|The Play's the Thing|
|Season 6, episode 8|
|Air date||November 17, 1992|
|Previous||Trouble in Twin Town|
|Next||Nice Guys Finish First|
Michelle's first grade class is preparing to perform a play titled "Yankee Doodle." When D.J. was in the first grade, she played the role of Yankee Doodle and when Stephanie was in the first grade, she was also Yankee Doodle. Michelle wants to continue that tradition and play the role.
Michelle thinks that she has the role already locked up when Jesse and Joey volunteer as the play's directors, and Stephanie signs on as choreographer, but Michelle feels hurt when Jesse and Joey choose Derek Boyd to play the part because Derek's audition was better than Michelle's. The way Michelle's classmates treat her after Derek was chosen makes her feel left out in the cold. Jesse and Joey later admit that they feel terrible about making Michelle feel so hurt, and they convince her to play a different part. When Derek gets nervous before the play starts, Michelle helps him.
Meanwhile, Danny has had a tradition of taking the girls to Johnson's Hardware to ride Quacky the mechanical duck when they were young. Michelle refuses Danny's latest offer to take her there, saying that she is in the first grade now. As a result, Danny, missing having a baby of his own and noticing how much the girls have grown up so far, starts spending a lot of time with Nicky and Alex – even intruding on Becky's time with them. The past couple of days, whenever Becky has tried to do something with the twins, Danny had already done it. Becky explains to him that her time with Nicky and Alex is precious, saying that they are only that age for so long. Danny apologizes to Becky and tells her that, when Michelle told him she was now in the first grade and was getting too old to ride Quacky, "my last little duck-rider had left the pond".
Becky understands, and says that they can set aside time for Danny to spend with the boys, which Danny agrees with.
Also, Steve Hale gets annoyed with D.J. – who has gotten in the habit of speaking on his behalf – and thinks that she is making all the decisions in their relationship. Luckily, they work things out, and Steve apologizes to her and vice-versa.
The phrase in the title is a reference to the line from Shakespeare's Hamlet.
Michelle: What a day.
Jesse: Fried baloney in the lunch room again?
Michelle: I wish.
Danny: Oh, sweetheart... I tell you what. How about I take you down to Johnson's Hardware and you can tell your dad all your problems while you're riding on Quacky, the mechanical duck?
Michelle: Quacky? Dad, I'm in first grade. I would look silly on a mechanical duck.
Stephanie: Dad, she's bummed because they're gonna cancel the first-grade play... and I was gonna be the choreographer.
Danny: Oh, that's a shame.
Stephanie: Our only hope is to find a parent volunteer to direct it. (Jesse and Joey look at each other and then lean back in their chairs)
Danny: Guys, don't worry. I'm a parent. (raises hand) I volunteer. (Jesse and Joey sit back up straight)
Joey: All right, Danny — you beat us to it.
Jesse: You are so... so lucky. I only wish it was Joey and I attending a stage full of adorable little tykes. (pats Michelle's head)
Stephanie: Thanks, Dad... but rehearsals are every morning at ten. That's when you do your show. And it's the only time we have the auditorium.
Danny: That means I can't do it. (Jesse and Joey then lean back in their chairs until Michelle appears behind them)
Michelle: Oh, boys, I guess your wish is gonna come true.
Jesse: Oh, goody. (kisses Michelle)
Joey: (as he and Jesse sit back up in their chairs) Oh, come on, Jess. We can't let the kids down. It'll be fun.
Jesse: All right, all right.
Joey: OK, Michelle, all right — what's the play?
Michelle: "America the Beautiful". It's about America.