|Season 8, episode 13|
|Air date||January 10, 1995|
|Next||Super Bowl Fun Day|
Jesse, Joey, D.J., and Stephanie are getting ready to eat breakfast. See #Quotes.
Danny is initially delighted when Michelle takes interest in writing about him for a Take Your Daughter to Work assignment, especially since he's confident that his boss, Mr. Strowbridge, will be giving him a promotion. Danny takes Michelle down to the KFLH studios with him.
After an episode of Wake Up, San Francisco has aired, Mr. Strowbridge promotes Becky, making her the new producer of the show, yet still remaining as Danny's co-host. That shocks Danny since he's been working at the station longer than Becky has. Danny wishes Mr. Strowbridge hadn't done that in front of Michelle because Danny wants Michelle to be proud of him. Danny makes an impulsive decision to quit the show.
When Danny is quickly replaced by the loud and obnoxious Phil Blankman, the show's weatherman/meteorologist, Danny's bottled-up resentment toward Becky leads to a sudden blow-up at a restaurant where they are having a celebration dinner, where tensions rise and Danny calls Becky out for having the "Laughing Hyena" as her new co-host. Danny and Becky work things out, and Danny confesses that it stung when Becky got promoted over him, but he has to accept it and he will because he knows she will do a great job, and Becky thanks him. Danny then admits that he went a little nuts because he got passed over in front of Michelle before adding that he wanted Michelle to be proud of him (while also remembering that he is usually proud of his daughters). Michelle reads Danny her report on him, which makes him feel good because it says that she is proud of him anyway. Because of her good deed, Danny has decided to return to Wake Up, San Francisco.
Meanwhile, D.J. and Stephanie have a bet with each other in order to see who, between the two of them, can go without sweets the longest—which turns out to be a tie; per D.J., the loser had to do the winner's chores for an entire week. Also, Joey is depressed because his favorite snack food cookies, Vanilla Weasels (which the girls had been accusing each other of eating too much of), have been discontinued. Jesse returns from shopping with the boys and shows he bought him a box of new cookies he might like: Chocolate Badgers. But that gives little comfort to Joey. Luckily, his mood changes for the better when he finds a new food he likes: flan. Plus, Nicky and Alex apologize for their temper tantrums while at the restaurant, and promise to finish their dinner so they can have dessert (see Quotes). Speaking of desserts, Michelle takes a triple-layer brownie with buttercream frosting, while D.J. and Stephanie share a cookie crumble cheesecake. It results in a draw, so neither one has to do the other's chores. After they finish, it surprises everyone that the cookie crumble cheesecake was made with the very last tin of Vanilla Weasels, which makes Joey climb onto the table, grab the plate, and gobble up every last crumb.
[The opening teaser: Jesse brings out some mini-sized boxes of Kellogg's cereals for D.J. and Stephanie (with the brand and part of the real names of each edited out – so as to avoid product placement).]
Jesse: You girls want some cereal?
D.J. & Stephanie: Yeah.
Jesse: Alright, we've got your, uh, we've got your Puffs, we've got your, uh, Pops, we've got some sort of Smacks, we've got everything here. [He puts them on the table.]
Joey: There's only one thing I want for breakfast: [as he takes the tin out of the cabinet] Vanilla Weasels – the most delectable cookie ever created. [He takes off the lid, looks in, makes a Lou Costello sound, and turns it upside-down – all that comes out are the paper cups that the cookies were in.] My Weasels! Who ate my Weasels?!
[The girls look at each other and start the finger-pointing game.]
D.J. & Stephanie: She did! I did? You did!
Joey: Yeah, well, somebody did.
D.J.: [scoffs] Come on, Steph. You were eating three at a time.
Stephanie: How would you know? You had your head in the tin.
D.J.: What are you saying, I have no self-control?
Stephanie: I bet you couldn't go one day without sweets.
D.J.: [scoffs again] I could go a lot longer than you could.
Stephanie: Oh yeah?
D.J.: Yeah. First one to eat, lick, or even nibble a sweet has to do the other one's chores for an entire week.
Stephanie: It's a bet, 'Sara Lee'.
D.J.: You're on, 'Mrs. Fields'.
[They shake hands.]
[In the kitchen, Stephanie is doing her homework, just as D.J. comes home from school and enters from the back door.]
D.J.: Well, well, well, how was school today? Any sweet temptations?
Stephanie: You might say that. [She removes her glasses.] Seems someone slipped some Milk Duds in my gym sock.
