|Season 4, episode 25|
|Air date||April 26, 1991|
|Previous||Girls Just Wanna Have Fun|
|Next||Rock the Cradle|
Michelle comes into Joey's room asking if he has seen her stuffed pig. She tells him that she looked everywhere to no avail. Joey helps by playing the blues on his harmonica, and while they sing about her troubles, she remembers that she left it in the kitchen and goes downstairs to get it.
Becky is making waffles for breakfast, but everyone seems to be baffled by her efforts.
Danny's blind date last night didn't go well, and at age 33, he feels like he does not have as much youth in him as he used to. After saying that he does not have any gray hair, Becky, Jesse, and Joey prove to him otherwise, each pulling one strand for each one they find (and causing him to scream in pain each time). When his daughters come downstairs, he asks each of them individually how old they think he looks. Michelle says "92" and D.J. just says that he looks old.
Meanwhile, Jesse becomes an unsuspecting participant in Michelle's preschool graduation program, and D.J. graduates from junior high school. Michelle's "choice" for a graduation song (see Trivia) annoys everyone, and D.J. is nervous about speaking in front of a class of 300.
As D.J. prepares to move on to high school and Michelle prepares to move on to kindergarten, and both have commencements of their own, Stephanie feels left out because her 3rd-grade year has ended without a commencement (see Quotes).
As the family attends Michelle's commencement, Stephanie mentions she never had one in preschool or kindergarten. Even then, she still feels a bit left out of all the festivities revolving around D.J. and Michelle, so the guys come up with a solution to the problem by giving Stephanie her own commencement at home, complete with high heel shoes and a red hat with tassels (in lieu of a mortarboard).
Everyone else has feelings about this, but they have even bigger feelings about the girls moving out, and them getting older, and Danny getting bald hair.
That night, Danny starts dating 21-year-old Kirsten, a free-spirited college student who has a lot more in common with D.J. than she does with Danny. Kirsten does prefer older men, but she did not realize that he was 33. She gives him a last kiss and says goodbye. After she leaves, he makes sobbing-like sounds.
In the kitchen, Danny is alone, singing a song (see Trivia) over losing Kristen and drowning his sorrows in chocolate cake. D.J. enters and asks if he is in a "crisis". After she reads to him the beginning of her graduation speech, he tells her "you can't live for the future, just like you can't live in the past"—which is what he was doing. Then, to lighten the mood, she tells him that she and Kimmy found his neon outfit, which he had on, very funny.
The other girls come in, cheer him up, and share his cake (see Quotes and infobox photo). (The audience applauds and the EP credits appear.)
Stephanie: Why don't I get a graduation?
Danny: Steph, you will. You're just going from 3rd grade to 4th grade.
Stephanie: Just? It so happens that I'm going from lower elementary into upper elementary. I'll be playing on a completely different playground, with no monkey bars. This is a very big deal. And nobody cares. How rude!
Danny: You know, girls, I may not be 21 anymore, but 33 is feeling pretty good right now. Can life be any better than this?
Michelle: It would be better if I had some chocolate cake.
- Van Atta Junior High School is named after producer (and later co-executive producer) Don Van Atta
- Becky's "all you can scrape" is a take on "all you can eat" (usually mentioned for buffets)
- The episode title is likely a take on the 1967 Academy Award-nominated film The Graduate
- "The Wheels on the Bus" by Michelle (solo, then with her class)
- "Rock and Roll All Nite" by Danny (pumped for his date at a rock concert)
- "Pomp and Circumstance" (at the preschool graduation, then hummed by the family at Stephanie's "commencement")
- "Twist and Shout" by the preschool graduates
- "Young Girl" by Danny (after he and Kirsten end their relationship)