|Take My Sister, Please|
|Season 5, episode 3|
|Air date||October 1, 1991|
|Writer(s)||Dennis Rinsler & Marc Warren|
|Next||Oh Where, Oh Where Has My Little Girl Gone?|
In her room, Michelle seems to be having a big problem with her hiccup control, so Jesse comes to help her. After he jokingly asks her to flap her arms like a chicken and wiggle her eyes like Groucho Marx, he says the real cure is to take a sip of water and say his catchphrase of "Have mercy!" Unfortunately, it doesn't work. Then he tries "the cure recommended by the New England Journal of Medicine: He scares her with a small tickle, but she can't control her hiccups. Apparently, despite him saying he was just playing with her, she walks out of her room to tell Danny.
A panoramic sweep of the Golden Gate Bridge (from the closing credits) is followed by a zoom-in to the window of D.J. and Stephanie's room, with D.J. studying with her classmates, Kimmy and a boy named Rick. Unfortunately, what happens next will cause tensions to rise and a dramatic change from this point on.
When Stephanie enters, she greets Rick with many puns (see below), sits down at the one remaining chair at the little table, and props up her feet and makes herself comfortable. When D.J. sees this, she and Kimmy carry Stephanie and her chair out of the room and slam the door, leaving Stephanie to say the usual "How...rude!"
Once she gets back in, that big mouth of hers doesn't seem to want to stop, and it costs D.J. a potential date with Rick. As a result of that, and the constant snooping on her phone calls, reading her diaries, and violations of the two rules set in the series premiere (namely she always has to remind Stephanie to keep her stuff on her own side of the room in addition to not setting foot on D.J.'s side nor can she touch D.J.'s stuff), D.J. herself has had enough and is absolutely fed up with Stephanie.
As everyone gathers in the kitchen, D.J., using a PowerPoint-style presentation called "My Own Room: Together We Can Make it Happen", petitions the guys to let her have her own bedroom – something she has not had in four years. In addition to the point of "Two Different Worlds" of her and her sisters (see below), is the point of "Interruptions": She can't talk on the phone, do her homework, or entertain her friends without Stephanie's constant, continuous, and non-stop interruptions.
The guys talk it over in a huddle (which she calls unfair because it was done right in front of her eyes, despite Danny saying that she hasn't heard his side, for which she apologizes), and they decide to grant D.J. her wish and let her have her own bedroom again; this time, permanently and for real. She feels highly relieved, after four years of sharing a bedroom with Stephanie. So much so, she gives a "thank you" kiss to each of the guys and a "Nice knowing ya, kid" to Stephanie, and she'll also tell Kimmy about it, for good measure. As a matter of fact, Stephanie is now almost the age D.J. was when they started sharing a bedroom four years ago, and Michelle is now almost the age Stephanie was at that time, one of her "Strange But True Facts"; this is the point that D.J.'s trying to drive home, with "Two Different Worlds": Since her two younger sisters are "children" and currently in elementary school/grade school, a.k.a. "Tiny Town", they should share a room now; while she's a "young woman" currently in high school, a.k.a. "The Land of Maturity", and deserves her own room.
The new arrangement is that, starting the upcoming weekend, D.J. and Michelle will switch rooms. As a result, Michelle will go across the hall and be Stephanie's new roommate, while D.J. takes over Michelle's old bedroom. The problem is, after being called a "kindergarten baby" and a "little shrimp" by Stephanie, and even having both her sisters misinterpret and misjudge her age of 4 ¾ as 4 whole years old, Michelle does not want to be Stephanie's roommate either. This causes Stephanie to believe that no one wants to live with her, until Comet comes along and "invites" her to live in his doghouse, which does not go well either, as it is too small for Stephanie, as well as uncomfortable. But it does not stop them from being friends, as she pets and hugs him (which brings an "aw" from the studio audience).
