|Season 4, episode 14|
|Air date||January 4, 1991|
|Writer(s)||Dennis Rinsler & Marc Warren|
|Previous||Happy New Year|
|Next||Ol' Brown Eyes|
Fourteen-year-old D.J. desperately wants to buy an expensive pair of shoes called Blow Outs, which cost $160 per pair. When she does not get the money from Danny, she asks him to let her get a job so she can earn enough money to get the shoes. Danny reluctantly lets her start working for a photographer named Jack; her job is to dress in a clown-like costume and make reluctant kids smile for the camera. Danny allows her to have the job under one condition: she must make sure that her grades do not drop. However, this is easier said than done, since her science grade has been declining lately. But she believes that the job will not only get her enough money to buy the shoes, but also prove to her dad that she is not a little kid anymore.
However, D.J. ends up in a sticky situation when she brings home a science exam with an “F” on it (as she had been busy with work and a lot of other classes), and it becomes even stickier after Kimmy changes it to an “A”, causing D.J. to lecture her best friend that what she just did was not only wrong, but also dishonest, and deceitful. Then, after a little advice from Jesse (who had done the same thing when he was in junior high, with 40s to 90s and zeros to hundreds), D.J. tells Danny the truth about her grade. After Danny tells her that she has to quit her job, and that she is not allowed to hang out at the mall until she improves her science grade, she says “I guess I’ll go back to being a kid again.” As the inspirational music plays, Danny tells her that there is nothing wrong with being a kid, and that she should enjoy it while it lasts, as she has the rest of her life to think about adulthood, even if she is a "young woman". After their talk, they hug. Luckily, D.J. has gotten her first and last paycheck, which is more than enough to pay for the shoes. But after all that quacking and waddling she did to get those reluctant kids to smile for the camera in order to earn that money, she decides to put it in the bank after all the hard work she did to earn it, rather than spend it right away. Danny thinks she's made the right decision because it sounds like she's learning the value of a dollar. She even asks Danny for the usual allowance raise, but all he can remark on that is, "Back to those couch cushions." She knows that he's joking, as he knows she's too old for that, however the fact that him adding that "things are getting expensive these days" (like the shoes) is no joke. They hug again (as the audience applauds).
Meanwhile, Jesse and Becky are unable to agree on where their wedding should take place. Jesse wants the wedding to be at Graceland (home of Elvis Presley), and Rebecca wants the wedding to be in her hometown of Valentine, Nebraska. They trade dream sequences, with the Hee Haw farm motif for Becky's preferred location. After Joey introduces the Graceland scene like Robin Leach form Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous, they envision themselves as Elvis and Prescilla, and Jesse calls Becky by the name Prescilla several times. Becky questions with disgust if Jesse really wants her hair to look like Marge Simpson. With a little help from Joey, they come to an agreement and decide on having their wedding right there in San Francisco. Jesse wants to get married on Elvis' birthday, but Becky suggests Valentines Day, a mere six weeks away, causing her to scream when she realizes all she has to do to prepare.
Also, Michelle irritates everyone in the house with her overzealous participation in her preschool's "Politeness Week", with D.J. being the most irritated.
For example, when Michelle annoys her during the science exam fiasco by reminding her that it's not polite to yell, D.J. tells Michelle that she's got enough problems as it is without the "polite police" on her tail and asks her to stay out of the mess. But when Michelle says that D.J. forgot to say "please" (as in "Just stay out of this, please", or "Please just stay out of this" or even "Just please stay out of this."), D.J. decides "That's it!", gets up, and literally has to grab the really annoying tot by her arms and carry her out of the kitchen and into the living room, as Michelle repeatedly says "This is not polite" on her way out. When the coast is clear, D.J. is polite with an annoyed "Thank you" to Michelle, who responds with a not-so-polite "You're not welcome", before walking away angrily.
Stephanie is also annoyed when a Hostess cupcake she was going to eat (with a glass of milk to wash it all down) gets stolen, even after politely denying a "polite" Michelle the sweet treat with "No, you may not" (even though Michelle did say "please"); this causes her to give chase and a "How rude!" as she does so.
This is the third episode to deal with the topic of money management; the fourth was "Stephanie Gets Framed", where D.J. passes her piggy bank onto Michelle and teaches her the importance of saving money for things other than ice cream; the first was "Mad Money", where Danny and Joey feud over what to do with $800 in cash that Danny lent Joey to fix his car; the second was "D.J.'s Very First Horse" where Kimmy accidentally blows her half of the $100 stable payment for Rocket on Western clothes.
