|Season 4, episode 14|
|Air date||January 4, 1991|
|Writer(s)||Dennis Rinsler & Marc Warren|
|Previous||Happy New Year|
|Next||Ol' Brown Eyes|
Fourteen-year-old D.J. desperately wants to buy an expensive pair of shoes called Blow-Outs, which cost $160 per pair. When she does not get the money from Danny, she asks him to let her get a job so she can earn enough money to get the shoes. He reluctantly lets her start working for a photographer named Jack; her job is to dress in a clown-like costume and make reluctant kids smile for the camera. Danny allows her to have the job under one condition: she must make sure that her grades do not drop. However, this is easier said than done, since her science grade has been declining lately. But she believes that the job will not only get her enough money to buy the shoes but also prove to her dad that she is not a little kid anymore.
Meanwhile, Jesse and Becky are unable to agree on where their wedding should take place. He wants the wedding to be at Graceland, and she wants the wedding to be in her hometown in Nebraska. They trade dream sequences, with the Hee-Haw farm motif for Becky's preferred location. After Joey introduces the Graceland scene like Robin Leach from Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous, they envision themselves as Elvis and Priscilla, and Jesse calls Becky by the name Priscilla several times. Becky questions with disgust if Jesse really wants her hair to look like Marge Simpson. With a little help from Joey, they come to an agreement and decide on having their wedding right in San Francisco. Jesse wants to get married on Elvis' birthday, but Becky suggests Valentine's Day, a mere six weeks away, causing her to scream when she realizes all she has to do to prepare.
Also, Michelle irritates everyone in the house with her overzealous participation in her preschool's "Politeness Week", with D.J. and Stephanie being the most irritated (see Quotes).
Later, D.J. ends up in a sticky situation when she brings home a science exam with an “F” on it, and it becomes even stickier after Kimmy changes it to an “A”, causing D.J. to lecture her best friend that what she just did was not only wrong, but also dishonest, and deceitful. Then, after a little advice from Jesse, she tells Danny the truth about her grade. He then tells her that she has to quit her job, and that she is not allowed to hang out at the mall until she improves her science grade, to which she remarks that she'll just go back to being a kid. He adds (as the inspirational music plays) that there is nothing wrong with being a kid, and that she should enjoy it while it lasts, as she has the rest of her life to think about adulthood, even if she is a "young woman". After their talk, they hug (just as the music stops, see Quotes and infobox photo). Luckily, D.J. has gotten her first and last paycheck, which is more than enough to pay for the shoes. But after all that quacking and waddling she did to get those reluctant kids to smile for the camera in order to earn that money (see Quotes), she decides to put it in the bank after all that hard work, rather than spend it right away. He thinks she has made the right decision because it sounds like she is learning the value of a dollar. She even asks him for the usual allowance raise, but she knows that he is joking (see Quotes), as he knows she is too old for that. They continue to blab about how expensive things are (as the audience applauds and the EP credits appear).
[Photographer Jack is trying to take a picture of a frowning little boy.]
Anthony's mom: Oh, c'mon Anthony, smile for Mommy, please?
[Anthony shakes his head.]
Jack: Just leave this to us professionals. Oh, Happy Helper!
[D.J. walks in wearing a clown costume.]
D.J.: Here I am, happy to help!
Jack: Go get Anthony to give us a big tot-shot smile.
D.J.: Hi Anthony! I'm D.J., the Happy Helper. Now, why don't you give me a big, happy smile for the picture?
[She makes funny faces.]
Anthony: That's not funny.
D.J.: I know what you need.
[She gets a stuffed toy and tosses it into the air.]
D.J.: It's Howie the Hippo! Look, Howie can zippo, Howie can flippo! I really feel like a dippo.
Anthony: That's not funny.
D.J.: C'mon, I've had a rough week. Now what can I do to make you laugh?
Anthony: Be a duck!
[She walks and quacks like a duck, he laughs, and his picture is taken.]
[Kimmy and D.J. come through the back door.]
