|Season 8, episode 13|
|Air date||January 10, 1995|
|Next||Super Bowl Fun Day|
Jesse, Joey, D.J., and Stephanie are getting ready to eat breakfast. See #Quotes.
Danny is initially delighted when Michelle takes interest in writing about him for a Take Your Daughter to Work assignment, especially since he's confident that his boss, Mr. Strowbridge, will be giving him a promotion. Danny takes Michelle down to the KFLH studios with him.
After an episode of Wake Up, San Francisco has aired, Mr. Strowbridge promotes Becky, making her the new producer of the show, yet still remaining as Danny's co-host. That shocks Danny since he's been working at the station longer than Becky has. Danny wishes Mr. Strowbridge hadn't done that in front of Michelle because Danny wants Michelle to be proud of him. Danny makes an impulsive decision to quit the show.
When Danny is quickly replaced by the loud and obnoxious Phil Blankman, the show's weatherman/meteorologist, Danny's bottled-up resentment toward Becky leads to a sudden blow-up at a restaurant where they are having a celebration dinner, where tensions rise and Danny calls Becky out for having the "Laughing Hyena" as her new co-host. Danny and Becky work things out, and Danny confesses that it stung when Becky got promoted over him, but he has to accept it and he will because he knows she will do a great job, and Becky thanks him. Danny then admits that he went a little nuts because he got passed over in front of Michelle before adding that he wanted Michelle to be proud of him (while also remembering that he is usually proud of his daughters). Michelle reads Danny her report on him, which makes him feel good because it says that she is proud of him anyway. Because of her good deed, Danny has decided to return to Wake Up, San Francisco.
Meanwhile, D.J. and Stephanie have a bet with each other in order to see who, between the two of them, can go without sweets the longest—which turns out to be a tie; per D.J., the loser had to do the winner's chores for an entire week. Also, Joey is depressed because his favorite snack food cookies, Vanilla Weasels (which the girls had been accusing each other of eating too much of), has been discontinued. Jesse returns from shopping with the boys and shows he bought him a box of new cookies he might like: Chocolate Badgers. But that gives little comfort to Joey. Luckily, his mood changes for the better when he finds a new food he likes: flan. Plus, Nicky and Alex apologize for their temper tantrums while at the restaurant, and promise to finish their dinner so they can have dessert (see Quotes). Speaking of desserts, Michelle takes a triple-layer brownie with buttercream frosting, while D.J. and Stephanie share a cookie crumble cheesecake. It results in a draw, so neither one has to do the other's chores. After they finish, it surprises everyone that the cookie crumble cheesecake was made with the very last tin of Vanilla Weasels, which makes Joey climb onto the table, grab the plate, and gobble up every last crumb.
[The opening teaser: Jesse brings out some mini-sized boxes of Kellogg's cereals for D.J. and Stephanie (with the brand and part of the real names of each edited out – so as to avoid product placement).]
Jesse: You girls want some cereal?
D.J. & Stephanie: Yeah.
Jesse: Alright, we've got your, uh, we've got your Puffs, we've got your, uh, Pops, we've got some sort of Smacks, we've got everything here. [He puts them on the table.]
Joey: There's only one thing I want for breakfast: [as he takes the tin out of the cabinet] Vanilla Weasels – the most delectable cookie ever created. [He takes off the lid, looks in, makes a Lou Costello sound, and turns it upside-down – all that comes out are the paper cups that the cookies were in.] My Weasels! Who ate my Weasels?!
[The girls look at each other and start the finger-pointing game.]
D.J. & Stephanie: She did! I did? You did!
Joey: Yeah, well, somebody did.
D.J.: [scoffs] Come on, Steph. You were eating three at a time.
Stephanie: How would you know? You had your head in the tin.
D.J.: What are you saying, I have no self-control?
Stephanie: I bet you couldn't go one day without sweets.
D.J.: [scoffs again] I could go a lot longer than you could.
Stephanie: Oh yeah?
D.J.: Yeah. First one to eat, lick, or even nibble a sweet has to do the other one's chores for an entire week.
Stephanie: It's a bet, 'Sara Lee'.
D.J.: You're on, 'Mrs. Fields'.
[They shake hands.]
[Jesse and the twins have just returned from shopping at the store, as Joey comes down, anxious for his sweet treat.]
