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The Apartment
Season 7, episode 2
The apartment
Air date September 21, 1993
Writer(s) Tom Burkhard
Director John Tracy
Previous It Was a Dark and Stormy Night
Next Wrong-Way Tanner

The Apartment is episode two of season seven on Full House. It originally aired on September 21, 1993.

Opening Teaser

Jesse, feeling "sick", lies down on the living room couch and asks that famous question, "Is there a doctor in the house?" There is, in the form of both Alex and Nicky, using their toy first aid kit. Like real doctors, they use tongue depressors and stethoscopes on him, and even use the lights to check his ears. He asks how he can "pay" them for the services, and they suggest he play "horsey" with them.

Synopsis

Danny is surprised when D.J. tells him that her classmate Kathy Santoni is pregnant. When D.J. says that she is going to go to Steve's new apartment to watch TV with him, Danny feels a bit uncomfortable. Danny tells her to be home by 11:00 pm, which is her curfew. Danny gives her permission to go to Steve's apartment because he is told that Kimmy will be with her at the apartment. What Danny does not know is that circumstances have prevented Kimmy from being able to be with D.J. the whole time at Steve's apartment. Later, it is past midnight, and D.J. is still not home. Danny calls Kimmy, who gives him the address of Steve's apartment. A few minutes later, Danny knocks on the door, but there is no answer because Steve and D.J. are asleep beside each other on the couch. Danny stands on a chair, and looks through the window above the door, and sees them. The chair collapses, and the loud noise of it wakes them up. By this time, she is two hours late. Even though they never did anything besides fall asleep, Danny bans D.J. from going to Steve's apartment again.

Meanwhile, Michelle can't come up with a hobby for Hobby Day at school. She tries taking up collecting leaves, resulting in a mess in her and Stephanie's room. So Stephanie throws the "dumb hobby" out the window (see Quotes).

The next day, Jesse and Joey are cementing the driveway. When they realize that the rented truck is on the wrong side, they calculate how much it costs and how much time it takes for cement to harden. When Joey starts to do that with his calculator watch, Jesse grabs it and tosses it away, because he says that it was Joey's fault (see Quotes).

Steve comes over to talk to D.J. and Danny has an idea. Despite Becky thinking that he will eavesdrop on them, he starts following them around "like a hawk" under the guise of vacuuming the floor of her room in an attempt to make sure that they have no privacy. However, they catch him in the act, then storm out and find another place.

Luckily for them, before Danny has a chance to go after them, Stephanie and Michelle barge in, telling Danny about Michelle's "Hobby Day" fiasco, which Stephanie says it required a leaf blower to get to her bed and that Michelle's crazy. Michelle says she is not crazy, and when Stephanie asks why Mr. Bear got thrown out, Michelle says that she could not lift Stephanie's desk. It results in a fight that Danny quickly breaks up. He then asks them to rake up the leaves, then the bears, then kiss, hug, and apologize.

Meanwhile, D.J. and Steve are able to find privacy in the cab of the cement truck which Jesse and Joey rented. Without knowing it, D.J. accidentally moves the lever that causes the truck to extend its flow chute through one of the kitchen windows, and cement starts pouring into the kitchen. When Danny notices this coming downstairs from the "Hobby Day" fiasco, he asks Jesse to use something to catch the pouring cement (see Quotes). Danny finally turns off the truck, but the kitchen floor has cement all over it.

Later, D.J. rebelliously isolates herself after what Danny did to her last night and even throughout the following day. Danny (after knocking and being granted entrance) comes in, and while she apologizes for the damage to the kitchen, he apologizes for the damage to her feelings. He realizes that she is indeed a "young woman", intending to treat her as such and not as a little kid anymore, and also acknowledges that she was right that nothing happened on the couch, that everything's getting complicated now, she's in a serious relationship with Steve, and that if Pam were still around, things would be much easier. She also tells him that there are many things she wants to see and do before she commits to getting married and having a family, and he understands that as they hug. In addition to them promising each other to work out a solution to the damage done to the kitchen, he lets her know that she is allowed to go to Steve's apartment again if she is back by her 11:00 pm curfew. However, she mentions that Steve's landlord says that Danny owes him $30 for the chair that collapsed, which throws Danny for a loop.

Closing-credits scene

Instead of stills from the episode, the end credits feature Joey, Jesse, and the twins searching for Joey's watch in the now dried-up and hardened cement. They are able to successfully dig it up, using toy hammers and real hammers (and chisels), including those used to carve wood, marble, granite, etc. Apparently, what neither Jesse nor Joey knew was that Joey's watch was buried in the pouring cement during the accident. To add insult to injury, Joey doesn't realize that he'd be literally stuck in the cement while he was busy meditating and listening to his radio.

