|Season 8, episode 13|
|Air date||January 10, 1995|
|Next||Super Bowl Fun Day|
Danny is initially delighted when Michelle takes interest in writing about him for a Take Your Daughter to Work assignment, especially since he's confident that his boss, Mr. Strowbridge, will be giving him a promotion. Danny takes Michelle down to the KFLH studios with him.
After an episode of Wake Up, San Francisco is aired, Mr. Strowbridge promotes Becky, making her the new producer of the show, yet still remaining as Danny's co-host. That shocks Danny, since he's been working at the station longer than Becky has. Danny wishes Mr. Strowbridge hadn't done that in front of Michelle, because Danny wants Michelle to be proud of him. Danny makes an impulsive decision to quit the show.
When Danny is quickly replaced by the loud and obnoxious Phil Blankman, the show's weatherman/meterologist, Danny's bottled-up resentment toward Becky leads to a sudden blow-up at a restaurant where they're having a celebration dinner, where tensions rise and Danny calls Becky out for having the "Laughing Hyena" as her new co-host. Danny and Becky work things out, and Danny confesses that it stung when Becky got promoted over him, but he has to accept it and he will because he knows she will do a great job, and Becky thanks him. Danny then admits that he went a little nuts because he got passed over in front of Michelle before adding that he wanted Michelle to be proud of him (while also remembering that he is usually proud of his daughters). Michelle reads Danny her report on him, which makes him feel good because it says that she is proud of him anyway. Because of her good deed, Danny has decided to return to Wake Up, San Francisco.
Meanwhile, D.J. and Stephanie have a bet with each other in order to see who, between the two of them, can go without sweets the longest — which turns out to be a tie; per D.J., the loser had to do the winner's chores for an entire week. Also, Joey is depressed because his favorite snack food cookies, Vanilla Weasels (which the girls had been accusing each other of eating too much of), has been discontinued. Jesse returns from shopping with the boys and shows he bought him a box of new cookies he might like: Chocolate Badgers. But that gives little comfort to Joey. Luckily, his mood changes for the better when he finds a new food he likes: flan. Plus, Nicky and Alex apologize for their temper tantrums while at the restaurant, and promise to finish their dinner so they can have dessert/"bessert" (which they wanted when they first saw a big yellow cake with white frosting and strawberries on top, and thus caused the patrons to stare at the family, tensions to rise, and Jesse to take them out to the so-called "Screaming Room"). Speaking of desserts, Michelle takes a Triple-Layer Brownie with Buttercream Frosting, while D.J. and Stephanie share a Cookie Crumble Cheesecake, and it turns out to be the very last piece, so they jump in on it (after Stephanie almost literally does so and has to be pulled back by D.J.). It results in said draw, so neither one has to do the other one's chores for an entire week. After they finish, it surprises everyone that the Cookie Crumble Cheesecake was made with the very last tin of Vanilla Weasels, which causes Joey to climb onto the table, grab the plate, and gobble up every last crumb.
- The episode title is a take on the 1968 comedy film The Producers, starring Gene Wilder (later of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory) and directed & written by Mel Brooks, who won the Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay
- The only appearance of Phil Blankman, Rebecca's temporary co-host, who was apparently fired for constantly laughing out of turn during each show, and because Danny decided to return to the show after he apparently had had enough of the so-called "Laughing Hyena"
- Last appearance of Mr. Strowbridge
[In the teaser, Joey, D.J., and Stephanie all come downstairs for breakfast.]
Jesse: Good morning.
All: Good morning.
Jesse: You girls want some cereal?
D.J.: Yes, please.
[He brings out some small travel-sized boxes of Kellogg's cereals, with the brand and part of the real names of each edited out, so as to avoid product placement.]
Jesse: We've got, uh, we've got your Puffs, we've got your, uh, Pops, we've got some sort of Smacks, we've got everything here. [He puts them on the table.]
Joey: There's only one thing I want for breakfast: Vanilla Weasels, the most delectable cookie ever created. [He takes a Vanilla Weasels tin out of the cabinet, then opens up the tin and dumps it out, only to find nothing but the little muffin cups used to hold other kinds of cookies, such as butter cookies] My Weasels! Who ate my Weasels?!
[The girls look at each other in confusion and play the finger-pointing game.]
D.J./Stephanie: She did! I did? You did!
Joey: Yeah, well, somebody did.
D.J.: [scoffs] Come on, Steph. You were eating three at a time.
