|The Bicycle Thief|
|Season 7, episode 11|
|Air date||November 23, 1993|
|Writer(s)||Chuck Tatham & Jamie Tatham|
|Previous||The Prying Game|
|Next||Support Your Local Parents|
Nicky and Alex are riding their Little Tikes rocking horses and imitating cowboys, under the watchful eyes of Becky and Jesse, which the twins call him instead of "Daddy". Jesse tells "Butch" and "Sundance" to be careful or they'll suffer "saddle sores". And Becky is more shocked when they call her by first name instead of "Mommy".
During Stephanie's patience card demonstration, Michelle loses her bike and assumes that someone stole it, so the family begins a search for it. Stephanie suggests there be a reward for it, and Michelle suggests it be $1,000,000. Danny thinks it's too much, but Michelle insists that her bike is special in that it has a basket. Danny suggests that they indeed search for it. He assigns Stephanie and D.J. to the schoolyards, Jesse and Joey the video arcades and fast food joints, and Danny will travel on his own bike to the bike pads, while Michelle gets a lift in Jesse's car.
Later on, Danny, Jesse, and Joey have each brought home three bicycles that looks a lot like Michelle's, as all three of them have baskets, but it turns out that none of them belong to Michelle.
At the same time, the disappearances of the three bikes is being investigated by Crime Catchers, a neighborhood watch program led by Mrs. Carruthers, who is helped by Kimmy. Mrs. Carruthers works at the school Michelle goes to, and Mrs. Carruthers also seems to have a crush on Joey.
During the search, Jesse feels threatened when he meets Leonard Schultz, the tough-looking father of Davey Schultz, a kid who had been riding one of the three bikes that was brought home. The bike belongs to Davey's sister, and he had borrowed it from her. It turns out that Michelle's bike was not stolen—she had forgotten that she left it at her friend Derek Boyd's house during a rainstorm. This makes Michelle realize that she should remember where she put her stuff from this point on. And as Jesse is about to take her out for ice cream and frozen yogurt with the rest of the family, she can't locate her jacket, which Jesse locates for her, as she did not know that she already put it on. He chases her, picks her up, tickles her, and twirls her around (as the audience applauds and the EP credits appear).
- (Danny and Mrs. Carruthers move towards the kitchen....)
- Danny: You can't go in there. Move 'em, move em, move em. Move em on up to the Eastside, the deluxe apartments in the sky. Well, I miss the Jeffersons' don't you? How many Lionels' were there, do you remember?
- Mrs. Caruthers: One mystery at a time, Mr. Tanner. Hey, how's that command post coming Deputy Gibler?
- Kimmy: We are cookin' chief.
- Stephanie: Hey listen. Three more bikes got stolen.
- Kimmy: We know. That why we're here, smallfry.
- Steve: One little girl lost her zest for reading.
- Danny: She's zestless?
- DJ: And look at this picture of the person who took the Schultz' bike? He looks exactly like Uncle
- Danny: Uncle Seymore. Yes Uncle Seymore. That looks exactly like Uncle Seymore. If he weren't a priest in Athens, he would be a suspect. Take these up to Uncle Seymore.
- DJ: Uncle who?
- Danny: Just do it.
- (We find the family upstairs with the bikes...)
- DJ: What are all these bikes doing here? (surprised) You're Uncle Seymore!
- Steve: I thought he lives in Greece.
- Jesse: Doesn't look nothing like me. Sideburns unbalanced.
- Michelle: Well, I'm going to pack.
- Stephanie: Where you going?
- Michelle: The Slammer!
- Joey: These posters have addresses on them.
- Jesse: Uh, yeah. Yeah they do. Alright, you know, this is perfect. We'll take all the bikes back to these addresses.
- DJ: Wait, the Crime Catchers are in the kitchen.
- Jesse: Then we'll go out the front door. Everyone grab a bike.
- (Everyone forms a row of the bikes as they move downstairs.)
- Joey: Hey, uh, how come you don't have a bike?
- Jesse: Because I'm carrying the fliers.
- Joey: Oh... (Everyone exits the bedroom) Come on let's go.
- Jesse: Hurry, hurry, hurry, shh!
- Steve: Okay, come on, move.
- Jesse: Shh, shh, shh!
- Joey: Jess, do you think we can pull this off?
- Jesse: Absolutely...
- (The doorbell rings.)
- Jesse: ...not. Uh, Joey, stay off.
- Joey: Why?
- Jesse: (He shushes Joey with the fliers) Back up, back up. Shh, come on!
- D.J: Don't stop, Steph.
- Jesse: Shh!
- D.J: Steph, let's move it.
- Jesse: Shh! Go! SHH! (He turns around and opens the door) Yeah what do you want? Sir?
- Leonard: I'm Leonard Schultz, Davey's father. I'm looking for a guy named Jesse. Took my kid's bike. He looks exactly like you.
- Jesse: No he doesn't look like me. The sideburns are totally uneven, mine are even.
- Leonard: Sorry.
- Jesse: Yeah, okay.
- Leonard: Who are you anyway?
- Jesse: Oh, I'm Joey.
- Leonard: I sit right here and wait for Jesse. There's a couple of things I want to impress upon him.
- Jesse: Like what?
- Leonard: My right fist and my left fist.
- Jesse: Danny, this is Leonard Schultz Davey's father. He's looking for Jesse, who is nowhere to be found, thank God, because Leonard here has a bone to pick with Jesse, and we all know how painful bone picking is.
- DJ: Joey?
- Joey & Jesse: Yes!
- Joey: Oh, she was calling for you wasn't she?
- Michelle: Cool, I want to play. I want to be D.J.
- Jesse: There is no time to play. This is Leonard Schultz, Davey's father.
- Michelle: Davey's father? Ah, gotta go.
- DJ: Who's Davey?
- Michelle: Someone with a real big Dad.
The Bicycle Thief is the American title of a 1948 Academy Award-winning Italian film.