|The First Day of School|
|Season 1, episode 3|
|Air date||October 2, 1987|
|Previous||Our Very First Night|
|Next||The Return of Grandma|
The night before is filled with excitement, except for Stephanie. She manages to easily irritate D.J. as she grows increasingly preoccupied with finding just the right clothes for her first day of kindergarten, as she says that the clothes that she has pulled out "are me, but they're the preschool me", and even worse, she is worried that for the first day she will end up wearing a goofy outfit and all her classmates will say "Stephanie Tanner? eww!" So as D.J. and Kimmy study in the room, they tell her to stop worrying and explain to her that the easiest thing to do is the Pledge of Allegiance, which they recite for her very quickly, which causes her to say, "I'm dead meat!"
While this is going on, just before the girls get their shut-eye, Jesse and Joey give Michelle a bath, Jesse remarking that Joey has better muscle than her, to which Joey asks how much Jesse bench-presses. The girls then come in to watch, D.J. asking them to start all over if they missed anything stupid. But Jesse gets them out, remarking that Joey will do something just as stupid tomorrow.
Back in their room, Stephanie shines a flashlight in a sleeping D.J.'s face and has her look at one more piece of clothing, and then attempt to recite the pledge (with little success, as she only gets the first line right), leading older sister to literally carry younger sister over to her own bed and tuck her in... very tight.
Back in the bathroom, Jesse and Joey have finished bathing Michelle, and Jesse thanks Joey for helping him. The reason they got the bath out of the way is that Jesse is going to meet an exotic dancer tonight (or what he calls a "topless ballerina"), while Joey has to do his thing at 9:30 PM. They keep talking about their hobbies and Jesse even serenades Michelle with "Love Me Tender", until his singing is interrupted by Danny's appearance, and they slowly turn to look at him as he says, "Oh, my God!" He asks them why they are not giving her a bath, and they tell her that there was no room for all three of them (though he doesn't know that they'd already given her a bath). He just slowly takes Michelle to her room, as Jesse continues serenading (much to the applause of the audience).
Later, Danny comes into the girls' room, turns on the light, and asks why everyone's awake; to which D.J. shows him by taking the covers off of Stephanie, revealing her in a very fancy pink dress and holding a metal lunch box, proclaiming, "I'm ready for school!", to which Danny remarks, "Honey, you're ready for the prom." Stephanie angrily remarks to her big sister, "You said this would be good." D.J. just replies, "Hey, if you can't have fun with your little sister, then what's the point of having one?"
The next morning is the first day of school (hence the title), and everyone's even more excited than the night before. Danny asks Joey and Jesse how it went last night in the bathtub, and they say that after they finished "Love Me Tender", they sang "Viva Las Vegas" before calling it a night. In the meantime, the girls head downstairs all ready to go on the first day, and Danny remarks, "'Chef Boyar-dad' (see Trivia) has made some super-great lunches – for a super-great first day of school." To add even more excitement, he brings out his camcorder to record how happy they are about it, and Jesse and Joey add to the fun with their rendition of "Sunrise, Sunset" from "Fiddler on the Roof", with Danny joining in on the last line (and their performance eliciting audience laughter throughout and applause upon completion).
But as soon as it is time to head off to school, even after she is handed her Jetsons lunch box and D.J. her Barbie lunch box, Stephanie freezes up and refuses to go. She has a severe case of kindergarten jitters because she is afraid that her new classmates will reject her as a friend on the first day (which elicits groans from the studio audience, see Trivia below), so it is up to D.J. and the guys to help her. Throughout the morning, before class starts, the guys show up at the school, one by one, to encourage Stephanie.
When Stephanie tries to leave the school, it is D.J. who convinces her to stay. And then D.J., who attends the same school, is moved from her class to an accelerated learning class, which she says is full of eggheads (slang for smart people). That means that D.J. and Kimmy will be in separate classrooms. That leaves D.J. wanting to avoid school just as much as Stephanie. When D.J. tries to leave the school, Jesse and Joey are the first ones to spot this, and they alert Danny, who stops her and talks to her about trying new things in life. A minute or two later, Stephanie tries to make her own escape and Danny stops her as well, telling her that neither she nor D.J. is going anywhere unless it's back into their classrooms. Before he can even lecture both of them, D.J. decides that the same heart-to-heart Danny had with her, she'd better have with Stephanie, promising Danny that they won't try to make a break for it again. She takes Stephanie aside and gives her some helpful advice, such as mentioning that new friends can't always be made on the first day. When Stephanie brings up Kimmy, D.J. says that they were in the same class from kindergarten through 4th grade, but they did not talk to each other for six months. After their talk, the two sisters hug each other, and then they go back to class.
As soon as Stephanie is back in her classroom, she joins her new teacher and classmates in singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider" (as the audience applauds and the EP credits appear).
- The first appearance of Kimmy Gibbler (Andrea Barber) – although she is featured in the premiere episode, where D.J. is talking to her on the phone
- The first episode where something terrible causes the audience to groan
- Danny's "Chef Boyar-dad" remark is an allusion to Chef Boyardee (coincidentally, Candace Cameron did a Chef Boyardee commercial prior to Full House)
Jesse: This is the most-terrifying shower scene since Psycho.
[In D.J. and Stephanie's room, Stephanie attempts to get D.J. to look at one more piece of clothing, and to drive the point home, Stephanie shines a flashlight into D.J.'s eyes.]
Stephanie: D.J., are you asleep?
D.J.: I can't tell. I think I'm blind.
Stephanie: Will you look at one more outfit? [shows it off]
D.J.: Steph, I've seen your entire wardrobe twice.
Stephanie: Okay. Wanna listen to the pledge? I pledge allegiance to the flag of some states of America.
[This causes D.J. to get out of her own bed, and literally carry Stephanie over to her bed and put the covers on her.]
D.J.: I'm gonna tuck you in...very tight.
Stephanie: And to the public, which understands...with God...and liberty...I'm dead meat.
[Jesse and Joey see D.J. jumping, or at least attempting to jump, the playground's fence, and alert Danny, who stops her dead in her tracks.]
Danny: Freeze. What is this? I don't wanna jump to conclusions, but it appears that what we have is my daughter ditching school, throwing away her future, and basically becoming a juvenile delinquent.
D.J.: In a nutshell, yes.
Danny: Would you mind if I ask you a question before you go knock off a 7-Eleven? Why are you dropping out of school?
D.J.: Because they put me in the smart class.
Danny: The advanced class? D.J., that's wonderful.
D.J.: Dad, it's Geekville, USA. These kids, the first day of school they brought homework. And get this, I'm the only blonde. And worst of all, they split me and Kimmy up.
Danny: Oh. I know you're disappointed, but it's not like you'll never see Kimmy again. She lives next door.
D.J.: Dad, you don't understand. Kimmy and I have always been in the same class. Now I'm in a room full of eggheads. They're worse than eggheads. They're omelet-heads.
Danny: D.J., it's the omelet-heads who rule the world. You really should give this a chance. Do you know why?
Danny: Because if you don't try new things, you're never gonna know what you're missing out on.