Michelle: Good afternoon, ladies.
D.J. & Kimmy: Good afternoon, Michelle.
D.J.: Is Dad home yet?
Michelle: No, but thank you for asking.
D.J.: Well, at least I'll stay out of trouble for a few more minutes.
Kimmy: D.J., you don't have to show your dad that science test.
D.J.: Yes, I do. I promised him that I'd raise my grade, and he knows that I'm getting my test back today. [She pulls out her science test, and on it: an F.] So when he sees this, I'm dead. The first F of my life.
Michelle: Excuse me, but no elbows on the table.
[In the kitchen – after the break:]
D.J.: When my dad finds out about this F, he's gonna make me quit my job.
Kimmy: You know, now that I look at it, I don't think you got an F. [She pulls out a red pen, and...] I believe that you... [...puts a vertical line on the side of the F.] got an A.
[D.J. is visibly angered as she grabs her test back.]
D.J.: Kimmy! How could you do that?!
Michelle: It's not polite to yell.
D.J.: Michelle, I have enough problems without the "polite police" on my tail, so just stay out of this.
Michelle: You forgot to say "please".
D.J.: That's it! [She gets up, grabs Michelle under her arms, and quickly carries her out of the kitchen and into the living room.]
Michelle: This is not polite. This is not polite. This is not polite. This is not polite.
D.J.: [walks back into the kitchen] Thank you.
Michelle: You're not welcome. [She angrily walks away.]
D.J.: I have to go to work. [She gets out her clown costume and makeup.] You know, Kimmy, you really messed me up by giving me that A. Now I can't show it to my dad.
Kimmy: Why not? It's a perfect forgery.
D.J.: Kimmy, don't you understand?! What you did is wrong! It's dishonest. It's deceitful. It... [holds it up to the light] really does look like an A.
[Later, Stephanie is about to enjoy a cupcake and a glass of milk, when...]
Michelle: May I have that cupcake, please?
Stephanie: No, you may not.
Michelle: But I was polite, and I said "please".
Stephanie: I was polite too, and I said "No, you may not".
Michelle: Well, guess what? [She slams her "badge" down disgustingly.] "Politeness Week" is over! [She grabs Stephanie's cupcake and bolts out of the kitchen, as Stephanie gives chase.]
Stephanie: [as she chases Michelle] How rude!
D.J.: Here goes. My science grade was an F, and Kimmy changed it to an A.
Danny: I’m just guessing she doesn’t have the authority to do this.
D.J.: Dad, I’m sorry, but with work and all my other classes, I didn’t have time to study for my science test.
Danny: Then you should’ve come to me and told me what was going on. D.J., we had an understanding. You wanted to be a responsible adult and this was the least responsible thing you could’ve done.
D.J.: I just wanted to prove that I could earn my own money.
Danny: Well, that’s all out the window now, because you’re going to have to quit your job, and no hanging out at the mall until you pull up that grade.
D.J.: OK. I guess I’ll go back to being a kid again.
Danny: Deej, there’s nothing wrong with being a kid. You should enjoy it. You got the rest of your life to be an adult.
D.J.: Well, I guess if “being an adult” means wearing a big, red mop on my head, I can handle being a kid a little longer.
Danny: In case I forgot to mention it, you’re a pretty great kid.
D.J.: Thanks, Dad. [They hug, and then she shows him her paycheck.] Well, I guess this is my first and last paycheck.
This is the third episode to deal with the topic of money management; the fourth was "Stephanie Gets Framed", where D.J. passes her piggy bank onto Michelle and teaches her the importance of saving money for things other than ice cream; the first was "Mad Money", where Danny and Joey feud over what to do with $800 in cash that Danny lent Joey to fix his car; the second was "D.J.'s Very First Horse" where Kimmy accidentally blows her half of the $100 stable payment for Rocket on Western clothes.
D.J. and Danny's talk demonstrates an example of "authoritative parenting" (clips of this part of the episode can be found on YouTube under similar titles with the quoted keywords).