|Nice Guys Finish First|
|Season 6, episode 9|
|Air date||November 24, 1992|
|Writer(s)||Jamie Tatham & Chuck Tatham|
|Previous||The Play's the Thing|
|Next||I'm Not D.J.|
D.J. comes into her former room, and asks Stephanie if she knows anything about the whereabouts of a missing pink sweater; namely detailing the fact that the former roomie is in love with it, has always wanted it, she's been talking to Michelle about it, and it's not in D.J.'s closet. When Stephanie says she hasn't seen it, right on cue, Stephanie's current roommate walks in and models said sweater despite the fact that not only does it not fit her; it's too big. She asks if pink looks good on her, to which both her older sisters look at her, surprised. Stephanie says someone owes her an apology, D.J. says someone owes her a sweater, and Michelle says someone had better get out of there. Knowing she's busted, she does so while still wearing the sweater, as D.J. gives chase.
The episode begins with Danny and D.J. coming home from what she calls "another stimulating driving lesson", as they drove around the block for the "zillionth time". Danny praises her on good use of the mirrors (rearview and side view), parallel parking, and always remembering to signal; however, he says that she needs to work on U-turns, her yields are shaky, and he does not like the way she defrosts. This means he does not think that she is ready for the freeway—at least not yet.
Meanwhile, Joey is scheduled to play in the Bay City Charity Foundation ice hockey game for the Celebrity All-Star hockey team at the Iceoplex on Saturday, but that is still a few days away. On "Rush Hour Renegades", Jesse and Joey welcome Hershel Binkley as a guest on the show. Hershel owns Giant Binkley Used Cars, and he will be the goalie for the opposing team that the Celebrity All-Star team will be playing against. There is also something else about Hershel: Joey recognizes Hershel as "Stonewall," which is Hershel's nickname.
Fifteen years ago, while Joey was in college, he was playing in a championship hockey game, and his team was down by one goal with one minute left in the game. Joey attempted a shot that would have tied the game, but Stonewall stopped the shot from allowing Joey to score. That absolutely humiliated Joey in front of his family and friends, and now Stonewall is looking forward to humiliating Joey again, having history repeat itself, and giving Joey his Waterloo.
As the family sets the table for dinner that night, D.J. says that Danny is being unfair as she notes that Kimmy's dad let her drive on the freeway, to which Danny remarks, "And he brought her back?" Becky says that D.J. will do just fine on the freeway so as long as she avoids rush hour. As they eat, and despite everyone else convincing him otherwise, Joey decides to not play in the game, because he does not want to face Stonewall again. Everyone is shocked at that decision, and Becky says that Joey is not the confrontational type and that everyone has their own way of handling things. She points out that the night before, when the family went out to eat and Jesse got a bug in his salad, he did not make a big fuss about it. He kept right on eating as if it was nothing, and Joey thought it was a bacon bit.
The next day, Joey and the family head to the Iceoplex to do some ice skating just for fun, though Jesse, admitting he had not skated since he was a kid, does not fare too well, not even in a game of "crack the whip" (see Trivia) in which D.J. says that they "might've put a little too much crack in that whip" when he goes flying into the wall with a smack that knocks him out cold. Stonewall shows up and harasses Joey by saying that he wants to humiliate him again because he could "live off of that" for another 15 years. As Jesse tries to get up (saying Binkley would be in trouble if he did), and Danny asks Binkley if his life is so pathetic and empty that he has to live in the past (as he still is, apparently), Joey loses his temper. He decides to play in the game, angrily breaking a hockey stick over his knee to demonstrate his point that Binkley is going down and going down hard.
On Saturday (game day), D.J. is excited that Danny is letting her drive to the game on the freeway, but he thinks they should discuss the lanes one more time: Far-left is the "entirely-too-fast" lane, middle is the "still-much-too-fast" lane, and far-right is the "geeks-and-nerds" lane. After that, Steve shows up, and he decides he wants to be there for her "first merge". She asks, "Isn't he romantic?", and then they kiss (as the studio audience gives an "aw").
On the way to the game, D.J. ends up getting a ticket while driving herself, Danny, and Steve; they all mention that the cop who gave her the ticket did not know that she was driving too slow, as she was driving 23 in a 55 mph zone, which was well below the limit.
At the game itself, Becky joins her husband for the play-by-play. Over the first two periods, Joey is not doing well at all, but the game is still tied with four goals apiece. In the third period, after a pep talk with Michelle during the second intermission, he starts playing like he is on fire. As time expires in the third period, Joey gets tripped during a breakaway, and he is given a penalty shot attempt. With the family cheering him on, and Michelle giving him a "thumbs up", what happened 15 years ago does not repeat itself; as this time, Joey makes the game-winning shot, getting even with Stonewall, and giving him his Waterloo. His teammates and his family come down to the rink to celebrate with him, and he hoists Michelle atop his shoulders, as the crowd (and audience) applauds his long-awaited victory (which continues as the EP credits appear).
[In the teaser, D.J. enters what was her and Stephanie's room and has been Stephanie and Michelle's room since last season, just as Stephanie finishes making her bed.]
D.J.: OK, Steph, where's my sweater?
Stephanie: Good morning to you, too!
D.J.: I want my pink sweater.
Stephanie: What pink sweater?
D.J.: The one you're in love with, the one you've always wanted, the one I heard you talking to Michelle about, the one that's not in my closet.
Stephanie: Oh, that pink sweater. Sorry, haven't seen it.
[Right on cue, Michelle walks in wearing said sweater, which obviously does not fit her and is way too big.]
Michelle: Excuse me, do you think this color look good on me? [She models the sweater.]
Stephanie: I think someone owes me an apology.
D.J.: I think somebody owes me a sweater.
Michelle: I think someone better get outta here! [She does so while still wearing the sweater, as D.J. gives chase.]
- The episode title is a play on the phrase "Nice guys finish last" (which is not really true, but unfortunately a lot of people believe that you have to be mean to get ahead)
- Everyone participates in "Crack the Whip" in this order: Joey, Danny, Stephanie, Michelle, Becky, D.J., and Jesse
- Hershel Binkley's nickname "Stonewall" is a reference to Civil War general Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson
- Becky saying "Do you believe in miracles?" is a reference to the famous quote made by Al Michaels during the "Miracle on Ice" hockey game (1980 Lake Placid Winter Olympics)
- Goof: In the dinner scene, just before the cut to the kitchen, the camera zooms in on the living room window