to make matters worse, when she starts flying to demonstrate her being an astronaut, Danny asks her to wipe the top of the mantle while she's up in the air. That elicits a "How rude", which, at the dream's end, becomes "How very rude."
Stephanie has had enough, and she believes that the only way she will get out of this situation is if she is not living at home anymore, so she decides that she wants to marry her friend Harry. Their friends have a mock wedding ceremony, complete with the works.
Then, the guys and D.J. come to their senses and realize how bad they have made Stephanie feel. And when she tries to leave, Joey and Jesse carry her back into the living room, with her (literally) in the middle of them! Then, everyone explains why being in the middle is good, giving two good examples: the bologna in the middle of a bologna sandwich (excluding any toppings and condiments), and the creme of an Oreo cookie, which, after dunked in milk, does not ruin the creme's flavor. They explain that she has a big sister and a little sister, and that whatever mistakes they made raising D.J. they don't have to make on her. However, those two examples from earlier lead D.J. to remark that she's the soggy part of the sandwich (the 2 pieces of bread) and the throw-away part of the cookie (the 2 chocolate layers). As the inspirational music plays, Danny reminds her that sometimes, her sisters will need the guys' attention. That's not to say that she is going to be neglected, but sometimes they will be too busy with the other two girls to focus on her. If she ever needs anything, she can come to them. So Stephanie decides to put the "marriage" on hold, and stay with her real family. With that out of the way, everyone hugs her individually, even D.J., and Stephanie even hugs Michelle, at which point the music stops.
Afterwards, Danny decides to record his three daughters in the video. And, Stephanie treats everyone to her hula-hooping, which she finally breaks the record of 100 with 103, and starts singing "I Write the Songs", at which point everyone else joins in (after which the audience applauds and the EP credits appear).
- The first episode in which Stephanie utters her recurring phrase "Well, pin a rose on your nose"
- The episode is referenced in the Fuller House episode "War of the Roses", where Stephanie (who is still referring to Harry as her husband after all these years) has a flashback, complete with archival footage, as she recounts the "wedding" to Becky
- Additionally, Harry (in Fuller House) repeats his childhood line "holy mattress money" (a mistake on "holy matrimony") when he tells Stephanie he is getting married for real
- Goof: In one scene, the camera zooms up on the window of Michelle's room, but then cuts to D.J. and Stephanie's room.