Joey: Hey Jess, did you get my Vanilla Weasels?
Jesse: Oh, I'm sorry, Joey. Bad news: they don't make 'em anymore.
Jesse: Yeah. But, look at this. Hey, look at this. I got you, uh... Wait till you see this. [reaches into the bag and brings out a box] Chocolate Badgers instead, huh?
Joey: Instead?! Jess, there is no 'instead'. Vanilla Weasels are more than just a cookie, they're a lifetime of memories for me.
Joey: [puts his hand on Jesse's shoulder] When I was a kid...
Joey: My mom would tuck me in bed...
Joey: Give me a Weasel...
Joey: And sing me the score to South Pacific. Boy, those were 'some enchanted evenings', Jess.
Jesse: Yeah. It suddenly all started to make sense, Joe.
[The family goes out to eat at a French restaurant, to celebrate Becky's promotion.]
Waiter: [presenting a cake with whipped topping and strawberries on top] Would anyone care for dessert? Gentlemen?
Nicky: I want dessert.
Alex: Double bazert.
Jesse: No, no, no, no, no. No, boys. No 'bazert', no 'bazert'. [He gives the cake back.] Thank you, garçon. You finish your dinner, then you can have 'bazert'.
Twins: [while banging their forks on the table] We want dessert! We want dessert! We want dessert!
[They keep chanting, causing Jesse to do a facepalm.]
Becky: [softly] Nicky! Alex! Behave yourselves!
[They get on the floor and continue their chant while kicking, causing the rest of the patrons to stare.]
D.J.: [softly] Everybody's staring at us.
Stephanie: Just give 'em some dessert.
Jesse: Now, what lesson would they learn from that?
Stephanie: [sarcastically] If you embarrass your family, you get dessert.
Jesse: No. [wagging his finger] No, no, no. We're not gonna do that. Ya know what? I'm gonna take care of this thing right now, and I don't care what people say. Alright, alright. [He grabs his screaming twins by their suspenders, and picks them up as everyone continues to watch, and to one couple, he says...] What?! I'm just putting a little karma in them. Go ahead, eat your peas. [He takes them out into the waiting room, which he calls the 'screaming room'. He sets them down on a divan, and their screaming stops.] OK, here you go. Sit down there. You guys wanna kick and scream and have a big tantrum? Go ahead, go nuts.
Nicky: Right here?
Jesse: Well yeah, of course right here. I mean, you can't do it in there. That's... that's the dining room. In here, this is, well, this is the 'screaming room'. Go ahead, scream.
Alex: We wanna go back in there. [points to the dining room]
Jesse: OK, fine. But you have a choice. You can stay out here and have your little tantrum. Or you can go back inside, act like gentlemen, eat your meal, have your dessert, and everything will be cool. OK? ... Go ahead, guys. I got time. Talk among yourselves.
[The twins whisper to each other.]
[Becky doesn't like Danny getting in her face and comparing the new Wake Up, San Francisco to a "rotting tooth". So she gets in his face.]
Becky: You know, it's a good thing you quit because I'd fire you in a minute.
Danny: That'd be fine with me because you and the "Happy Hyena" deserve each other.
Becky: Oh, at least the Happy Hyena has a good attitude!
Danny: Oh, he has nothing! He has no attitude! He's a caricature! He's a laughing hyena!
[The older girls can only watch helplessly as Stephanie points out the obvious...]
Stephanie: They're staring again!
Jesse: [pounding the table] Alright, alright, hold it, hold it! [He does the cut motion, causing both Becky and Danny to stop arguing and look at him.] Now, one more outburst and I'm gonna pick you both up by your suspenders and take you out to the 'screaming room'.
Danny & Becky: [as they play the finger-pointing game] She/He started it.
Jesse: I don't care who started it. Now come on. You're family, and you love working together. This whole thing's blown out of proportion because you got jealous over a promotion.
Danny: I'm not jealous. You guys think I'm jealous?
The whole restaurant: Yes!
- The episode title is a take on the 1968 comedy film The Producers, starring Gene Wilder (later of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory) and directed & written by Mel Brooks, who won the Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay
- The only appearance of Phil Blankman, Rebecca's temporary co-host
- Last appearance of Mr. Strowbridge
- Second and last episode to feature Becky and Jesse laying down the "no dessert" ultimatum for the twins (first was "Tough Love")