In the meantime, D.J. is in what will be Michelle's soon-to-be-former room and her soon-to-be-current room, as she measures what will fit. She remarks that Kimmy was right that there's enough room for a hot tub. But Michelle stops her with a quick "Not so fast, sister. This is still my room." D.J. reiterates Danny's point from earlier, and Michelle points out that she should stay in what will be her soon-to-be-former room because Stephanie is moving out of it. They argue about it for a while before D.J. finally gives up and remarks, "Why am I arguing with a 4-year old?", and Michelle corrects her, "A 4 ¾!" In any event, they go over and check out the room, and find what will be Stephanie's old side completely empty, except for the empty shelves and open drawer chests flanking what was her bed (as we see only the mattress), to which D.J. says, "You're right, she's gone." Michelle caps it off with a "Duh!" D.J. wonders where Stephanie went, and the soon-to-be-current roommate simply leads her to her soon-to-be former roommate.
Feeling unwanted by D.J. and Michelle, and knowing that Comet's doghouse is too small and uncomfortable for her, Stephanie takes matters into her own hands by packing all her belongings into her suitcase, moving out of what will be her and D.J.'s room for most definitely the last time and her and Michelle's room as of next time, and hauling them into the bathroom, from which she refuses to budge. When D.J. and Michelle enter, they find their middle sister sitting in the bathtub reading a book. She mentions that she lives here now, turning the sink into a wet bar, the bathtub into a water bed, and is thinking of turning the toilet into a love seat. She also notes she has the cable guy coming in on Tuesday.
Her reasoning for the move is obvious: neither D.J. nor Michelle wants to live with her and she has nowhere else to go (which elicits groans from the audience). At first, after he, D.J., and Michelle see that she has decked out the bathroom with her stuff when Michelle mentions that "Stephanie lives in the potty now", Danny tries to reason with them, and then suggests that no one should change rooms. After his speech with them, D.J. suggests she try to reason with her sisters, and he grants her her wish, mentioning all the "Dad talks" they've had over the years, including the importance of respecting one another. As soon as he leaves, D.J. suggests they "just skip the speech, go straight to the hugs, and we'll all start packing." But no hugging or packing yet, as Michelle says, "No, thank you", meaning she still refuses to accept the change and heads back to her soon-to-be-former room, and Stephanie tells her soon-to-be-former roommate to close the door on her way out. However, a desperate D.J., who says the idea was great to begin with, asks Stephanie to give her five minutes to reason with her because she's given Stephanie five years of sharing the same room with her. D.J. tells her soon-to-be-former roommate that they can work things out, as that's what they always do. Stephanie, who admits that she does not want D.J. to move to a different room (as the inspirational music plays), remarks that this time, it's personal. She says that if D.J. moves, she will miss everything, like the obvious: listening in on her phone calls, finding out if she has got a date for the weekend, or even reading her diary to see how it went. However, D.J., who says they've laughed and cried throughout their nearly five years together in the same room, and been through way too much together to throw it all away now ("it" being their friendship and relationship, and the memories they cherished with each other on both counts), reminds Stephanie that they were more than just roommates; they always were, always are, always have been, and always will be soulmates and sisters forever, and helps her accept the change, adding that if she or Michelle or anyone else needs to come to her for help, be it with a problem or anything else, they can, as she's right down the hall from her soon-to-be-former room; the door is always open, unless it's closed, in which case they must knock – that is the new "rule #2" for her soon-to-be-current room from this point forward. "Rule #1", which has been in use since day one, remains: never touch her stuff.
She even asks Stephanie if the decision to haul all her stuff into the bathroom is revenge for her being a terrible sister. Stephanie says she's a terrific sister, always is, always has been, and always will be, but also points out that it won't be the same without her big sister, but her soon-to-be-former roommate assures her it won't exactly be the same, however; because as of next time, it is she who becomes the big sister in her current room, with Michelle looking up to her in the same way that she looked up to D.J. D.J. herself adds that she'll always be Stephanie's big sister and she'll always love her, with Stephanie saying the latter in return.
