|Stephanie Plays the Field|
|Season 4, episode 22|
|Air date||March 8, 1991|
|Previous||The Hole-in-the-Wall Gang|
|Next||Joey Goes Hollywood|
In the kitchen, while Michelle is having fun with her coloring book, Danny has returned home from a trip at the supermarket and asks her to help put away the groceries. She hides one of them under her shirt and tells Danny they're all put up. Unfortunately, he has his shopping list, and could've sworn that he bought a package of chocolate chip cookies (in particular, Chips Ahoy! Selections), and he tells his "Little Princess" that she knows better than to have cookies before dinner, and asks her if she knows where they could've gone. She asks if they're "Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip" as described on the label, and he says they are. They both have a hunch that the "Cookie Monster" took them, but surprise, surprise, the only "Cookie Monster" who could've taken them was Michelle. She knows she's busted, but he still has a little fun with her anyway, reminding her it's just as wrong to hide cookies under her clothing as it is to have them before dinner.
Danny is the head coach of the Giants, a local little league baseball team. Stephanie has fallen for Brett Davis, a star player from a rival team called the Cubs. That makes Stephanie want to join the Giants, and her surprisingly good pitching makes it easy for her to become a member of the team. However, getting Brett to like her seems to be even harder than playing against him, so she and D.J. head upstairs to their room to have a talk about how to do this (see Quotes).
But 4-year-old Michelle does not seem to understand why they want to be alone with the door locked. When she asks to play with Jesse, he says they played in her room, and she wants to play in their room. However, he plays a quick game of "airplane", and flies her out the door (see Quotes).
Then, Michelle storms over to Joey's room and asks why Jesse and Becky want to be alone. He, who is trying to do his taxes, explain that they want some privacy, saying that they're "trying to do their taxes". So they both go over to the attic and explain the situation. Michelle, too mad to explain the situation, has Joey do it for her (see Quotes). Becky decides they can set aside some special time to be with her. Then, Joey, who has to still do his taxes, has his own words turned against him! He and Michelle depart, and Jesse re-locks the door.
Outside, Danny, Stephanie, and Rusty are practicing a few catches, when Danny brings up Stephanie wanting to try out. Rusty remarks that she likes baseball because Brett does, even remarking she can't throw. But Stephanie proves him wrong with just one throw and it lands in his glove and causes some pain in his hand and Danny to reprimand him for his choice of words about her (see Quotes). Then comes the batting practice, and that gives Danny an idea: She can pitch for the Giants.
The next day is game day, and everyone is excited, as is Michelle, who Danny picked to be bat girl. Michelle, however, comes downstairs to the kitchen wearing a Batman costume (thinking she's Batgirl, see Quotes). He reminds her of what her real job is, but still lets her wear the cape. Then, D.J. tells Stephanie that "Brett-Brett, Brett-Brett" is here. He shows her his baseball bat, which has "ST" with a heart drawn around it on the hitting end. After he leaves, Danny asks her to eat her breakfast. Stephanie is not sure about the pressure put on her. But Danny, who also does not want any more pressure put on her than she already has, assures her that with every pitch she throws, she is doing the best she can.
In the upcoming game, the Giants are scheduled to play against the Cubs, so Brett tells Stephanie to take it easy and not throw the "Tanner Twister" (a name for her pitch dubbed by Rusty, a member of her team) whenever he is at bat, because his father will be at the game videotaping, and Brett does not want his father to see him get outdone by a girl. The rest of the family is also there, including Joey, who's covering the play-by-play. After Brett hits a home run off of Stephanie, she can't bring herself to throw the rest of the game for Brett.
In the top of the 5th, with a runner on 3rd and the score tied 1-1, Stephanie comes up to bat. But even with a hit, she's out at 1st. Jesse isn't happy with the call and argues with the umpire, and Becky ushers them back to their seats, even bribing him with a snow come for behaving (see Quotes). Danny, however, agrees with the ump.
In the bottom of the 6th and last inning of the game, the score is 2-1 in favor of the Giants. With runners on 2nd and 3rd and 2 outs, coming up to bat is Brett. She throws the first two strikes, and he shows the "ST"-drawn heart on his bat, thus leading her to call a timeout.
That timeout is a pep talk from D.J., where she must decide between true love or self-respect. That means she must decide between either Brett hitting the game-winning run, letting her team and herself down, and becoming the goat (true love)—or striking him out and letting him down, winning the game, and becoming the hero (self-respect). Heeding those words and taking that advice, she strikes him out for the third and final out of the inning, thus making her the game's hero, as Brett can only throw down his batting helmet in frustration. Final score: Giants 2, Cubs 1.
Later that day, as she sits outside on the porch, Stephanie pets Comet, saying that next time he sees her liking a boy to talk her out of it. Fortunately, when Brett comes by to see her, he understands why she did what she had to do, and admits that he should not have asked her to go easy on him at the game. She decides to take him inside to watch sports, but as she goes in, Comet barks. She replies to him that she was just kidding on her comment to him.
[In the Tanner kitchen, Stephanie, D.J., and a boy walk in.]
[Stephanie closes the door on D.J., right in front of her face.]
D.J.: Hey! [She opens the door and walks in.]
Stephanie: Oh, sorry, Deej. I didn't see you.
D.J.: I've been following you for three blocks. How come you didn't say 'hi'?
Stephanie: I did.
D.J.: This... [waves her hand in a shooing motion] is not saying 'hi'.
Danny: Steph, I see we have company. Aren't you going to introduce us?
Stephanie: Oh, sorry, Dad. [dreamily] This is my Brett. [snaps out of it and back to reality] I mean, my friend Brett.
Danny: Hi, I'm her dad.
Brett: Nice to meet you.
Danny: Nice to meet you, too.