Stephanie: How would you know? You had your head in the tin.
D.J.: What are you saying, I have no self-control?
Stephanie: I bet you couldn't go one day without sweets.
D.J.: [scoffs again] I could go a lot longer than you could.
Stephanie: Oh yeah?
D.J.: Yeah. First one to eat licorice then nibble a sweet has to do the other one's chores for an entire week.
Stephanie: It's a bet, Sara Lee.
D.J.: You're on, Mrs. Fields.
[They shake hands, and all bets are on.]
Joey: Yeah, while this is all fine and good, but I still happen to be Weasel-less.
Jesse: [as Becky and the twins come in] Yeah, well, don't worry. I'm taking the boys shopping, and I'll put your stupid Weasels on my list. You can relax, sugar-gut.
Joey: Thanks, black licorice hair.
Becky: Jess, I hope this time you will stick to that list. Last time you went shopping with the boys, they sent you for eggs and came back with Slinky's.
Nicky: We like shopping with daddy.
Alex: He buys us everything.
[Becky looks confused, as does Jesse]
Jesse: Wow, the boys, they're--they're exaggerating.
Nicky: Can we have a pony?
Jesse: Only if it's on sale, son. [He gets his coat, and the boys, and soon, they're out of the house and off to the store.]
[Jesse and the twins have just returned from shopping at the store, as Joey comes down, anxious for his sweet treat.]
Joey: Hey Jess, did you get my Vanilla Weasels?
Jesse: Oh, I'm sorry, Joey. Bad news: they don't make 'em anymore.
Jesse: Yeah. But, look at this, look at this. Uh, how do you say this, how do you say this? [He reaches into the bag and brings out a red box of chocolate cookies.] Chocolate Badgers instead, huh?
Joey: Instead?! Jess, there is no "instead". Vanilla Weasels are more than just a cookie, they're a lifetime of memories for me.
Joey: [puts his hand on Jesse's shoulder] When I was a kid...
Joey: My mom would tuck me in bed...
Joey: Give me a Weasel...
Joey: And sing me the score to South Pacific. Boy, those were some enchanted evenings, Jess.
Jesse: Yeah. It suddenly all started to make sense, Joe.
[The family goes out to eat at the Le Grill restaurant, to celebrate Becky's promotion. Unfortunately for her and everyone else, what they have to put up with next will cause tensions to rise, especially when the twins see a big yellow cake with white frosting and strawberries on top.]
Waiter: Would anyone care for dessert? Gentlemen?
Nicky: I want dessert.
Alex: Double bessert.
Jesse: No, no, no, no, no. No, boys. No "bessert", no "bessert". [he gives the cake back to the waiter] Thank you. You finish your dinner, then you can have "bessert".
Twins: [while banging their forks on the table] We want dessert! We want dessert! We want dessert! [they keep chanting, causing Jesse to do a face-palm, and Becky to be worried about their kids]
Becky: [softly] Nicky! Alex! Behave yourselves!
[But they don't listen, and they get on the floor and continue their chant while kicking, causing tensions at the table to rise, and the rest of the patrons to stare at the entire family.]
D.J.: [softly] Everybody's staring at us.
Stephanie: Just give 'em some dessert.
Jesse: Now, what lesson would they learn from that?
Stephanie: [sarcastically] If you embarrass your family, you get dessert.
Jesse: No. No, no, no. We're not gonna do that. Ya know what? I'm gonna take care of this thing right now, and I don't care what people say. Alright, alright. [He gets up, grabs his now screaming twins by their suspenders, and picks them up off the floor as everyone else continues to watch, including one couple] What?! I'm just putting a little karma in them. Go ahead, eat your peas. [He takes the continuously screaming twins out of the dining room, and into the waiting room, which he calls the so-called "Screaming Room". Once outside, he sets the boys down on a bench, and their screaming stops.] OK, here you go. Sit down there. You guys wanna kick and scream and have a big tantrum? Go ahead, go nuts.
Nicky: Right here?
Jesse: Well yeah, of course right here. I mean, you can't do it in there. That's--that's the dining room. In here, this is, well, this is the Screaming Room. Go ahead, scream.
Alex: We wanna go back in there. [points to the dining room]
Jesse: OK, fine. But you have a choice. You can stay out here and have your little tantrum. Or you can go back inside, act like gentlemen, eat your meal, have your dessert, and everything will be cool. OK? Go ahead, guys. I got time. Talk among yourselves.