After their heart-to-heart, the two soon-to-be former roommates hug (causing the audience to "aw" as the music stops). With "the old team" officially reunited, they then decide that maybe, just maybe, between the two of them, they can outsmart Michelle. Stephanie says that that's a "piece of cake!", but they will have to find out soon enough if it is.
They walk out of the bathroom (with D.J. turning the light off on the way out) and across the hall to Michelle's soon-to-be-former room, knock on the door, and ask to be granted entrance. From inside, Michelle asks, "Whose room is this?", to which D.J. replies, "It's your room." After being granted entrance, they have the same heart-to-heart with her, two-on-one (instead of 1-on-1), and help her accept the fact that she will be Stephanie's new roommate; in fact, Stephanie goes as far as (indirectly) apologizing to Michelle for calling her a "kindergarten baby", and even offering Michelle a bag of cookies if she will accept, which she finally does. Stephanie adds that what she really meant to say to Michelle was "You're in kindergarten, baby!", to which Michelle can only muster, "Nice try", meaning she still isn't fooled by the "kindergarten baby" moniker. D.J. takes it a step further and even explains that if Michelle does not move, she will miss out on a wonderful experience and that having Stephanie as a roommate was the happiest time of her life (with no emphasis on "was", as the aforementioned and countless other previous events suggest otherwise), and it's time for Michelle to be happy. As stated above, with this change, Stephanie is now the older sister in her room, and unlike D.J., she only has one rule for her new roommate as opposed to two, which is: she's the boss at all times. And also unlike D.J., there are no limitations as to who can be on whose side of the room or who can touch whose stuff or even whose friends can be in the room at any one time.
With this said and done, and both sisters still arguing over who is the boss as of next time, D.J. herself is happy, and, after escorting them out of her soon-to-be-current room and closing the door, can only exclaim an exciting and fist-pumping "YES!" as she enjoys her new-found freedom for the first time in many moons (as the audience applauds).
Meanwhile, Jesse does his best to dodge Becky's pregnancy-induced mood swings. When Becky's Lamaze instructor, Lisa Green, holds a Lamaze class in the living room with Jesse, Becky and some of their friends who are soon to become parents, Joey and Danny compete for Lisa's affections.
[In D.J. and Stephanie's room, D.J. is studying with her classmates, Kimmy and a boy named Rick.]
D.J.: OK, chapter 6. What do we know about Jefferson?
Kimmy: He owns a cleaning store, and he's married to "Weezy". [See Trivia]
D.J.: [to Rick] Don't mind Kimmy. She has a seat reserved in summer school.
Kimmy: So Rick, are you free this weekend? I know D.J.'s free this weekend.
D.J.: Very subtle, Kimmy.
Rick: Well, uh, I don't have any plans. But hey, you know, they're opening a new roller coaster on Saturday night at Thrill Mountain, the Squirminator.
D.J.: Well, that's this weekend, when we're both free.
Kimmy: Yeah, that's not obvious. [rolls her eyes]
Rick: Hey, I was thinking, maybe you and I--
[Suddenly, entering the room...]
Stephanie: Hey! You must be Rick. The Rick-Meister. Rick-A-Rama. The Rickshaw Man. Ricky Tikki Tavi!
D.J.: My annoying little sister was just leaving.
Stephanie: [as she sits down at the last chair at the table and props her feet up] No, your adorable little sister was just making herself comfortable. [Kimmy and D.J. get up and carry Stephanie and the chair she's sitting in out of the room.] Um, hey! Wait a minute! One moment, please! Can we talk? Just a—just a—[The door slams.] How...rude!
D.J.: Stephanie, you ruined everything! Rick was just about to ask me out!
Stephanie: Maybe he’ll ask you out tomorrow.
