|Season 4, episode 11|
|Air date||December 7, 1990|
|Previous||Terror in Tanner Town|
|Next||Danny in Charge|
Danny invites Cindy and Rusty to a family barbecue. Cindy brings her semi-homemade apple pie over, saying that she could not wait to share it with them. Unfortunately, when Danny discovers one piece already eaten, he realizes that someone else couldn't wait either—and that “someone else” is none other than Rusty himself, and of course, his mom is none too happy about it (see Quotes).
Meanwhile, D.J. has fallen for Ricky, the paperboy, who asks Danny to pay. He gives Ricky a $20 bill, but Ricky does not have any change, so he decides to come back later for it, but D.J. gives him another dollar for a tip and a "Toodeloo" for a goodbye. That causes Rusty to make kissing sounds and pretend that the two are in love, at which point D.J. asks him to "Grow up!" Danny remarks to Cindy that they're fighting like brother and sister, at which point the kids look at each other and go "Ew!"
In any event, that gives Rusty the idea for his latest prank. Upstairs in D.J. and Stephanie's room, he type-writes a love letter, and plans to make D.J. think it is from Ricky. He then enlists Michelle's help to deliver the fake love letter to D.J., but then finds out the hard way that a 3-year-old is not always the best person to get for a job like that, even after bribing her with a bright, shiny new penny. She finds the penny bribe to be "cheap" and says he can do much better than that, and asks him to give her a nickel instead, and he does so. She then mentions that what he's doing is making her lie, and he decides it'll be more fun to give her another nickel and does so.
The prank backfires when Michelle gives the letter to Stephanie instead, and tells her that the letter is from Rusty. Then Cindy comes in and asks Stephanie to go get an air freshener for the backyard, because, in Danny's words, the backyard's not "woodsy enough". Then Joey comes up, saying that he wants to do the laundry, but Cindy says she will take the laundry to her dry-cleaning business and get it all washed, dried, and ready to go. He mentions that he left a note in there for her (which elicits an "OH!" from the studio audience). Becky comes in with a bowl of Jell-O for the feast, which she points out has not gelled yet, and Danny jokes, "Don't worry. We'll tell everyone it's lime soup." He then asks her to take a look at some notes for tomorrow's Wake Up, San Francisco that will affect them both and to tell her how he feels (which brings another "OH!" from the audience). He notes that he will put out soup bowls and croutons for the Jell-O. Then, Jesse comes home from a supermarket trip, hoping he found the right kind of pickles for the BBQ. He says that Danny wanted low-sodium gherkins, but hopes Danny likes dill pickles instead. He and Becky kiss as she hides the note in a book, saying that it is a notice to Kimmy for a library book that is a month overdue. At that moment, Kimmy comes downstairs and asks Jesse to go pick up a copy of "Teen Hunk" for her. He refuses, and has a surprise for her, that being her "overdue library book". As he heads into the kitchen, Michelle asks what she can buy with two nickels, and he tells her the obvious: "A dime." After reading the love letter, Kimmy asks Michelle to be nice to her, for if she marries Jesse, she will have to be called "Aunt Kimmy". Michelle can only say "No way, José!" (done twice; once in her voice-over, once in her own voice). As Jesse heads back out to buy more things for the BBQ, he picks up the note. He can't believe it, and neither can Michelle (whose voice-over says that she's got to learn to read).
Back in reality, Jesse asks his "little Munchkin" to get Danny and Joey over here. He asks one of them to go back to the store with Becky and get some gherkins and anything else they need. Danny eventually changes his mind and decides to call "Pickletown" since they deliver, to which Joey says they'll be here in "30 minutes or less or your pickles are free!" Kimmy tells Becky no matter what, she'll always want them to be friends, and Becky accepts.
Upstairs in her room, Michelle is sitting in her rocking chair reading "Dr. Seuss's ABC" (her voice-over saying that she'll read if it kills her to do so), when Rusty comes in and asks if the mission is complete, and it is, though in her words, "Everything went bananas!" But everything will go even more bananas than that! Michelle's voice-over remarks that she's going to need a lock for her door to keep creeps and freaks, like Rusty, out.