Quotes

Kimmy: [as she reads the number to Steve's apartment to Danny] Okay. 555-6410.
Danny: Okay. Thank you.
Kimmy: But don't bother calling her.
Danny: Why not?
Kimmy: Steve's phone isn't hooked up yet.
Danny [yells through the phone]: Gibbler! I want it right away. Just hurry up!
Kimmy: Wait! I think I have his address somewhere. Hang on! [searches her drawers to find Steve's address]
Danny: [through the phone] ...I'll talk to your parents, and I'll have you grounded. I don't care if you're not my kid. Get me that address right now!

Steve: [to D.J.] We can finally be alone without your father barging in, or your sisters, or your uncle, or your dog... you know, you have a lot of people living in that house.

D.J.: Dad, I'm so sorry. We were watching a movie and we fell asleep. It will never happen again.
Danny: You're right. It will never happen again because you're not allowed here anymore. This place is off-limits from now on.
D.J.: Dad, that's totally unfair!
Danny: 'Totally unfair'?! You want to know it's totally fair?! A parent who stays up half the night worrying his daughter! That's unfair!
D.J.: Dad, you're blowing this way outta proportion!
Danny: 'Way outta proportion'?! You see a SWAT team with me?! You see helicopters circling the building?! You see the Bat-signal out there?! I don't!
D.J.: Okay! Okay, Dad! I said I was sorry!
Danny: And I said let's go.
[He heads out and waits for her. As she heads towards the door, she sadly turns and waves goodbye to her boyfriend, before she and her dad head home.]

Steve arrives at the Tanner house.

Steve: Hey, guys. How's it going? [But the looks on the grown-ups' faces suggest he's getting anything but a warm reception.] We fell asleep! I'm gonna go talk to D.J. [And he heads in to do just that.]
Danny: OK, I'd say it's time for my pre-midday spot-mop dust-cleaning.
Becky: You're not gonna eavesdrop on them, are you?
Danny: Of course not. I'm gonna watch them like a hawk.

Jesse: I haven't figured it out yet, but I know this is all your fault. You know how much it's gonna take to rent this truck for another three days?
Joey: Well no, not yet. But let's crunch some numbers. [He removes his calculator watch, and Jesse quickly snatches it out of his hand.]
Jesse: I'll crunch some numbers! [He tosses the watch into the chute.]
Joey: My watch!
Jesse: And we gotta run the mixer or the cement won't harden. Give me the keys. [He goes in the truck and starts it up, as Joey tries to meditate...]
Joey: [shouting over the loud sound of the cement mixer] Oh, yeah! I'm a bird! I'm a bird soaring through a quiet meadow!

Michelle comes upstairs just as Stephanie emerges from the bathroom.

Michelle: Stephanie! I found a new hobby! You wanna see?
Stephanie: Sure, why not? [They enter their room, and she can't believe what she sees: piles of leaves all over, even on both beds.]
Michelle: I'm collecting leaves.
Stephanie: What are you, nuts?!
Michelle: This is just from the back yard. I still have the front yard to do.
Stephanie: Look at this! It's all over my stuff! [She sweeps some off her bed.]
Michelle: Hey! Those are the ones with the little bugs on them!
Stephanie: Bugs?! That's it. [She picks up a bag with leaves in it and declares...] Dumb hobby comin' down! [...and drops the bag out the window.]
Michelle: Oh, yeah? [In response...she throws something out.]
Stephanie: That was my shoe!
Michelle: [and then tosses something else out] And that was the other shoe.
Stephanie: OK, fine. Fine, here's Mr. Piggly Wiggly!... [They keep throwing each other's belongings out the window.]

D.J. and Steve are in her room when they hear outside the door...

D.J.: I don't believe it! Here he comes again!
[The door opens, and Danny comes in vacuuming.]
Danny: Oh, you're in here.
Steve: He's Hoovered us out of every room in the house.
Danny: Don't mind me. Excuse me. [They move their feet up.] Thanks.
D.J.: Dad, I really need to talk to Steve.
Danny: Oh, go ahead and talk. I'm just counting down to the next bag change.
D.J.: Well, don't let us bother you.
[They leave.]
Danny: D.J.! [It's too late. They're already gone.]

Michelle and Stephanie are arguing about the leaves in their room when Danny breaks up the fight.

Danny: Girls. Girls. Girls! Hello! [They stop.] I am not in the mood for this, alright? First, you're gonna rake up the leaves, and then you're gonna rake up the bears, and then you're gonna kiss, and you're gonna hug, and you're gonna apologize because you're sisters and you love each other. OK? Case closed. Thanks. [He leaves.]
Stephanie: Boy, he really streamlined that dad talk.
Michelle: Yeah, we got off pretty easy.
Danny: [yells as he opens their door and finds their room with leaves in it] Look at the mess in here!
Michelle: Maybe not.

D.J. and Steve are preoccupied with kissing in the cab of the cement truck which causes her foot to accidentally hit a lever that makes the chute turn into the kitchen window and cement to pour onto the floor. And Joey is preoccupied listening to his meditation tape and repeating what it says.

