|Season 7, episode 15|
|Air date||January 11, 1994|
|Writer(s)||Dan Chasin & Linda Lane|
|Previous||Is It True About Stephanie?|
|Next||Joey's Funny Valentine|
Michelle, Nicky, and Alex quietly enter the living room from the kitchen, and notice Joey asleep on the couch, listening to music on his stereo cassette player with headphones and having a plate of brownies. There are still two brownies left on the plate, so Michelle quietly ushers the twins over to get the plate without getting caught. The minute they get the plate, Michelle replaces it with a green book sitting nearby on the table. Unfortunately, Joey catches Michelle in the act because he noticed the loud sound of the book on his stomach. He says, "OK, you little brownie-napper. Hand over the baked goods." But too little too late, as the twins gobble up every last crumb.
It is the day before D.J.'s SAT's. Despite everyone's mantra of "It's no big deal, it's just a test", she is so nervous about it that when she goes to sleep that night, she has a nightmare about it, in which everything possible goes wrong: she oversleeps on the day of the test and is late and still wearing her pajamas and pink bunny slippers, Ms. Twitchel (Beverly Archer of Mama's Family), a neighbor D.J. yelled at, is the teacher, the test uses #4 pencils (instead of #2), Joey arrives with a typewriter-like device when D.J. doesn't have a calculator, Jesse steals the booklet with the correct answers and gives her said answers via a walkie-talkie that is stuffed in a breakfast burrito (which Ms. Twitchel immediately mistakes for one of the other students and throws him out of the room), time's up before D.J. can even fill in a circle on her answer sheet, Danny and Rebecca come by to broadcast the test live, with Stephanie and the rest of the family as guests, and D.J. fails the test. (While Kimmy gets a perfect score and wins a scholarship to Stanford University and the heart of Steve, D.J. gets a scholarship to Clown University.)
When D.J. wakes up from this nightmare (as the inspirational music plays), Danny convinces her that she does not have to be so nervous about the test, and that when he took his SAT's, he was a nervous wreck. He jokingly admits that he answered his first 12 questions with an eraser, and did much better once he turned his pencil around. They then hug (and the audience gives an "aw", as the music stops).
That day, her teacher turns out to be a much friendlier teacher named Mrs. Moffatt. Unlike Ms. Twitchel, Mrs. Moffatt jokes about the use of #4 pencils, and (obviously) knows that #2 pencils must be used. She paces around the room to make sure everyone is following the test directions (as the audience applauds).
Meanwhile, as part of her school's "Safety Week", Safety Ranger Michelle goes overboard with her whistle as she "reports" violations for safety, sleeping, and stupidity; Nicky & Alex join in as her deputies.
[Upstairs in D.J.'s room, while D.J. is studying, Kimmy is watching an episode of...]
Kimmy: [doing the audience chant] Wheel! of! Fortune!
[An actual episode is shown on the TV, with the 1992–94 theme playing, with Kimmy "dancing" along; however, seeing as she needs to study, D.J. turns the TV off.]
D.J.: Do you mind? I'm trying to study.
Kimmy: Hey, we can learn a lot from Vanna. She knows where every letter on that board is.
D.J.: Kimmy, look at this practice test. [shows it to her] I have to raise my score 150 points if I'm gonna get into Stanford.
[Suddenly, Michelle and the twins enter...]
Michelle: Safety Ranger and Deputies coming through.
D.J.: Michelle, what are you doing?
Michelle: It's Safety Week at school. My deputies are looking for violations. [She looks around the room, and then spots something that makes her blow her whistle super-duper loud...] Safety violation, safety violation!
Nicky: What is it?
Michelle: [spotting the jacket on top of the pole lamp, and taking it off] Whose jacket is this?
Kimmy: It's mine, squirt. What's it to ya?
Michelle: Clothes on a lamp can cause a fire. I'm giving you a ticket. Deputy, do your duty.
[Alex writes the "ticket", a Post-It note with an upside-down "sad face", and puts it on the sleeve of Kimmy's shirt, which surprises her.]
D.J.: Michelle, I really don't have time for this.
Michelle: There's always time for safety.
D.J.: Well, for your own safety, get out. Come on guys, let's go. [She escorts them out of her room.]
Danny: Deej, Becky and I need some help. We can't decide what to do on Friday's show.
D.J.: Why don't you do it about a high school junior who flunks her SAT's and ends up as a pathetic drain on society?
Kimmy: Too late, Deej. My brother Garth already sold his life story to Hard Copy.
[Later that day, everyone prepares for the test, and Mrs. Moffatt walks into the room.]
D.J.: This isn't happening.
Mrs. Moffatt: Good morning. My name is Mrs. Moffatt, and I will be administering this test. To begin, write your name on your answer sheet.
Kimmy: I'm drawing a blank.
D.J.: Excuse me? Are #2 pencils OK?
Mrs. Moffatt: I'm sorry, we're using #4's.
Mrs. Moffatt: I'm kidding! Relax; it's just a test.
- The sequel to this episode is "Taking the Plunge" in season eight
- The third episode where Comet "talks" (the previous: "Good News, Bad News" and "Secret Admirer", both from season four)
- The "Test-O-Matic" machine acts in a similar manner to when the Wheel is spun on Wheel of Fortune
- The "puzzle board" is three rows long instead of four on the regular show, and is much thicker in addition to being smaller in size
- When D.J.'s answer sheet is put into the "Test-O-Matic" machine, in addition to shredding the sheet, it makes a sound similar to when Bankrupt is hit on Wheel of Fortune
- The Wheel of Fortune "episode" resembles an actual episode on the TV in D.J.'s room
- The audience "whoos" once Mrs. Moffatt walks into the classroom
- Kimmy asks Vanna about getting "paid by the letter" and Vanna answers that when a player buys a vowel, the money goes to her (provided they have at least $250 to do so, and costing that much regardless of the quantity and/or appearance in the puzzle), and even says so when a "Y" is bought; this is not true, as on the show itself, "Y" is considered a consonant (which added to the silliness of the joke)