Across the hall in their room, Stephanie tells D.J. that she can't believe that Rusty would write her a love letter. D.J. is shocked and grossed out about this, but Stephanie is even more shocked and grossed out. She notes that Rusty is two years older than her, and is also a complete "cootie-burger" and she wants to dump him, but her sister stops her and says that maybe she'll talk to him because he might have feelings. They decide against this with a simple "Nah!", thinking he probably won't have any feelings.
Just at that moment, Rusty comes in and is met with Stephanie's trademark: "How rude!", as she leaves the room. Then, D.J. sits him down on Stephanie's bed and has a talk with him about love, dating, and girlfriends. She understands that he is ready for a girlfriend, but the fact is that if he is going to get one, he has to get one that is either as old as him or even older, but not younger. In addition, that girlfriend has to be more mature, and she does not think Stephanie is mature enough – at least not yet. That talk is interrupted by Danny calling everyone into the kitchen to get ready for the BBQ. As they all line up and bring out the food, he leads them into singing "Love Train". Then, when they line up and get their food as the cookout is underway, Becky shows Danny the letter that she had in her sweater pocket as she went out to shop again. Then Danny puts the letter in Michelle's cap.
Through a humorous chain reaction, Cindy believes that Joey loves her, Becky believes that Danny loves her, Kimmy believes that Jesse loves her, Jesse believes that either Danny or Joey is in love with Becky, and Danny and Joey both believe that Becky loves them (all done in voice-over narration), and Comet hopes somebody dropped a hamburger (see Trivia).
Finally, ironically fooled by his own prank, Rusty believes that D.J. loves him. Then after everyone calms down, Michelle takes off her cap and removes the love letter. Jesse immediately grabs it from her, saying that someone had to have typed the note. This results in all-out mayhem that involves everyone, as they all have been victims of the prank.
As soon as Jesse calms everyone down, Michelle replies that she knows who the "suspect" is, and after he asks her to name the culprit, she reveals to them that Rusty did it, hoping to make D.J. think it was from Ricky. Rusty accuses Michelle of lying, but his mom sees through this trick (just like she saw through the "green shampoo in Danny's hair" trick last time and the pie trick from the start) and forces him to admit it, which he does.
In any event, D.J. isn't happy with the "little rat", and neither is everyone else. All Rusty can say is that it was pretty funny (maybe to him, but not everyone else), and asks if they can take a joke. Apparently, they can take a joke, but they also plan to teach him that there are good jokes and bad jokes. And what he pulled, from that to the pie trick, and all the pranks in between that he pulled last time, fall under the "bad jokes" category. Michelle tells him, "You're in big trouble, mister!", and indeed he is.
He takes off running back into the house, and they all (including Comet and excluding D.J.) give chase, at which point Ricky comes back and gives D.J. the rest of the change. As everyone else is chasing Rusty back out of the house, she invites him to some food and tells them that "they're just working up an appetite", that is, an appetite to make Rusty pay for all the aggravation, emotional distress, and pain and suffering he's given them lately.
Both are glad that Ricky came back, as her voice-over gives an "Oh, Mylanta!" Of course, the "lovebirds" pay no attention to the ongoing Rusty chase (as the audience applauds and the EP credits appear).
Cindy: Here is my semi-legendary homemade apple pie.
Danny: Oh, I can smell it from here. I can’t wait. [He takes a closer look at the pie, which has one piece already eaten.] Apparently, someone else couldn’t wait, either.
Rusty: Sorry, Mom. It was a long car ride.
- The second time that Comet speaks (as voiced by Dave Coulier); the first was in "Good News, Bad News"
- The episode was based on the 1985 film Secret Admirer, starring Lori Loughlin
- Goof: In the teaser, Jesse dumps out all of the cookies out of the cookie jar that Michelle has eaten the middle out of (which is every cookie), but you can clearly see that some of the cookies still have white creme in them (look towards the bottom-right of the pile to see one)