D.J. and Danny's talk demonstrated an example of "authoritative parenting" (clips of this part of the episode can be found on YouTube under similar titles with the quoted keywords).
[Kimmy and D.J. come into the house just as Michelle greets them.]
Michelle: Good afternoon, ladies.
D.J.: [with Kimmy] Good afternoon, Michelle. [without Kimmy] Is Dad home yet?
Michelle: No, but thank you for asking.
D.J.: Well, at least I'll stay out of trouble for a few more minutes.
Kimmy: D.J., you don't have to show your dad that science test.
D.J.: Yes, I do. I promised him that I'd raise my grade, and he knows that I'm getting my test back today. [She pulls out her science test, and on it is enough to make any parent upset: An "F".] So when he sees this, I'm dead. The first "F" of my life.
Michelle: Excuse me, but no elbows on the table.
[Back in the kitchen, D.J. has already given the bad news to Kimmy regarding her science test.]
D.J.: When my dad finds out about this "F", he's gonna make me quit my job.
Kimmy: You know, now that I look at it, I don't think you got an "F". [She pulls out a red pen, and what she does next is about to anger her best friend and possibly put their friendship in jeopardy.] I believe that you...[puts a vertical line on the side of the "F"]...got an "A".
[D.J. is visibly angered as she grabs her test back.]
D.J.: Kimmy! How could you do that?!
Michelle: It's not polite to yell.
D.J.: Michelle, I have enough problems without the "polite police" on my tail, so just stay out of this.
Michelle: You forgot to say "please".
[At and/or by this point, D.J. has had enough. She really has had enough. So much so, that that last remark has caused her anger to reach both its breaking and boiling points; Michelle literally asked for it, and boy, is she gonna get it now.]
D.J.: That's it! [She grabs Michelle by her arms and carries her out of the kitchen and into the living room.]
Michelle: [as she is carried out of the kitchen and into the living room] This is not polite, This is not polite, This is not polite, This is not polite.
D.J.: [as she annoyingly walks back into the kitchen, once Michelle is completely out of the kitchen and into the living room] Thank you.
Michelle: You're not welcome. [She walks away angrily.]
D.J.: I have to go to work. [She gets her clown costume and makeup.] You know, Kimmy, you really messed me up by giving me that A! Now I can't show it to my dad.
Kimmy: Why not? It's a perfect forgery.
D.J.: Kimmy, don't you understand?! What you did is wrong! It's dishonest, it's deceitful, it ...[she holds it up to the light]...really does look like an A.
[Later, Stephanie is about to enjoy a cupcake and a glass of milk, when...]
Michelle: May I have that cupcake, please?
Stephanie: No, you may not.
Michelle: But I was polite, and I said "please".
Stephanie: I was polite too, and I said "No, you may not".
Michelle: Well, guess what? [slams her "badge" down disgustingly] "Politeness Week" is over! [She grabs Stephanie's cupcake and bolts out of the kitchen, as Stephanie gives chase.]
Stephanie: [as she chases Michelle] How rude!
D.J.: Here goes. My science grade was an F, and Kimmy changed it to an A.
Danny: I’m just guessing she doesn’t have the authority to do this.
D.J.: Dad, I’m sorry, but with work and all my other classes, I didn’t have time to study for my science test.
Danny: Then you should’ve come to me and told me what was going on. D.J., we had an understanding. You wanted to be a responsible adult and this was the least responsible thing you could’ve done.
D.J.: I just wanted to prove that I could earn my own money.
Danny: Well, that’s all out the window now, because you’re going to have to quit your job, and no hanging out at the mall until you pull up that grade.
D.J.: OK. I guess I’ll go back to being a kid again.
Danny: Deej, there’s nothing wrong with being a kid. You should enjoy it. You got the rest of your life to be an adult.
D.J.: Well, I guess if “being an adult” means wearing a big, red mop on my head, I can handle being a kid a little longer.
Danny: In case I forgot to mention it, you’re a pretty great kid.
D.J.: Thanks, Dad. [They hug, and then she shows him her first and last paycheck.] Well, I guess this is my first and last paycheck.
Danny: You gonna use it to help pay for those Blow-Outs?
D.J.: Are you kidding? Pay $160 for shoes? Do you know how much quacking and waddling I had to do to earn this money? It's going in the bank.
Danny: That's good news. Sounds like you're learning the value of a dollar.
D.J.: I am. And I appreciate how you're gonna feel when I ask you this: Dad, can I have a raise in my allowance?
Danny: You know, honey? Back to those couch cushions. Things are really expensive these days, you know?