[D.J. and Stephanie continue their chat once they enter their room.]
Stephanie: Boys would always chase me and I never really cared, but whenever I'm with him, my heart goes 'Brett-Brett, Brett-Brett'. How do I get him to be my boyfriend? What do I do? What do I say? What should I wear? Maybe I should change my hair color.
D.J.: Steph, get a grip. All you need to do is hang out together. What do you both like?
Stephanie: Well, we both like the pork and beans in the cafeteria. And we both like to pick out that cube of fat that's always in it.
D.J.: There's a love connection. Now, keep thinking. What else does he like?
Stephanie: Brett loves baseball.
D.J.: Well, you're good in sports. Why don't you try out for Little League? You know you can be on Dad's team.
Stephanie: Brett and I could talk about baseball all day! Deej, you're a genius.
D.J.: Of course, I'm an experienced woman.
Stephanie: It's amazing that a woman with your experience doesn't have a boyfriend.
D.J.: Well, I'm playing hard to get.
Stephanie: Oh, well, you're doing a really good job.
[Jesse and Becky kiss while Michelle walks in.]
Michelle: Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Katsopolis (see Trivia).
Jesse: Oh goodie, Michelle's here.
[He hits the remote, pulling the bed back into the wall.]
Michelle: It's time to play.
Jesse: Michelle, we already played down in your room.
Michelle: Now we can play in your room.
Becky: Michelle, your uncle Jesse and I, well, we'd sort of like to be alone.
Michelle: [looks around the room] We are alone, silly.
Jesse: Alright, Michelle. You want to play a game? Let's play 'airplane', OK?
Jesse: Alright! We've been cleared for takeoff. [He picks her up and soon they're off.] And she's up, and here we go. There's no peanuts, there's no movies, but there's plenty of room for landing outside the door! Thanks for flying Air Katsopolis. Have a nice day. [He locks the door and turns his attention back to his wife.] Now, where were we?
Michelle: [outside the locked door, jiggling the doorknob] Hey, you locked me out!
Jesse: Good night, Michelle. We'll see ya in the morning.
Michelle: Fine, I'm leaving! But you're going to miss me!
[Michelle has just had a not-so-pleasant chat with Joey about her aunt and uncle, so both of them head over to the new room.]
Joey: Jess, Michelle has a big problem. [He sets Michelle down.]
Jesse: Yes, Michelle? What's your problem?
Michelle: You tell him, Joey! I'm too mad!
Joey: Well, Michelle thinks you don't have time to spend with her anymore.
Michelle: I'm madder than that!
Joey: [to Michelle] Oh, sorry. [angrily to Jesse] Have you no decency?! (see Trivia) All this sweet little girl wants to do is spend some time with her aunt and uncle who she loves. Is that too much to ask? I think not.
Michelle: [calmer] Much better.
[Danny, Stephanie, and Rusty are practicing outside in the backyard.]
Danny: Steph, honey, I know you like hanging out with your dad, but do you really want to try out for Little League?
Stephanie: Dad, I've done some serious thinking, and I've decided that baseball is my life.
Rusty: You just like baseball because Brett likes baseball. I bet you can't even throw.
Stephanie: I can too!
[She fires a pitch into Rusty's glove, which causes some pain in his hand.]
Rusty: Ow! Whoa, this babe's got an arm!
Danny: Hey, my daughter is not a babe. But she does have an arm.
Danny: Michelle is so excited. I told her she could be bat boy at the game today. [Michelle comes downstairs to the kitchen wearing a Batman costume.]
Michelle: Daddy, I’m here.
Danny: [laughs] Michelle, you’re not fighting crime. You’re handing out baseball bats.
Michelle: Aw, nuts! Can I still wear the cape?
Danny: Sure, sweetheart.
[Jesse's not happy with the ump's call after Stephanie gets tagged in the 5th inning.]
Jesse: She was safe by a mile! Who's paying you to throw this game? You got a kid on the team? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?
Becky: Jess, don't make a scene.
Jesse: Danny, do something. That was the worst call I have ever seen in my life!
Danny: Jess, I was standing right there. She was out.
Jesse: Oh. Then why don't you get us better seats? I can't see a thing from where we're at.
Becky: Stay in your seat, and I'll buy you a snow cone.
Jesse: I like cherry.
Joey: Once again, a reminder. Family members are prohibited from coming onto the field and embarrassing themselves and their loved ones.
[In the backyard, after the game...]
Stephanie: Comet, the next time you see me liking a boy, talk me out of it.
[Brett stops by.]
Brett: Hi, Steph.
Stephanie: Brett, what are you doing here?
Brett: I kind of forgot to say, 'nice game'.
Stephanie: Thanks. I'm sorry for striking you out, but the team was counting on me.
Brett: I understand. If I were you I would have struck me out too.
Stephanie: Really? You're not mad at me?
Brett: No. I'm lucky you're not mad at me. I should never have asked my girlfriend to cheat for me.
Stephanie: I'm still your girlfriend? All right! I mean, that's cool. So what do you want to do now?
Brett: I don't know. Do you want to go inside and watch the 'Sports Channel'?
Stephanie: Sounds good to me.
[Stephanie and Brett head inside, as Comet barks.]
Stephanie: Comet, about me not liking boys anymore, I was just kidding.
- Ironically, the Giants are the Major League Baseball team in San Francisco, while the Cubs are one of two MLB teams in Chicago. Both teams are in the National League
- D.J.'s soda can of "Fountain Do" is an obvious take off on Mountain Dew
- Joey saying, "Have you no decency?" may be a take on the quote directed to Senator Joseph McCarthy at the Army hearings against him: "At long last, have you no sense of decency, sir?"
- The only time when Jesse and Becky are addressed formally by a fellow family member