Joey: 'I am at peace.'
[Danny and Jesse come down the back stairway.]
Danny: Man. What a mess up there, Jess. Is there anything worse than ground leaves in a carpet?
Jesse: [sees cement pouring into the kitchen while Joey is still meditating]: Yep.
Danny [sees it as well]: My kitchen! Joey, do something! [But he can't hear him.] [to Jesse] I'll try to keep it from spreading, you catch it off the chute!
[Jesse tries to catch the cement in his hands, which is useless, then he tries to do it with his shirt.]
Danny: Not your shirt! Get a bowl! Get a bowl!
Jesse: A bowl. All right.
Danny: Oh, no!
[Jesse picks up a china bowl from the table and dumps all the fruits]
Jesse: Here! I got a bowl! I got a bowl!
Danny: No, no, no, not that bowl, that's my fine china!
[Jesse throws the bowl back to Danny, runs to the fridge, grabs a bigger bowl from the top, and runs back to Danny.]
Danny: No! No, not that one! Not that bowl! My mother gave me that!
[Jesse throws the bowl back to Danny, again.]
Danny: Oh, Jesse!
[Jesse grabs a big wooden drawer.]
Jesse: How 'bout this drawer? Do you have any emotional attachment to the drawer?
Danny: No... I mean, I like it, but...
[Jesse empties the drawer and catches the cascading cement in it.]

Danny: I don't know if you noticed, but I was kind of following you around with the vacuum cleaner today.
D.J.: I thought that was you.
Danny: Yeah. Well, I, uh... I didn't really respect your privacy, so in a way, I think I kind of forced you and Steve into that cement truck. What I really wanted to do was just talk to you about what I was feeling last night at Steve's apartment.
D.J.: Dad, I knew what you were feeling. Steve's whole building knew what you were feeling.
Danny: Maybe I overreacted just a tad, huh?
D.J.: Dad, I tried to explain to you, but you wouldn't listen to me. You were treating me like I was a little kid again.
Danny: [sitting with her on her bed] I know, I know. I'm... I'm really sorry, Deej. I just kept thinking about Kathy Santoni, a girl your age, having a baby. And then I saw you and Steve on the couch.
D.J.: You saw us?
Danny: Well, briefly... until the chair gave out.

After Danny and D.J. finish their calmer-heads-prevailing heart-to-heart...

D.J.: Steve's landlord says you owe him 30 bucks for that chair you broke [when he stood on it to spy on her].
Danny: What?! That piece of junk?!

In the closing-credits scene, Jesse is chiseling the cement that Joey's feet are stuck in.

Jesse: Don't move.
Joey: 'Don't move'?! Where the heck am I going?
Jesse: Hey, look at this. I found something. [And that 'something' is...]
Joey: My watch! ... It still works.

Trivia

  • The plot itself is similar to that of "Lovers and Other Tanners" (season 6), as Danny humiliates D.J. and Steve at the school; here, he humiliates them at Steve's apartment, and then again at the house
  • The second time major damage is done to the kitchen (the first: "Honey, I Broke the House" (3.20), when Stephanie accidentally backs Joey's car into the kitchen; however, the only thing taken out here is the window)
  • The next-to-last appearance of Mr. Bear in the series; he is sitting on Stephanie's bed while she looks at the leaves in disgust; however, seeing as Danny wanted the stuffed animals raked up as well, it seems to suggest that she did not completely get rid of him (he does appear in the teaser for "Tough Love", and would appear again in the "Fuller House episode, "M-M-M-My Ramona")
  • One of the few episodes in which Kimmy reacts at the odor of her own shoes
  • The episode title was possibly taken from the 1960 Oscar-winning romantic comedy film starring Jack Lemmon and Shirley MacLaine
  • Jesse and Joey notice that their scraping of the cement sounds like the theme song to The Addams Family, and Becky calls them Lurch and Gomez (characters of that show)
  • The first of two episodes to feature a zoom-in on the window of D.J.'s room since she got it two seasons before ("All Stood Up" [8.22] is the other)
  • The only known episode to feature Dave Coulier's "Full House will be right back" in the syndicated bumper (used prior to the end credits)
  • Uncharacteristically for both the character and the actress, Candace Cameron (a devout Christian), D.J. says "Oh, my God" as opposed to "Oh, my gosh" or her catchphrase "Oh, Mylanta" (because Danny says it twice before her – a comedic effect, known as a "comic triple")
  • The first of three episodes to feature a closing-credits scene
  • Starting with this episode and continuing to series' end, the copyright is shown redundantly as "COPYRIGHT ©(YEAR) WARNER BROS. TELEVISION" (in this case, "COPYRIGHT ©1993 WARNER BROS. TELEVISION")
  • This episode aired the same night as the series premiere of another ABC show, NYPD Blue (1993–2005)