|Our Very First Night|
|Season 1, episode 2|
|Air date||September 25, 1987|
|Previous||Our Very First Show|
|Next||The First Day of School|
Our Very First Night is episode two of season one, which originally aired on September 25, 1987.
Joey and Jesse attempt to change Michelle's diaper yet again. While they have improved since their previous attempt (see episode 1), when they attempt to dress the infant for bed they fail, leaving Danny to dress his daughter himself (see Quotes).
Stephanie pays a visit to Jesse's room, and is surprised to see the changes he has made to what used to be her room (see Quotes). Joey comes in as the "Sandman Express" and, using a harmonica as a train horn, chugs her all the way to her and her sister's room.
Later, Stephanie and D.J. are put to bed after hearing a "scary fairy tale", that is basically a combo of the girls' favorite characters. The three men have plans for that night. When the guys are all leaving home at one time, Danny explains that there has to be at least one adult in the house while the kids are there, giving his reason that his job actually makes any money. Jesse is stuck being the adult that has to stay with the kids. While Danny is at work at the TV station and Joey is doing his comedy slot at The Laugh Machine, Jesse decides to have his band practice at the house. Stephanie and D.J. think that Jesse is the easy one to trick, so they try to take advantage of his leniency by copying what Jesse does, staying up late with him by ordering a pizza, eating sweets late, partying with the band, and even asking a band member to dye their hair purple. This causes Jesse to get in trouble for not managing the kids and being a responsible adult. Joey comes home from doing his comedy slot and joins in on the fun, leading everyone into a conga.
When Danny comes home from work, before Jesse starts to explain what happened, Danny notices everything that is going on and does not like the whole situation. Before they can even escape or hide, he begins to scold D.J., Stephanie, Joey, and Jesse. All Joey can do is declare his innocence by saying that he was doing the conga when Danny walked in (see Trivia). Before D.J. can explain, Jesse cuts her off and lies to Danny, taking the blame. After his rant, he realizes that Jesse and Joey do not know a whole lot about raising kids, and decides that he needs to teach them how to be more serious about being more parental, making sure to set the kids' bedtime and that the guys are being responsible adults while he is gone.
Suddenly, everyone hears Michelle crying, and the guys head up to her room and find that she's getting a new tooth. Danny then asks Joey to go get him a teething ring so he can soothe her pain, but Joey can't find one, so he gets a carrot instead.
However, when Danny notices empty ice cream sundae bowls and chocolate milk cartons under the table in the girls' room, he realizes that it was actually the girls' idea—though he makes the pretense that he thinks Jesse let the kids eat it all and then hid the evidence under the table. He then feigns threatening to call the police on him to bring out the truth. Stephanie and D.J., not wanting to see their uncle be in trouble—let alone jail—tell Danny that they were the ones who caused him trouble and apologize to Jesse for lying. After that, Danny sends them off to bed, threatening to sell everything in their room if they do not. The girls say goodnight. Danny then takes Michelle and tries to sing a lullaby to make her sleepy (see Quotes), but when he can't remember the words, Joey can't help but start another conga (as Jeff Franklin's EP credit appears), as Danny leads by carrying Michelle to her room (and the camera cuts to the hallway, the audience applauds, and Thomas L. Miller and Robert L. Boyett's EP credits appear).
- Judie Aronson as Raven
- David Wakefield as Pizza Man
[Danny is dismayed by Joey and Jesse's effort to dress Michelle for bed.]
Danny: OK, I got the girls in--
Jesse & Joey: [as they show off their efforts] Ta-da!
Danny: Gentlemen, Tarzan, who was raised in the jungle by apes, went to bed in better shape than that baby.
Jesse: Big deal. You're talking about a guy who wore diapers his entire life. [See Trivia.]
Danny: I really appreciate the effort, but I'll take it from here.
Jesse: Oh, yeah, sure, now that all the work is done. Good night, Michelle.
Joey: [in his best "Michelle" voice] Good night, Uncle Jesse. Next time you see me, I'll have a big surprise for you. I don't care how many diapers I have on. Ha ha ha ha ha.
Danny: Give me my kid.
[Joey and Jesse leave the room shaking hands.]
[Stephanie enters Jesse's room (her former room).]
Stephanie: What happened to my room?
Jesse: Looks pretty cool, huh? Look at this. I'm hanging Elvis up right here [a poster over her pink bunny wallpaper].
Stephanie: Over my bunnies?
Jesse: Well, Steph, your bunnies are very uh... pink.
Stephanie: My mom made those bunnies just for me. Don't you like them [with her pouty face]?
Jesse: [rips the poster down] These bunnies. I love these bunnies. I'm sure Elvis had bunnies hanging all over Graceland.
[Danny comes in.]
Danny: Okay, it's riddle time. What has blonde hair, purple pajamas, and is up way past their bedtime?
Stephanie: Uh, Elvis?
[After Joey and Danny leave, D.J. and Stephanie come downstairs and walk past Jesse undetected.]
D.J. & Stephanie: Hi, Uncle Jesse [as they go into the kitchen].
Jesse: Hi, girls. Girls, hey girls! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Girls, girls! Aren't you supposed to be in bed, dreaming about Tweety Bird, or Big Bird, or Larry Bird or something?
D.J.: Uncle Jesse, if we get hungry, Dad always makes sure we have a late-night snack.
