|Misadventures in Babysitting|
|Season 3, episode 14|
|Air date||January 12, 1990|
|Writer(s)||Shari Scharfer & Julie Strassman|
|Previous||No More Mr. Dumb Guy|
|Next||Lust in the Dust|
In the living room, Joey shows a sunglasses-wearing Michelle a sunglasses-wearing plant that dances to music, and she responds, "No way, José!". To demonstrate, he turns on his boombox, and the plant starts dancing. Michelle brings a potted plant over to join the dancing plant, but it being a potted plant and all, it's stationary. She tells the plant, "Hey you, wake up!", and Joey replies, "I think he's a wallflower", but he makes it dance, nonetheless.
D.J. wants her own phone because having only one phone in a house with five other people is driving her crazy. When Danny sees her and Kimmy talking to each other in the same room (that being her and Stephanie's room), Kimmy notes that there are plans out there that include such things as call waiting, and he wishes she had "friend waiting".
After he isn't willing to give it to her, she is willing to pay for the new phone number herself, but she needs a way to earn money, so she takes a job babysitting Brian Kagan, a little terror who really takes a toll on her. He tries everything he can to get his own way, from tossing a vase until it hits the floor and smashes and then pinning the blame on her (she actually catches it before it can do so), to stealing her purse and threatening to drop it in the fish tank (unless she gives him half her pay to be his friend and shaves her head), until Kimmy arrives to help out. After he fears the presence of "Kimmy Gobbler", she threatens to kiss him unless he drops the purse, so he has no choice but to do so (but not in the fish tank, however). He then runs upstairs threatening that both girls haven't seen the last of him, with D.J. asking Kimmy why she didn't tell her beforehand that they'd be babysitting a "baby Godzilla".
With D.J. out babysitting, Stephanie becomes Michelle's babysitter. All attempts fail, including tempting Michelle with playing "Sleeping Beauty" and giving her a cookie if she behaves (not knowing that Michelle already had one with her). When Michelle tries to hide in the laundry basket and cover herself up in an attempt to make Stephanie believe she's disappeared, Stephanie sees right through this and literally has to drag the laundry basket—and Michelle—out of the kitchen and upstairs to bed.
The guys are having a five-card draw poker game in the kitchen, and Becky and Jesse can't agree on where to spend Christmas. Jesse wants to spend Christmas at Graceland in Memphis, Tennessee, Elvis Presley's home (now a National Historic Landmark), but Rebecca wants she and Jesse to spend Christmas in Nebraska with her family. They compromise and decide to spend Christmas in Rebecca's hometown, and New Year's in Memphis.
During their game, Michelle walks downstairs and sees them playing. Stephanie follows, and she explains to Danny that she can't get her younger sister to go to bed, even after asking her directly. So it's up to Jesse to get her to "go night-night" as he and the guys put their heads on the table and pretend that they're sleeping, with Jesse's poker buddies, Steve and Paul, following a second later per his orders. Michelle asks where their pajamas are, and Stephanie says, "Under their clothes", as she leads her sister out of the kitchen and back upstairs.
Meanwhile, Brian, squirting off his water gun in a last-ditch effort to thwart off his enemies, ends up getting his head stuck in the railing of the stairs in his house, and D.J. and Kimmy butter his head in an effort to get him out, but it fails. Kimmy then takes her shoe off and asks Brian to smell her feet, but the odor freaks him out, and when D.J. spots this, she tells her best friend the obvious: "It won't help if he passes out."
Danny leaves the poker game when D.J. calls him about it. He arrives just in the nick of time, helps get Brian's head out of the railing by sawing off a piece of it (just as his parents, Michael and Joyce, get home), and decides to let D.J. have her own phone line because she did the right thing by calling Danny for help when she needed it, instead of trying to handle the situation on her own, like she has in the past.
The next day, as the roommates are doing their homework, D.J.'s phone rings, and on the other end is Danny, and he has a surprise for her, but it is one that's obvious by now: he is calling her on her very own phone line! Stephanie is also excited as she reveals that D.J.'s phone number to us is 555-8722, but she kept it a secret from the rest of the family. Danny, of course, realizes that his oldest daughter needs to hold her end of the bargain if he holds his: She can have the phone – so long as she pays for it. And with the babysitting job she just took, she should have no problem...as long as it does not take her away from her other priorities, such as school. Danny realizes that his "little girl" is growing up, and soon boys will be calling her day and night. But just as she receives what she thinks is her first phone call on the new phone line, the phone call instead goes to Stephanie, as her friend Walter is on the other line. Of course, D.J. is suspicious, because Stephanie says that she did keep the new number a secret – from her. Stephanie can only blab to Walter on D.J.'s phone (as the audience applauds and the EP credits appear).
[As D.J. heads upstairs to continue her phone call with Kimmy, Stephanie grabs the phone.]
Stephanie: This is the major pain speaking. HOW RUDE!
Danny: Jess, I've been a pretty regular guy tonight, wouldn't you say?
Jesse: Yes. Actually, I'm quite proud of you.
Danny: In that case, there's something I'd like to say before I leave. [turns to Steve] You, sir, are a chimney! Not only are you ruining your own health, you are ruining the health of innocent people all around you. [turns to Paul] And you, sir? You should take a drive through a car wash without your car.
Danny: Brian, sticking your head through these railings was a very dangerous thing to do. I'm gonna have you out in a minute, okay? So don't move.
Brian: Where am I going?
D.J.: I'm sorry, Dad. I really blew it. I guess I'm not ready for babysitting... or my own phone... or anything.
Danny: It so happens I'm very proud of you.
D.J.: [surprised] You are?
Brian: [also surprised] You are?
Danny: Yeah. D.J., sometimes when you've been in trouble before, you've tried to handle the situation yourself and you ended up making things worse. But tonight, you showed good judgment and you asked for help right away. That's exactly what a good babysitter would do.
- The first episode where Kimmy takes her shoe off, and thus, her foot odors are exposed
- The first time both older girls are babysitters, and the first time Stephanie babysits Michelle by herself
- The second time Kimmy is addressed as "Kimmy Gobbler" (the first being last season's "Tanner vs. Gibbler")
- The episode title is a reference to the film Adventures in Babysitting