|Season 7, episode 2|
|Air date||September 21, 1993|
|Previous||It Was a Dark and Stormy Night|
Jesse, feeling "sick", lies down on the living room couch and asks that famous question, "Is there a doctor in the house?" There is, in the form of both Alex and Nicky, using their toy first aid kit. Like real doctors, they use tongue depressors and stethoscopes on him, and even use the lights to check his ears. He asks how he can "pay" them for the services, and they suggest he play "horsey" with them.
Danny is surprised when D.J. tells him that her classmate Kathy Santoni is pregnant. When D.J. says that she is going to go to Steve's new apartment to watch TV with him, Danny feels a bit uncomfortable. Danny tells her to be home by 11:00 pm, which is her curfew. Danny gives her permission to go to Steve's apartment because he is told that Kimmy will be with her at the apartment. What Danny does not know is that circumstances have prevented Kimmy from being able to be with D.J. the whole time at Steve's apartment. Later, it is past midnight, and D.J. is still not home. Danny calls Kimmy, who gives him the address of Steve's apartment. A few minutes later, Danny knocks on the door, but there is no answer because Steve and D.J. are asleep beside each other on the couch while the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie The Terminator is playing. Danny stands on a chair, and looks through the window above the door, and sees them. The chair collapses, and the loud noise of it wakes them up. By this time, she is two hours late. Even though they never did anything besides fall asleep, Danny bans D.J. from going to Steve's apartment again, leaving her shocked, speechless, heartbroken, humiliated, aggravated, emotionally distressed, and devastated beyond belief, and all in more ways than one.
Meanwhile, Michelle can't come up with a hobby for Hobby Day at school. She tries taking up collecting leaves, resulting in a mess in her and Stephanie's room. So when Stephanie throws the "dumb hobby" out the window, Michelle responds by throwing Stephanie's shoes out the window. She also throws Stephanie's belongings out (including Mr. Bear) and Stephanie responds by throwing Michelle's belongings out as well (including her pig).
The next day, Jesse and Joey are cementing the driveway. They notice that their scraping starts to sound like the theme song from The Addams Family, and they start singing it, and when Becky and Danny come by, they add in the "snapping" for good measure. They even calculate how much it costs and how much time it takes for cement to harden. When Jesse talks about "punching numbers", he grabs Joey's watch and tosses it into the chute of the cement truck, and Joey's not happy about it.
When Steve comes over to talk to D.J., he simply tells the grown-ups "We fell asleep!" on the way in, and that gives Danny an idea: Despite Becky thinking that he will eavesdrop on them, he starts following them around "like a hawk" under the guise of vacuuming the floor of her room in an attempt to make sure that they have no privacy. However, they catch him in the act, then storm out and find another place, with Steve remarking, "He's hoovered us out of every room in the house." Danny says not to mind him, as he is just "counting down to the next bag change." But, girlfriend and boyfriend are not fooled as they leave the room.
Luckily for them, before Danny has a chance to go after them, Stephanie and Michelle barge in, telling Danny about Michelle's "Hobby Day" fiasco, which Stephanie says it required a leaf blower to get to her desk and that Michelle's crazy. Michelle says she is not crazy, and when Stephanie asks why Mr. Bear got thrown out, Michelle says that she could not lift Stephanie's desk. It results in a fight that Danny quickly breaks up. He then asks them to rake up the leaves, then the bears (and all the other stuff that got thrown out), then kiss, hug, and apologize, "because you're sisters and you love each other." Stephanie remarks that he "streamlined that dad talk". Michelle thinks that they got off pretty easy, until they hear Danny open their door and yell, "Look at the mess in here!"
Meanwhile, D.J. and Steve are able to find privacy in the cab of the cement truck which Jesse and Joey rented. Without knowing it, D.J. accidentally moves the lever that causes the truck to extend its flow chute through one of the kitchen windows, and cement starts pouring into the kitchen. When Danny notices this coming downstairs from the "Hobby Day" fiasco, he asks Jesse to use something to catch the pouring cement. Jesse decides to start with his hands, but it's no use as it gets all over his clothing..and that gives him the idea to use his shirt, but Danny finds it to be a stupid idea. He asks Jesse to get a bowl, and Jesse has no idea which bowl to use, as Danny has some sentimental attachments to the chosen bowls (such as the fruit bowl and the fine china passed down to him by Claire), so the only other solution is to use the kitchen drawer after emptying it. By the time Danny turns off the truck, the kitchen floor has cement all over it.
Later, as the camera zooms up on the window of her room (for probably the only time since she got it 2 seasons ago), where she rebelliously isolates herself after what he did to her last night and even throughout the following day, Danny (after knocking and being granted entrance) comes in and admits to D.J. that he was wrong to try to take away her privacy (and that in a way, with the vacuum cleaner, he forced her and Steve out of her room and into the cement truck), and also apologizes for overreacting and treating her like a little kid last night at Steve's apartment before telling her that he could not stop thinking about Kathy Santoni being pregnant, since Kathy is her age, and then he saw her and Steve on the couch. He realizes that she is indeed a "young woman", intending to treat her as such and not as a little kid anymore, and (as the inspirational music plays) also acknowledges that she was right that nothing happened on the couch, that everything's getting complicated now, she's in a serious relationship with Steve, and that if Pam were still around, things would be much easier. She also tells him that there are many things she wants to see and do before she commits to getting married and having a family, and he understands that as they hug (and the audience "aw"s as the music stops). In addition to them promising each other to work out a solution to the damage done to the kitchen, he lets her know that she is allowed to go to Steve's apartment again if she is back by her 11:00 pm curfew. However, she mentions that Steve's landlord says that Danny owes him $30 for the chair that collapsed, which throws Danny for a loop (and the audience laughs and applauds as the EP credits appear).