Stephanie: We're gonna have ice cream sundaes and chocolate milk.
D.J.: And cookies.
Jesse: Freeze, chick. All right. I know. I'm pretty hip, here. You guys think I'm a, I'm an idiot or something? [The girls look at each other and Stephanie makes a face.] Let me tell you something. I know what's going on here. Your dad's gone, and it's 'let's take advantage of the babysitter' time. Well, I got news for you, girls. Your Uncle Jesse's a little too sharp to be taken on that kind of ride. Now you guys can have ice cream and chocolate milk. No cookies.
D.J.: [covers Stephanie's mouth] Okay.
[In D.J. and Stephanie's room, their little table has messy ice cream and chocolate milk cartons all over it. Stephanie is jumping the rope that D.J. turns, tied to her bed.]
Stephanie: [singing] Z, my name is Zippy And my husband's name is Zorro. We come from San Francisco With a carload of zebras. A, my name is Alice--
D.J.: That's enough jump rope. Let's do the hand-jive.
Stephanie: Okay, but I can't stop jumping. I may never sleep again. [D.J. is able to stop her from jumping.] Thanks.
D.J.: [to Stephanie] Two bowls of ice cream sure gives you a lot of pep, huh?
Stephanie: Does pep mean you can't blink?
D.J.: That's pep. [hearing music from downstairs] Party time.
Stephanie: [to the band] Do you guys do any Bangles stuff?
[Joey has just come home from his comedy gig, and yells...]
Joey: Conga! [And that's what everyone does, when suddenly, Danny comes home. He is not happy at what he sees, as Joey turns his attention to Jesse.] Boy, are you gonna get it.
[After the break...]
Danny: Attention, Solid Gold farm team. It's 12:15 [to D.J.] and your hair is purple. [to Stephanie] Get down! ...and I don't mean 'get funky'. [See Trivia.]
[The girls are getting ready for bed.]
Stephanie: Uncle Jesse's the best babysitter we ever had.
D.J.: Yeah, but I think he's in big trouble. [They then hear a knock, and know that it's their dad.] Get into bed. [They both jump into D.J.'s bed.] No, no. Your bed! [Stephanie does so, as D.J. runs and hits the light switch. Then they pretend to be asleep, with D.J. even fake snoring.]
Danny: [opens their door and turns the lights on] Girls? Are you awake?
D.J.: Dad, is that you?
Stephanie: Is it morning?
Danny: D.J., Stephanie, please come over here right now. Girls, we have a problem with Uncle Jesse.
D.J.: Oh, no, Dad, we didn't have any problems with Uncle Jesse at all.
Danny: I'm sorry. He was just so irresponsible. [looking under the table] What is this? Uh-oh. Empty bowls and empty cartons. [sarcastically] Oh, now I see what happened. Uncle Jesse forced ice cream sundaes and chocolate milk down your throats – and then he hid the evidence under your table. Oh, the sick fiend. He probably ignored you when you told him no sweets after bedtime, huh?
Danny: No 'probably' about it, because otherwise you'd be lying. And you know better than that, don't you?
Danny: Well, that does it. I guess asking Uncle Jesse to move in here was a big mistake. In fact, this may be a matter for the police. Now, sweet dreams, my perfect little angels.
[The girls head over to Jesse's room.]
D.J.: Uncle Jesse?
Jesse: Whatever it is, the answer's no.
D.J.: We just wanted to say thanks for trying to keep us out of trouble. The only reason we took advantage of you was because you had no idea what you were doing.
Stephanie: From now on, we'll be good and do whatever you say.
D.J.: Steph, don't get crazy. [to Jesse] We'll try to do better.
Stephanie: You can cover up my bunnies if you want.
Jesse: That's all right. Your bunnies are growing on me.
Stephanie: We really love you.
Jesse: Well, I love you girls too. But next time you pull that stuff on me ... I'm still gonna love you.
Danny: Okay now, either you girls go to bed for real or I'm taking everything out of your room and turning it into a 24-hour mini-mart.
D.J.: Good night, everybody.
Stephanie: Good night, Daddy. Good night, Michelle. Good night, Uncle Jesse.
Danny: [to Stephanie] Good night, honey. [to Jesse] Hi.
Danny: Want a piece of pizza?
Danny: [attempting to sing Brahms' Lullaby] Lullaby and good night. And there's more words I'm not sure of...
Joey: Conga! [And the guys do just that, as they carry Michelle to her room.]
- The first episode after moving to Friday nights
- The only time the girls together lie to, and take advantage of, Uncle Jesse
- Jesse says that Tarzan "wore diapers his entire life", which is not true; he wore a loincloth when he lived in the jungle
- Songs played by the band:
- When Stephanie is standing on a guitar amplifier, Danny tells her, "Get down! And I don't mean 'Get funky'", is a reference to the phrase "Get down and get funky", used in the disco era (late 1970s to early 1980s)
- "My name is Joey, and I'm a conga-holic" is a take on "My name is __ and I'm an alcoholic", which is what's said at Alcoholics Anonymous meetings
- For this episode's end credits only, the third image is the back shot of D.J. and Stephanie fishing with Danny at Fisherman's Wharf (the second is always the front shot), as the camera zooms out
- In the Nick@Nite version, the scene where D.J. and Stephanie ask Danny if he wants pizza was omitted