D.J.: Oh, sure. By tomorrow, he’ll find someone who can hold their corn dogs. They’ll fall in love on the Squirminator, and I’ll end up desperate and alone.
Stephanie: You'll never be alone. You'll always have me.
D.J.: I don't want you. You're always in my way. I'm getting my own room. You, little sister, are history.
Stephanie: Come on, the Deejinizor, the Dee-jon mustard!
[During her "My Own Room: We Can Make it Happen" presentation...]
D.J.: Stephanie and Michelle are the exact same ages Stephanie and I were when we first started sharing a room. Isn't that amazing?
Joey: That is amazing. That's like Kennedy had a secretary named Lincoln, and Lincoln had a secretary named Kennedy!
Jesse: What's amazing is you're able to dress yourself in the morning.
[D.J. has just finished her "My Own Room: We Can Make it Happen" presentation.]
Stephanie: Please don't make me live with a 4-year-old baby.
Michelle: I'm not a baby. I'm 4 ¾!
Stephanie: You're still a little shrimp.
Michelle: Stop calling me names, you cheese-head.
[After Danny has talked with the two younger sisters...]
Stephanie: Well Michelle, I guess it's just you and me.
Michelle: I don't wanna live with you.
Stephanie: Why not? You look up to me.
Michelle: That's because I'm short.
Stephanie: Michelle, we're gonna be roommates. This should be the happiest day of your life!
Michelle: Read my lips: [raspberry]
[She walks away, leaving Stephanie speechless.]
Stephanie: Nobody wants to live with me.
[In what is still her room, and will be D.J.'s room for most definitely the last time, Stephanie packs her suitcase, as Comet sits on her soon-to-be-old bed, with her soon-to-be new bed (basically D.J.'s soon-to-be-old bed, sheets and all) seen in the background.]
Stephanie: Comet, you don't know what it's like to have everyone against you. Well, D.J. and Michelle don't wanna live with me. I'll just find a place of my own. [Comet barks a suggestion to her.] Thanks for the offer. But it might be a little crowded in your dog house. [She pets and hugs him.]
- The episode title is a take on stand-up comedian Henny Youngman's famous one-liner "Take my wife... please"
- Episode plot similarities:
- Series premiere "Our Very First Show", where D.J. and Stephanie share a room and have to get used to it (here, in addition to D.J. getting her own room, Michelle becomes Stephanie's new roommate)
- Season three's "Divorce Court", where Stephanie temporarily moved out of D.J.'s room and into what was Michelle's room at the time, and D.J. was still in the room she shared with Stephanie; Danny ultimately decided and concluded that Michelle was too young to have a roommate
- D.J.'s "Two Different Worlds" point in her presentation was a reference in "Back to School Blues" (also season three), where Stephanie brings up the point that they don't live in different rooms despite being in different "world"s; precisely, this was when D.J. began junior high
- Michelle's "Read my lips: [raspberry]" may be a play on "Read my lips: no new taxes", the phrase spoken by then-presidential candidate George H. W. Bush at the 1988 Republican National Convention as he accepted the nomination (then proceeded to win the election and serve as the 41st U.S. President [1989–1993])
- Kimmy talking about Jefferson owning a cleaning store and married to "Weezy" is a reference to George and Louise (George calls her "Weezy") Jefferson in the sitcom the Jeffersons (1975–1985)
- Michelle calling Stephanie a "cheese-head" is a reference to the nickname given to a person who lives in Wisconsin (which is famous for their cheese) and/or a fan of the Green Bay Packers
- Stephanie saying "Ricky Tikki Tavi" is a play on the well-known short story "Rikki-Tikki-Tavi" from The Jungle Book by Rudyard Kipling
- Stephanie's "Dee-jon mustard" pun is a take on Dijon mustard, a French-style mustard
- Joey's reference to "Lincoln had a secretary named Kennedy, and Kennedy had a secretary named Lincoln" is a take on what is still an urban legend