D.J.: Really? Who could've done such an underhanded, yet brilliant thing?
Stephanie: Gee, I wonder. [She grabs said sock, and the chocolate candies dump out individually.] Go ahead, count 'em.
D.J.: [counting them silently] This one [showing it off] appears to have been licked!
Stephanie: No way. I did not lick that. I said I would not lick anything.
D.J.: I can see teeth.
[They continue arguing.]
[Jesse and the twins have just returned from shopping at the store, as Joey comes down, anxious for his sweet treat.]
Joey: Hey Jess, did you get my Vanilla Weasels?
Jesse: Oh, I'm sorry, Joey. Bad news: they don't make 'em anymore.
Jesse: Yeah. But, look at this. Hey, look at this. I got you, uh... Wait till you see this. [He reaches into the bag and brings out a red box.] Chocolate Badgers instead, huh?
Joey: Instead?! Jess, there is no 'instead'. Vanilla Weasels are more than just a cookie, they're a lifetime of memories for me.
Joey: [puts his hand on Jesse's shoulder] When I was a kid...
Joey: My mom would tuck me in bed...
Joey: Give me a Weasel...
Joey: And sing me the score to South Pacific. Boy, those were 'some enchanted evenings', Jess.
Jesse: Yeah. It suddenly all started to make sense, Joe.
[The family watches a tape of Wake Up, San Francisco with Becky's new co-host.]
Phil Blankman: Great to be here, Beckorino!
Becky: Well, it's great to have you, Philorino! And our special guest is Janet Reno, the attorney general of the United States.
[While they watch the tape, D.J. and Stephanie munch on celery sticks as part of their promise to not eat any sweets.]
Stephanie: What are you pretending yours is?
D.J.: Snickers. You?
Stephanie: Dove bar. Wanna trade?
[They do so.]
[The family goes out to eat at a French restaurant, to celebrate Becky's promotion.]
Nicky: I want dessert.
Alex: Double bazert.
Jesse: No, no, no, no, no. No, boys. No 'bazert', no 'bazert'. [He gives the cake back.] Thank you, garçon. You finish your dinner, then you can have 'bazert'.
Twins: [while banging their forks on the table] We want dessert! We want dessert! We want dessert! We want dessert!
[They keep chanting, causing Jesse to do a facepalm.]
[Jesse grabs his screaming twins by their suspenders and picks them up as everyone continues to watch. He takes them out into the waiting room (which he calls the 'screaming room'), sets them down on a divan, and their screaming stops.]
Jesse: You have a choice. You can stay out here and have your little tantrum. Or you can go back inside, act like gentlemen, eat your meal, have your dessert, and everything will be cool. OK? ... Go ahead, guys. I got time. Talk among yourselves.
[The twins whisper to each other.]
[In the restaurant...]
Waiter: Would anyone who's not shrieking care for dessert?
Joey: There's only one dessert for me, and it's instinct.
[When the waiter tells the older girls that the cookie crumble cheesecake in his cart is the very last piece, he suggests that they...]
Waiter: Better jump on it.
Stephanie: We will! [She literally makes a break for it, as her former roommate holds her back.]
D.J.: Not literally. We'll take it.
[The waiter has just served desserts to those who want them...]
Waiter: Well, if there's nothing else... [to Becky] wait a minute, I thought I recognized you! You're on Wake Up, San Francisco! [to Danny] And you're not. Say, what's with that new guy and where did he get that laugh?
Danny: Yeah, I know, it's like a hyena.
Waiter: A hyena, that's it. [He proceeds to laugh like one.]
[Becky doesn't like Danny getting in her face and comparing the new Wake Up, San Francisco to a "rotting tooth". So she gets in his face.]
Jesse: [pounding the table] Alright, alright, hold it, hold it! [He does the cut motion, causing both his wife and his brother-in-law to stop arguing and look at him.] Now, one more outburst and I'm gonna pick you both up by your suspenders and take you out to the 'screaming room'.
Danny & Becky: [as they play the finger-pointing game] She/He started it.
- The episode title is a take on the 1968 comedy film The Producers, starring Gene Wilder (later of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory) and directed & written by Mel Brooks, who won the Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay
- The only appearance of Phil Blankman, Rebecca's temporary co-host
- Last appearance of Mr. Strowbridge
- Second and last episode to feature Becky and Jesse laying down the "no dessert" ultimatum for the twins (first was "Tough Love")