|The First Day of School|
|Season 1, episode 3|
|Air date||October 2, 1987|
|Previous||Our Very First Night|
|Next||The Return of Grandma|
Stephanie manages to easily irritate D.J. as Stephanie grows increasingly preoccupied with finding just the right clothes for her first day of kindergarten, as she says that the clothes that she has pulled out "are me, but they're the preschool me", and even worse, she is worried that for the first day she will end up wearing a goofy outfit and all her classmates will say "Stephanie Tanner? eww!" So as D.J. and Kimmy study in the room, they tell her to stop worrying and explain to her that the easiest thing to do is the Pledge of Allegiance, which they recite for her very quickly, which causes her to say, "I'm dead meat!"
The night before is filled with excitement, even as Stephanie has D.J. look at her wardrobe one more time, and then attempt to recite the pledge (with little success, as she only gets the first line right), leading older sister to literally carry younger sister over to her own bed and tuck her in... very tight. But as soon as it is time to head off to school the next morning, even after she is handed her Jetsons lunch box and D.J. her Barbie lunch box, Stephanie freezes up and refuses to go.
Stephanie has a severe case of kindergarten jitters because she is afraid that her new classmates will reject her as a friend on the first day (which elicits groans from the studio audience, see Trivia below), so it is up to D.J. and the guys to help her. Throughout the morning, before class starts, the guys show up at the school, one by one, to encourage Stephanie.
When Stephanie tries to leave the school, it is D.J. who convinces her to stay. And then D.J., who attends the same school, is moved from her class to an accelerated learning class, which she says is full of eggheads (slang for smart people). That means that D.J. and Kimmy will be in separate classrooms. That leaves D.J. wanting to avoid school just as much as Stephanie. When D.J. tries to leave the school, Jesse and Joey are the first ones to spot this, and they alert Danny, who stops her and talks to her about trying new things in life. A minute or two later, Stephanie tries to make her own escape and Danny stops her as well, telling her that neither she nor D.J. is going anywhere unless it's back into their classrooms. Before he can even lecture both of them, D.J. decides that the same heart-to-heart Danny had with her, she'd better have with Stephanie, promising Danny that they won't try to make a break for it again. She takes Stephanie aside and gives her some helpful advice, such as mentioning that new friends can't always be made on the first day. When Stephanie brings up Kimmy, D.J. says that they were in the same class from kindergarten through 4th grade, but they did not talk to each other for six months. After their talk, the two sisters hug each other, and then they go back to class.
As soon as Stephanie is back in her classroom, she joins her new teacher and classmates in singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" (as the audience applauds and the EP credits appear).
This is the first episode where something terrible causes the audience to groan.
Jesse: This is the most terrifying shower scene since Psycho.
[In D.J. and Stephanie's room, Stephanie attempts to get D.J. to look at one more piece of clothing, and to drive the point home, Stephanie shines a flashlight into D.J.'s eyes.]
Stephanie: D.J., are you asleep?
D.J.: I can't tell. I think I'm blind.
Stephanie: Will you look at one more outfit? [shows it off]
D.J.: Steph, I've seen your entire wardrobe twice.
Stephanie: Okay. Wanna listen to the pledge? I pledge allegiance to the flag of some states of America.
[This causes D.J. to get out of her own bed, and literally carry Stephanie over to her bed and put the covers on her.]
D.J.: I'm gonna tuck you in...very tight.
Stephanie: And to the public, which understands...with God...and liberty...I'm dead meat.
[Jesse and Joey see D.J. jumping, or at least attempting to jump, the playground's fence, and alert Danny, who stops her dead in her tracks.]
Danny: Freeze. What is this? I don't wanna jump to conclusions, but it appears that what we have is my daughter ditching school, throwing away her future, and basically becoming a juvenile delinquent.
D.J.: In a nutshell, yes.
Danny: Would you mind if I ask you a question before you go knock off a 7-Eleven? Why are you dropping out of school?
D.J.: Because they put me in the smart class.
Danny: The advanced class? D.J., that's wonderful.
D.J.: Dad, it's Geekville, USA. These kids, the first day of school they brought homework. And get this, I'm the only blonde. And worst of all, they split me and Kimmy up.
Danny: Oh. I know you're disappointed, but it's not like you'll never see Kimmy again. She lives next door.
D.J.: Dad, you don't understand. Kimmy and I have always been in the same class. Now I'm in a room full of eggheads. They're worse than eggheads. They're omelet-heads.
Danny: D.J., it's the omelet-heads who rule the world. You really should give this a chance. Do you know why?
Danny: Because if you don't try new things, you're never gonna know what you're missing out on.