|Ol' Brown Eyes|
|Season 4, episode 15|
|Air date||January 11, 1991|
|Writer(s)||Ellen Guylas & Boyd Hale|
|Next||Stephanie Gets Framed|
Danny and Joey are playing Go Fish, when Michelle shows them her skipping abilities as she sings. Danny praises her, but he notices that one of her feet did not join in the skipping, so he demonstrates the proper way to do it. But Joey says that Danny skips like the Tin Man, and asks him to "put some oil in those joints". They all try it when Jesse comes downstairs, and they explain the situation to him. He tells his "little Munchkin" that if she wants to be hip, "skip the skipping. Work on the strut." She follows suit.
D.J. organizes a sold-out benefit concert at The Smash Club to raise money for a new computer for her school, and Danny will be the host of the benefit show; in addition, Jesse asks they clear out by 9 p.m. so the mud-wrestling pool can be put in, though Joey suggests Jell-O would've been a better choice. D.J. quickly arranges for Jesse and Joey to lend their musical and comedic talents to the event, and the speed of those decisions is not lost on Danny. Feeling that he is not the kind of "cool dad" that D.J. might respect more at her age, Danny wants to sing a song at the benefit in order to prove to D.J. that he is cool.
Meanwhile, Michelle has learned to play the game hot and cold. However, she takes it too far when she hides Becky's wedding ring (which Jesse had given to Joey in order to send it to an engraver) in a cookie jar. Joey must find it, unaware that Jesse has already found the ring in the first place. Jesse wants Elvis lyrics inscribed until Joey tells him how they charge (see Quotes).
Becky then wants to take Jesse out for a day of "no-whining" tuxedo shopping, and adds an ultimatum: They either buy a new tuxedo, or they keep the one he's got but they rip the cobra off the back (see Quotes).
Upstairs, Joey asks Stephanie to tell him where Jesse's wedding ring is, and she doesn't know where it is either. But when Michelle enters the room and tries to play Hot and Cold with Joey, he figures that she is the culprit (see Quotes).
Danny tries to look like a rock star by wearing a heavy-metal T-shirt, leather jacket and pants, and sunglasses. Jesse does not think that looks right on him. When D.J. comes home from school with Kimmy and sees him performing with Jesse and the Rippers in the living room. She tells Danny that if he does that at the benefit, she would be so humiliated that she will never be able to show her face in school again. In addition, her friends, who planned to be there, will also most likely turn against her.
Danny and Jesse go into the kitchen and talk about their own experiences as teenagers, and both feel the same way D.J. does now. Danny then heads upstairs to talk to D.J., while Jesse heads over to the cookie jar on the kitchen table, and when he opens it up, inside is the long-lost wedding ring.
Upstairs, Kimmy is shocked that D.J. will not attend the benefit concert that she organized herself. And as he enters, Danny asks for a minute alone with his oldest daughter, so her best friend leaves for a minute or two. D.J. then points out she overheard his conversation with Jesse downstairs. But even though Danny tells her that he won't be singing after all, now she feels guilty for hurting his feelings. As he leaves and opens the door, what he does not know is that Kimmy used a glass to eavesdrop in on their conversation. She tells D.J. that she no longer has to worry about changing schools.
In the kitchen, the "hot and cold" game continues as Michelle leads Joey to the cookie jar, where she says he has found the ring. But, the only "ring" is a cookie with a hole in the center, and he is not giving it to her until she reveals the location of the real ring. She says that it is in the cookie jar, but he tells her it is not there. They then turn it into a "follow the leader" game. Jesse sees them and figures that their game means they are looking for the wedding ring. He reveals that he has it, and that he found it in the cookie jar. So Michelle gets her cookie (see Quotes).
As the family also attends the benefit concert that night at the Smash Club, D.J. apologizes to Danny, and tells him to "bust a move". He does a good job of it, and D.J. smiles proudly and gives him a hug, and everyone else heads out to sing and dance on the floor.
[In the kitchen, Stephanie teaches Michelle a game. Michelle has her eyes covered as Stephanie hides her doll.]
Stephanie: Okay, Michelle. We're playing the Hot and Cold game. Try and find your doll.
[Michelle walks all around.] You're cold. You're getting colder. [But Michelle's too busy walking towards the kitchen table where the cookie jar sits.] You're a Popsicle. You're a Popsicle at the North Pole. [But she's still not listening.] Michelle, the colder you are, the further you are from the thing you're looking for.
Michelle: I know how to play. I just want a cookie. [She opens the jar and finds a cookie or two, as Stephanie just sighs and rolls her eyes.] Now, where were we?
[Jesse and Joey walk downstairs, as Jesse asks Joey a favor.]
Jesse: Joey, I gotta rehearse with the band. Can you take Becky's wedding ring down to the engraver?
Joey: Sure, no problem.
Jesse: Took me a week, but I found the perfect inscription: 'Wise men say, only fools rush in. But I can't help falling in love with you.'
Joey: Jess, just so you know: They charge by the letter.
Jesse: Okay. Why don't we just make it 'Love Me Tender'?
[Becky and Danny enter the living room.]
Becky: Hey, Jess. [She gives her fiance a kiss.] Are you ready for a day of 'no-whining' tuxedo shopping?
Jesse: [whining] I told you, I already found the perfect tuxedo!