Instead of stills from the episode, the end credits feature Joey, Jesse, and the twins searching for Joey's watch in the now dried-up and hardened cement, which they are able to successfully dig up, using toy hammers and real hammers (and chisels), including those used to carve wood, marble, granite, etc. Apparently, what neither Jesse nor Joey knew was that Joey's watch was buried in the pouring cement during the accident. To add insult to injury, Joey doesn't realize that he'd be literally stuck in the cement while he was busy meditating and listening to his radio.
- Kimmy: [as she reads the number to Steve's apartment to Danny] Okay. 555-6410.
- Danny: Okay. Thank you.
- Kimmy: But don't bother calling her.
- Danny: Why not?
- Kimmy: Steve's phone isn't hooked up yet.
- Danny [yells through the phone]: Gibbler! I want it right away. Just hurry up!
- Kimmy: Wait! I think I have his address somewhere. Hang on! [searches her drawers to find Steve's address]
- Danny [through the phone]: ...I'll talk to your parents, and I'll have you grounded. I don't care if you're not my kid. Get me that address right now!
- Steve [to D.J.]: We can finally be alone without your father barging in, or your sisters, or your uncle, or your dog... you know, you have a lot of people living in that house.
- D.J.: Dad, you're blowing this way outta proportion!
- Danny: "Way outta proportion"?! You see a SWAT team with me?! You see helicopters circling the building?! You see the Bat-signal out there?!?! I don't!
- D.J.: Okay! Okay, Dad! I said I was sorry!
- Danny: And I said let's go.
[D.J. and Steve are in her room, when we cut to the door and hear what's outside. She is visibly upset.]
- D.J.: I don't believe it! Here he comes again!
- [The door opens, and sure enough, it's Danny and the vacuum cleaner.]
- Danny: Oh, you're in here.
- Steve: He's Hoover-ed us out of every room in the house.
- Danny: Don't mind me. Excuse me. [They move their feet up.] Thanks.
- D.J.: Dad, I really need to talk to Steve.
- Danny: Oh, go ahead and talk. I'm just counting down to the next bag change.
- D.J.: Well, don't let us bother you.
- [They leave.]
- Danny: D.J.!
- [But it's too late. They're already gone.]
[Michelle and Stephanie are arguing about the leaves in their room, when Danny breaks up the fight.]
- Danny: Girls. Girls. Girls! Hello! [They stop.] I am not in the mood for this, alright? First, you're gonna rake up the leaves, and then you're gonna rake up the bears, and then you're gonna kiss, and you're gonna hug, and you're gonna apologize because you're sisters and you love each other. OK? Case closed. Thanks. [He leaves.]
- Stephanie: Boy, he really streamlined that dad talk.
- Michelle: Yeah, we got off pretty easy.
- Danny: [yells as he opens their door and finds their room with leaves in it] Look at the mess in here!
- Michelle: Maybe not.
- Danny: Man. What a mess up there, Jess. Is there anything worse than ground leaves in a carpet?
- Jesse: [sees cement pouring into the kitchen while Joey is still meditating]: Yep.
- Danny [yells]: My kitchen! Joey, do something! [to Jesse] I'll try to keep it from spreading, you catch it off the chute!
- [Jesse tries to catch the cement in his hands, but to no avail, then he tries to do it with his shirt.]
- Danny: Not your shirt! Get a bowl! Get a bowl!
- Jesse: A bowl. All right.
- Danny: Oh, no!
- [Jesse picks up a china bowl from the table and dumps all the fruits]
- Jesse: Here! I got a bowl! I got a bowl!
- Danny: No, no, no, not that bowl, that's my fine china!
- [Jesse throws the bowl back to Danny, runs to the fridge, grabs a bigger and clear bowl from the top, and runs back to Danny]
- Danny: No!! No, not that one! Not that bowl, my mother gave me that!!
- [Jesse throws the bowl back to Danny, again]
- Danny: Oh, Jesse!
- [Jesse grabs a big wooden drawer]
- Jesse: How 'bout this drawer? Do you have any emotional attachment to the drawer?
- Danny: No, I mean, I like it, but...
- [Jesse empties the drawer and catches the pouring cement in it]
- The plot itself is similar to that of "Lovers and Other Tanners" (season 6), as Danny humiliates D.J. and Steve at the school; here, he humiliates them at Steve's apartment, and then again at the house
- The second time major damage is done to the kitchen – the first being "Honey, I Broke the House" (season 3), when Stephanie accidentally backs Joey's car into the kitchen
- The last appearance of Mr. Bear in the series; he is sitting on Stephanie's bed while she looks at the leaves in disgust; however, seeing as Danny wanted the stuffed animals raked up as well, it seems to suggest that she did not completely get rid of him
- One of the few episodes in which Kimmy reacts at the odor of her own shoes
- The episode title was possibly taken from the 1960 Oscar-winning romantic comedy film starring Jack Lemmon and Shirley MacLaine
- This is the only known episode (so far) to feature Dave Coulier's "Full House will be right back" in the syndicated bumper (used prior to the end credits)