[The twins whisper to each other on what they want to do from this point on, while back inside the dining room...]
Waiter: Would anyone who's not shrieking care for dessert?
Joey: There's only one dessert for me, and it's extinct.
Danny: Yeah, I'll pass too. I got a big day tomorrow. Gotta get that Chia Pet started.
Michelle: I'll have the Triple-Layer Brownie with the Buttercream Frosting.
Waiter: Ah. [he serves it to her, and she digs in, as her two older sisters look on]
D.J. and Stephanie: Oh.
Waiter: Well, if no one else is interested...
D.J. and Stephanie: No, wait!
D.J.: Steph, if we both give in and eat one of those desserts at the same time, neither one of us would lose. Whaddya think?
Stephanie: I think the one in the center looks delicious.
Waiter: Ah, that's the Cookie Crumble Cheesecake, and this is the very last piece. Better jump in on it.
Stephanie: We will! [She literally does so, as D.J. grabs her arm and stops her.]
D.J.: Not literally. We'll take it.
[he serves it to them, and they dig in]
Stephanie: Bets off?
D.J.: Bets off.
[They take their bites.]
[Danny and Becky argue about the "Laughing Hyena"]
Becky: Alright. So maybe he has a bad laugh. But at least he has a good attitude.
Danny: Why? 'Cause he howls at everything you say?
Becky: He howls because now that you're gone, the show is funny.
[This causes Danny to get up, walk over, and get in his now former co-host's face; this causes the biggest tensions of the night to rise.]
Danny: Funny? Becky, I'll have you know that I watched the show this morning. I didn't wanna watch it. But, you know, I couldn't turn it off, either. It's kinda like when you have a cavity, and, you know, you wanna keep sucking air through the hole in it to see if it still hurts.
[This causes Becky to get up as well, and get in her former co-host's face.]
Becky: Are you comparing my show to a rotting tooth?
Danny: If the tooth hurts, suck it.
Becky: Ya know, it's a good thing you quit, because I'd fire you in a minute.
Danny: That'd be fine with me, because you and the Happy Hyena deserve each other.
Becky: Oh, at least the Happy Hyena has a good attitude!
Danny: Oh, he has nothing--He has no attitude! He's a caricature! He's a Laughing Hyena!
[The patrons stare at the family for the second time tonight.]
Stephanie: They're staring again!
Jesse: [pounding the table to signal Danny and Becky, who are still arguing and about to literally go for each other's throats, to stop] All right, all right, hold it, hold it! [On the second "hold it" he does the double-hand "cut" motion for "stop", which causes Becky and Danny to stop arguing and look at him] Now, one more outburst and I'm gonna pick you both up by your suspenders and take you out to the Screaming Room.
[It's now Becky and Danny's turn to play the finger-pointing game.]
Becky/Danny: She/He started it.
Jesse: I don't care who started it. Now, come on, you guys. You love each other, you're family and you love working together. [to Danny] Now, this whole thing's just blown out of proportion because you got a little jealous over a promotion.
Danny: I'm not jealous. You guys think I'm jealous?
Joey: [along with Stephanie, DJ, Michelle and the other restaurant patrons] Yes! [Jesse and Danny look around at the other restaurant patrons in confusion before Danny turns back to Becky and Jesse]
Danny: Well, I'm not. It just bugged me that she got promoted and I didn't. [realizes something] That's jealous, isn't it?
Joey: Come on, Danny. Everybody gets jealous. You know, you got jealous because Becky got a promotion. Heck, I get jealous because other people have girlfriends. Their own apartments. Lives. [calling to a waiter] Another flan, please!
Danny: [smiles, realizing Joey is right] OK, look. I got to admit, it stung when Becky got promoted over me. But I got to accept it, and I will, because I know she's gonna do a really good job.
Becky: Thanks, Danny. That's nice of you to say.
Danny: I wasn't mad at you. I think I just went a little nuts because I got passed over in front of Michelle. [he looks over at Michelle] I wanted her to be proud of me.
Michelle: Daddy, can I read you my report now?
Danny: Honey, I’d love that. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to it earlier.
Michelle: [begins reading from her report] My daddy was the best talk show host in the whole world. Everyone loved him. He was funny, and nice, and he made people choke on their bear claws. I wish my daddy was still a talk show host, and so does everyone else.
Danny: Thanks, honey. That helps a lot. [he hugs Michelle, and she hugs him in return]