Becky: And I told you, I am not marrying a man wearing a tuxedo with a leather cobra on the back!
[While all the grown-ups are proud of D.J. putting together a fundraiser, Danny's the proudest.]
Danny: Deej, come here. I gotta tell how proud of you I am for putting together this little fundraiser for your school newspaper. It seems like only yesterday when I was powdering your little tushie.
D.J.: [noticing all the others] Dad, please!
Danny: Sorry. [He then picks all the lint off her sweater.]
D.J.: Dad, please don't pick my lint.
Danny: Sorry again.
[Michelle enters the living room.]
Michelle: Who wants to play 'hot and cold'? [They all groan at it and leave.] I heard that.
Joey: I gotta go work on my act.
Becky: I gotta rip the cobra off Jesse's tux.
Jesse: I gotta stop her.
Danny: I gotta get down and get funky.
[After the coast is clear, she finds Jesse's wedding ring.]
Michelle: They'll wanna find this! Ha ha. [And she takes it with her to hide it.]
[In her room, Stephanie is having some fun with Comet before she starts her homework. She first plays a game of catch with him.]
Stephanie: Good boy, Comet. You're such a smart dog. [She pets him.] Up on the bed. You can help me with my homework. [He hops onto her bed and she uses him as a "pillow" as she starts her homework.] Thanks, Comet.
[Joey comes in.]
Joey: Steph, please tell me you know where Jesse's wedding ring is.
Stephanie: I would if I could, but I can't.
Joey: I'm supposed to take it to the engraver, and I can't find it. Jesse's gonna kill me.
Stephanie: Ooh, I can just see that vein in his forehead throbbing, his neck turning red, his eyes bugging out! Can I be there when I tell him you lost it?
[Michelle enters in.]
Michelle: Who wants to play hot and cold?
Joey: Not now, Michelle. I have to find Jesse's wedding ring.
Michelle: You're very cold.
Joey: You took Jesse's wedding ring?
Michelle: You're getting warmer. [He glares at her, but all she can do is giggle.]
Danny: I never told you this, but I used to sing with The Partridge Family.
Jesse: You did?
Danny: Yeah... until my mom made me shut it off and do my homework [at which point the drummer does a rimshot/cymbal crash].
[Danny and Jesse & the Rippers are rehearsing in the living room when D.J. and Kimmy enter the house. D.J. is not happy.]
D.J.: Dad, what are you doing?
Danny: Oh, uh, I’m busting a move... and my shoulder.
Jesse: [takes microphone from him] Give me that.
Danny: Honey, I wanted to surprise you. I’m gonna sing this at your fundraiser.
D.J.: You were gonna do that in public? All my friends will be there.
Kimmy: You mean your former friends.
Jesse: All right now, girls. [to D.J.] Your dad has a very good voice. Just need to tie him down to a chair, that’s all.
D.J.: Dad, you can’t do this to me. I’ll never be able to show my face in school again.
[After embarrassing D.J., Jesse and Danny feel they need a minute alone in the kitchen.]
Jesse: You alright?
Danny: Jess, who am I kidding? This isn't the real me. [He takes the jacket off, and then looks down at the skull T-shirt.] This isn't the real me, either. [He wants to take that off too, but...]
Jesse: Whoa, oh, oh! I don't want to see the real you.
Danny: You know, I thought singing that song ["My Generation"] would show D.J. that I could be cool.
Jesse: Ah, don't feel too bad. At 14, your dad's never cool.
Danny: You know, that's true. I remember when I was a kid, I was playing football with all my friends, and my dad came out. He wanted to prove he was one of the guys. He threw me a pass, and all I could think was 'Oh, no! My dad throws like a girl!'
Jesse: When you're a teenager, things so much worse than they really are.
Danny: No, my dad really did throw like a girl. The pass only made it halfway. Had to tell my friends that he hurt his arm in the war.
Jesse: So, now you know how D.J. feels. Can you imagine if your dad threw that sissy pass in front of the whole school?
Danny: Yeah, but what I'm doing isn't nearly as bad as what he did to me. [Until Jesse gestures about the shirt.] You're right, it's worse. At least my dad never wore a grinning skull.
[As he heads upstairs to talk to his daughter, his brother-in-law locates the lost-long wedding ring in the cookie jar.]
[Joey and Michelle play the 'follow the leader' game so she can have her cookie. Then, who should interrupt their little game?...]
Jesse: What are you guys doing?
Joey: [bumping his head under the table] Ow! Hi, Jess. We're just playing 'follow the leader'.
Jesse: Oh, yeah? Looks like you were looking for something.
Joey: We weren't looking for anything.
Michelle: We were looking for a ring.
Joey: Thanks for reminding me, Michelle. I plum forgot.
Jesse: What ring? Would it happen to be this ring [showing off the wedding ring that they were searching for all along]?
Joey: [after he and Jesse have a laugh-fest] Where'd you find it?
Jesse: [as he angrily snaps the ring's case shut] In the cookie jar.
Michelle: That's what I told you. [She reaches into Joey's coat pocket for the cookie he was going to reward her for her honesty.] Maybe next time, you'll listen. [She leaves with cookie still in hand.]
Joey: You want a cookie?
Jesse: I'll 'cookie' you!
The episode title "Ol' Brown Eyes" is taken from Frank Sinatra's nickname "Ol' Blue Eyes".