|Too Little Richard Too Late|
|Season 7, episode 23|
|Air date||May 10, 1994|
|Writer(s)||Marc Warren & Dennis Rinsler|
|Previous||A Date with Fate|
|Next||A House Divided|
In the kitchen, Joey teaches Nicky and Alex how to use safety scissors, in which the blades are neither stainless steel nor sharp like other scissors, and the handles are color-coded and made of rubber to help keep a person's grip on the scissors. The problem is, his scissors aren't cutting any paper, while the twins have no problems at all. Joey's problem is obvious: he's not holding the scissors straight, and that is how they must be held if they are to cut paper at all, let alone properly.
Michelle's favorite part of school, the arts program, has been discontinued because of budget cuts. At a PTA meeting, Danny and Joey stand up for the arts program, and Danny nominates Joey for PTA president. His opponent, Mrs. Carruthers (Marcia Wallace), who has a crush on him, doesn't intend to give up without a fight.
Meanwhile, Jesse gets the whole family tickets to a Little Richard concert. Unfortunately, what he doesn't know is that Alex and Nicky are outside Stephanie and Michelle's room. As he helps D.J. and the two current roommates fix Michelle's sock drawer, he puts his jacket on one of the chairs at the table. Unbeknownst to him, the boys are able to reach into the pocket, find the tickets, take them downstairs, cut them up, and use them as a part of their collage.
However, all is not lost for Jesse, as Danny mentions that his sister ripped up his valuable Willie Mays baseball card, yet he was able to glue it back together.
With the help of Denise Frazer's uncle Richard (played by Little Richard himself), and Richard performing a gig at the Smash Club that night, as well as the rest of the family, Joey becomes the co-president of the PTA with Mrs. Carruthers, despite her calling him a "childless bachelor" and that the PTA Constitution disqualifies him. They decide that the arts program, which is a favorite among the students, should be brought back to the school, after Joey gives an impassioned speech that shows that, even though he does not have kids, in his heart he is just as much of a parent as anyone at the PTA meeting.
He says, in his words, that a parent is one who "sits up with you all night when you have the measles", "checks to see if there's a monster under your bed", "helps you rebuild a papier-mache bust of Warren G. Harding the day it's due because he accidentally sat on it the night before" (to which he apologizes to Stephanie for, as he did do it), and "cares and cries and hopes that the kids they love will grow up to be happy and safe and lead a good life".